Record reviews
“With the worldwide influence of Sweden on two fronts in the metal world and their universally hostile furniture-based takeover through Ikea (complete with Pictionary instructions and oddly tasty meatballs), it’s almost funny to see Sweden cheekily stealing from the initially British-led style of old-school heavy metal and RAM it down all of our throats with a record called Svbversvm.” Svbmit!
“While the name Graveshadow would suggest a band dabbling in a number of genres, the album art pretty much narrows that list down to a select few. Just seconds into Nocturnal Resurrection and all your wonder transforms into 100% certainty. This album clearly bleeds with the Nightwish-washy inklings of symphonic keys and power-metal attitude. I suppose this makes sense being that this sextet hails from the magical forests of Finlannnn… oh wait.. Sacramento.” Hamster, a dentist! Hard porn, Steven Seagull!
“There is no greater genre for intentional anonymity than black metal. Sure, the music should speak for itself, but you gotta admit that there’s a glut of faceless kvltery going around, and I’m not talking about corpsepaint, either. Hooded robes, gas masks, ski masks, demon masks, you name it, are being utilitzed ad nauseam with mixed results. Greece’s Awe trumps them by not only eschewing with the whole mask thing, but also the whole bandmember-naming convention, as there isn’t a band photo or even a line-up mentioned anywhere on the Interwebz.” Attach the Horn of Shame!
“It has finally come to pass. A metal band fell so in deeply love with their own music that they just had to release a TRIPLE album. Not a three part conceptual piece stretching over several years, mind you, but three (3) full albums dropped at once for fans to have a righteously extended soak in.” We never thought the day would come, but it’s here and it’s a big one.
“The dramatic fall from grace of the often maligned melodic death metal sub-genre is well documented among metalheads. Things were looking so damn rosy during the ’90s heyday.” Ah, those were the days.
“Intronaut is one of those bands that I always meant to get around to but never did. With lineups that include(d) members from bands such as Impaled, Exhumed, and Mouth of the Architect, most people know Intronaut even if they have never actually heard them.” By crow, it may be time to hear the Nauts.
“Hardcore largely exists as a reaction to things in the world that invoke the ire of an angry singer. This can range from society as a whole (Pro-Pain), the government (Sick of It All), or some unnamed person who wronged the narrator so often and so consistently that it literally must be their job to anger the guy (Terror).” More music for Leg Day at the local gymnasium.
“Vanden Plas has been a very consistent act in the prog-power scene for over twenty years, releasing album after album of high quality music in the same vein as Anubis Gate, Threshold and early Dream Theater. They always offered plenty of shred, wank and noodle but took pains to keep the music accessible and memorable.” Ready for two albums of big time prog-power? Then ascend to the Netherworld!
“At the end of 2014, I had the pleasure of reviewing the debut album by Stormcast, a band hailing from the island of Cyprus. Frame of Mind was filled with a passion I still can’t fully articulate except that this passion appears to be lacking in many bands of similar style. So when shuffling through this month’s promos, I came across Blynd (another Cypritian band) and I couldn’t help but hope for another stunner.” And the winner for Most Names Dropped in a Review for 2015 is….
“If you’re feeling a combination of bored, Aristotelian, churlish, and are unwilling to leave your house, Form and Matter: Metal Edition is fun for the whole family. It’s a simple game where you make the “form” (the “definition”/record title) match the “matter” (the music) of a record. Some examples: Your Weird Drunken Uncle Makes an Edgy Hard Rock Record; Alestorm but Not as Good, and Eight Strings, Zero Riffs.” And that brings us to today’s contestant.
