System of a Down

Destrage – The Chosen One Review

Destrage – The Chosen One Review

“A man walks into a bar after a long day at work. A mushroom sits beside him, a real fun guy. The man orders a Stella Artois from the bartender and asks for it in a two-ounce glass. Perplexed, the bartender knocks eighty percent off the price and does what he is asked. “Bottoms up” says the man to the mushroom, who toasts to feces and personal growth in return. The man sets down the empty glass roughly, which gets the bartender’s attention. “That,” the man says to the bartender, “was some terrible whiskey.” This is how most metalcore reviews read by writers who never could stand the genre to begin with. They want it to be something it’s not, and when it inevitably fails, it faces the wrath of the mighty pen.” Pull up a toadstool.

West of Hell – Blood of the Infidel Review

West of Hell – Blood of the Infidel Review

“In the topsy-turvy life of a metal reviewer, there will be bands that you can’t help but root for. Maybe it’s their personal affability or because they’re trying something new or unusual. Sometimes you’re not even sure why you’re kindly disposed toward a specific band. Enter West of Hell, a quasi-thrash/traditional metal collective made up of bandmates from Canada and New Zealand. Their most famous member is one Chris “the Heathen” Valagao, who’s best known for his time in Zimmer’s Hole, and Blood of the Infidel is the outfit’s second release.” Miles from restraint.

O.R.k. – Ramagehead Review

O.R.k. – Ramagehead Review

“It’s not often that so-called super-groups stick around for more than one or two albums. Invariably, the novelty of working together wears off, and competing priorities pull members in other directions. That hasn’t been the case with multinational prog rockers O.R.k., though: Ramagehead is the band’s third album, appearing like clockwork almost two years to the day after their superb Soul of an Octopusrecord. The quartet remains unchanged as well: the big names are Pat Mastelotto (King Crimson) on drums and Colin Edwin (Porcupine Tree) on bass, but guitarist Carmelo Pipitone and singer/composer LEF are not to be ignored.” Ramage Inc.

No Return – The Curse Within Review

No Return – The Curse Within Review

“My first plunge on that trip occurred somewhere late 2003, almost half a lifetime ago. It was the release of Dance of Death by Iron Maiden, though I had been primed by popular bands such as Rammstein and System of a Down, and my father’s extensive classic rock collection before that. Soon I found myself rocking out to the unprecedented brutality of Children of Bodom and Norther, diving headfirst into the world of melodic death metal. Listening to No Return, I am transported back to those halcyon days, despite never hearing the French band before picking The Curse Within from the promo bin.” History-core for dummies.

Zedi Forder – Zedi Forder Review

Zedi Forder – Zedi Forder Review

“Listening to this debut release from Zedi Forder makes me think of a rephrasing of a now-famous commercial: I don’t always review radio-friendly alt-metal, but when I do I review good radio-friendly alt-metal. My selections (read: offal) this month have ranged from bad to worse, but I’ve been granted respite with the debut album from this British trio.” Zedi or not, here they come.

Ninjaspy – Spüken Review

Ninjaspy – Spüken Review

“It is a little-known fact that Canadians are patriotic. Most people think we just apologize a lot (I’m sorry, but it’s true), but just because most of our flags are pinned up in basement windows where we’ve run out of aluminum foil doesn’t mean we don’t love our country. So, when I get promos that might be interesting, often the fact that a band hails from my home country will be enough to tip the scales and get them into my speakers. Thus is the case for Vancouver’s Ninjaspy.” For those aboot to rock, we’re so sorry.

Thomas Giles – Pulse Review

Thomas Giles – Pulse Review

Oh man, the Internetz are abuzz with love for this record already. Apparently everyone and their dog who runs a review website got this album 3 months ago and has been subsequently shitting themselves over the awesome!!!! that is Thomas Giles’ Pulse. A bit of background information as to why that might be. Yeah, because this is the vocalist from Between the Buried and Me. Yup. That’s it. I want to state with all certainty that if this were an independent record put out by a dude actually named Thomas Giles who wasn’t in a band that was well-respected even though being associated with a scene that everyone hates, this record would not be listened to by metal guys or reviewed on a metal website. Because this record is not metal. It contains minor bits o’ metal, but it for the large part a progressive-indie-electronica record. So be forewarned.

Jonah DOES rock…

So, this kid is 5 years old and while he’s not necessarily covering the best stuff in the world he’s pretty impressive. In fact, so impressive that I’d say he’s better than a couple of grown drummers that I’ve encountered in my days. Hopefully he’ll grow up to be awesome and un-jaded, despite being thrust […]