“Admittedly, Valborg’s fifth full-length Romantik was selected for review by yours truly based solely on one thing: Valborg apparently sounds like Triptykon. I know; that’s not exactly the best approach when selecting a promo. However, being the fan I am of Tom G. Warrior Inc. (look no farther than my pick for 2014’s Album of the Year), how could I go wrong?” Did someone get trick-tykoned?
“It’s really no secret; I fucking love Arcturus. There is nothing that can be done about this fanboyism of mine and I don’t care to fix it. Since the first time I heard The Sham Mirrors in 2002, I have not only loved them, but find Mirrors to be one of my favorite albums ever. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me and, again, I’m not going to fix it.” Well look who’s back!
“Hailing from Chicago and proclaiming to be the purveyors of “martial black metal,” Kommandant don their Sunday best (consisting of black dress shirts and gas masks), raise banners and wind-torn blackened flags of time-honored propaganda, and set the rhythmic march to the local courthouse. Good thing I’m in no short supply of black button-ups.” Gas masks are very versatile from a fashion perspective.
“It is incredible how a couple spawn can transform a lackadaisical lifestyle into one of routine and worry. Everyday apprehension is fueled by medical bills, daycare, diapers, clothing, public school, and Thomas-the-fucking-Tank-Engine. Just ask Al Kikuras; he’ll tell ya.” Maybe we shouldn’t have given Dr. A.N. Grier such a child-unfriendly album.
“Oh math, how I hate you. Next to physics (which ruined my day with its so-called “gravity” as I scaled my childhood tree fort and refuses me the privilege to smoothly glide around corners in my front-wheel-drive Pontiac Vibe), math straight-up pisses me off. You’re probably asking yourself, what does Dr. Grier’s Rant of the Day have to do with Continuum’s debut release?” You may or may not get an answer to that over all this loudness. Sweet Fallujah!
“There’s just something about Seldon Hunt’s artwork that draws me deep into the full concept and mood of an album. Hunt is somehow able to match auditory art with an observable one. And Område’s Edari is no different. Hunt’s work conveys a sense of beauty, confusion, and uneasiness that perfectly encapsulates a band that compares themselves to influential acts such as Manes and Ulver.” What’s with all the avant-garde metal this year? Must be due to global climate change.
“I don’t think it’s any secret that I love me some good ole fashioned black metal. I like it old and cold, trebly and chaotic, raspy and harsh. When done correctly, not even the above-average, desert temperatures can keep my spine from growing cold or force me to remove my Darkthrone hoodie.” Leave it to Satan to keep spines frosty and cold.
“One visit to The Monolith Deathcult’s website or Facebook page and you’ll instantly have the same problem I do when trying to take these guys seriously. I mean, come on. If you met me in a bar and I was holding a baseball bat, outfitted in atrocious sunglasses, and sucking on a cigar, you’d be looking to trade me for the lead man of Bad Guys as your designated wingman, and rightly so.” No one’s getting lucky tonight.
“Talk about coming full circle. I remember visiting the pages of Angry Metal Guy for the first time in 2010 and reading the review for Heidevolk’s Uit oude grond by our esteemed Mr. Angry Metal Guy. I bought that album and the two previous ones that fucking day (so don’t lose too much sleep over spending money on AMG recommendations; it’s been happening for years).” We review, you buy. That’s just how it folking works, sheeples!
“I bet you have that friend that swears they can guess a band’s genre solely from the band name? Well, if your friend is anything like mine, a genre can also be identified by the band’s font style, the album artwork, the attire in the band pic, and the track titles. For those ignoring these words and instead staring drop-jawed at the album cover to the left, you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into. However, your friend will mighty upset with themself when they make the assumption that Reign of Fury is just another re-hashing, re-thrashing outfit.” Now THAT’S a cover!
