“Hailing from Chicago and proclaiming to be the purveyors of “martial black metal,” Kommandant don their Sunday best (consisting of black dress shirts and gas masks), raise banners and wind-torn blackened flags of time-honored propaganda, and set the rhythmic march to the local courthouse. Good thing I’m in no short supply of black button-ups.” Gas masks are very versatile from a fashion perspective.
“On the hunt for some mid-eighties style hybrid black thrash packed with blasphemous Venom? Well, as luck would have it the Greek titans, Satan’s Wrath, are back in black, sporting a lineup change, and they have just such a putrid platter!” With a cover like you, you know you’ll need a patched denim vest.
“Arghoslent are one of the best bands that ever shot themselves in the foot. Their melodic NWOBHM-tinged death metal was both original and exhilarating, but was sadly overshadowed by the group’s questionable ideology (sample song titles: “Hereditary Taint,” “Rape of a Slave”). Searching for a similar-sounding group without the racist overtones, I was thus overjoyed by Minneapolis’ House of Atreus and their debut EP, 2013’s Into the Brazen Bull.”
“Transport yourself if you will to the outer reaches of planet Aegis VII. A routine mining operation’s in progress with the situation fast souring. The year is 2508 and our story opens up with the USG Ishimura as it sends out an ominous distress signal to the Concordance Extraction Corporation (CEC)… I’ve misled you, this is not an overdue review of that Dead Space.” Nerd Alert!
“Many of you may be familiar with the Steel for Brains metal blog, run by Jonathan Dick. It has come to our attention that Jonathan’s daughter Hannah is struggling with a serious medical condition and it’s creating financial hardships for his family.” Read and find out how to help.
“It is incredible how a couple spawn can transform a lackadaisical lifestyle into one of routine and worry. Everyday apprehension is fueled by medical bills, daycare, diapers, clothing, public school, and Thomas-the-fucking-Tank-Engine. Just ask Al Kikuras; he’ll tell ya.” Maybe we shouldn’t have given Dr. A.N. Grier such a child-unfriendly album.
“It can be a herculean challenge to replace a vocalist synonymous with the core sound of a band. Judas Priest and Iron Maiden certainly couldn’t do it, but AC/DC and Accept managed it quite nicely. With Haven, album number two with “new” singer Tommy Karevik (Ayreon, Seventh Wonder) replacing Roy Khan, it seems safe to add Kamelot to the latter group.” Ready for some really classy metal? Tuck in your damn shirt!
“A new power metal super group? Oh joy! You know how we love super groups around here. This star studded lineup features vocal powerhouse Ralf Scheepers (Primal Fear, ex-Gamma Ray) and his Primal Fear band mate Aquiles Priester on drums, rounded out by Bjorn Englen (Yngwie Malmsteen, Quiet Riot) on bass and the brutally unheralded Andrew Szucs on guitar.” Guitar-heavy power metal by a mostly unknown crew of power players and we’re supposed to call it a “super group”? Yes we are.
“The first long length from Gothenburg doomsters Monolord, last year’s Empress Rising, enjoyed a surprising level of success and acclaim, the likes of which is usually the result of a combination of solid, but not great music and circumstances which fall under the banner of “hype.” Releasing a second album just a year later and following such a highly esteemed record made more likely the possibility of the enthusiasm bubble bursting. Vænir (named after Sweden’s largest lake) could have easily turned out a dud.” Hype, drama, doom – it’s all here, folks.
“Readers already familiar with my preferences will recall that on multiple occasions I have referenced Ulcerate as both pioneers of the growing experimental and dissonant death metal trend and the most creative band since Meshuggah. Bold words indeed, (pun intended), but in truth, Ulcerate’s last three albums have been so excellent that I had to update the seal of approval I placed on them to a walrus.” Can Dawn of Azazel win such a prodigious stamp or do they earn the dreaded Frowny Face of Kronos.
