“Another month, another disgusting panel to unhinge, and another tunnel to de-grime. As the resident sponge, I assume the primary responsibility for herding the writing talent into these tight metal corridors, leading the way as we all get covered in thirty day’s worth of dead skin, even deader rodents, and this weird yellow slime that seems to ooze from nearly every seam.” Clogs, cogs, and hogs.
"Stuck in the Filter"
Stuck in the Filter – March’s Angry Misses
“The middle of April (or the beginning of May, depending on the amount of superfluous bureaucracy this segment must trudge through before its inevitable publication) is upon us, and with that comes yet another opportunity to get our hands, feet, and other appendages dirty in the service of our overburdened filtration system. Newly rebuilt after last month’s demolition, the Filter has already taken significant abuse, such is the muck and mess that oozes from every gangrenous orifice of our “esteemed” crew.” This is why we can’t have nicely filtered things.
Stuck in the Filter – February’s Angry Misses
“The year trundles on, and the world only gets angrier. As above, so below, and we below are very, very angry. So angry, in fact, that we decided to makeshift some spiked Louisville Sluggers and demolish our filtration system entirely. Fuck the system! And wouldn’t you know it? There was a ton of shiny nuggets strewn amongst the rubble that once was our only means of cleaning the “air” we breathe down here. Ah well, who needs it!” Rage against the dying of the Filter.
Stuck in the Filter – January’s Angry Misses
“January 2022 has been surprisingly strong for me here at Angry Metal Guy. Normally the first couple months of the year make me question whether I even like metal anymore, but this year started off with a pretty loud bang for a change. Our collective expectation that only the loosest of shit would slough down the pipeline created a situation where we missed a few quality movements.” Welcome to the Super Bowel!
Stuck in the Filter – November’s Angry Misses
“November had a pretty solid assortment of quality releases, both covered by us truly and unnoticed by the ascendant elite. Luckily, the intellectuals and high-IQ-having filtration team successfully dug out sparkly gems from the gross mesh of the Filter this month. Whether you agree with or support these choices depends on your innate ability to understand music and its intricate nuance.” Filter and gold.
Stuck in the Filter – October’s Angry Misses
“It’s been a minute and change since I felt anything was good enough to include in the Filter, but October is always a stuffed month for metal. It’s no surprise, then, that I had to narrow down my choices to the things I thought deserved the most mention. With a couple of my fellow spelunkers behind me, I dive deep into the recesses of this filth-caked compartment.” Fear the Filter.
Stuck in the Filter – September’s Angry Misses
“The filters are full once again at the AMG filtration and industrial smoothing facility. And let’s not even mention what was found over at the sludge control depot. That means we’ve been scraping and scouring so long, even the rotting head of a former writer we keep mounted on the wall thinks our minds are gone.” Clogs in the wind.
Stuck in the Filter – August’s Angry Misses
“It bears mentioning that in light of how much I had going on this month, my ability to properly cover the better offerings in the metalverse took a hefty punch to the dick. But just because I missed the opportunity to wax poetic over a bunch of cool stuff doesn’t mean I forgot about them. This segment is my chance to at least touch upon them briefly for your edification, with the help of my fellow colleagues!” Filter Techs…assemble.
Stuck in the Filter – July’s Angry Misses
“The AMG filters were especially clogged and occluded during July, and it took a team of stalwart waste engineers to get the system flowing properly again. Just take a gander at the interesting gunk that ended up in the outflow pile. It might smell bad, but it sounds pretty decent. Wash your hands.”
Stuck in the Filter – June’s Angry Misses
“So here’s a segment you all likely are too young to remember/never thought you’d see again. And it comes from the most unlikely source to boot—me! I discovered this feature through one of our monthly staff review calls/execution ceremonies, and I thought it was a shame we don’t use it more often. This comes on the back of a month where many of us were swamped with life events, massive overtime at work, and other such stressors. Naturally, we missed a bunch of releases, both ones we received promo for and ones we didn’t.” No filter!