Stupid Trends Ov Metal: #2

I just reviewed the new Behemoth record on here, and while it was good, there was one thing that had absolutely nothing to do with the quality of the record that stood out for me.  I couldn’t really include it as a major critique in the record, but now I can at least mention it… OV.

Ov?  Really?  The first time I saw this stupid thing was with the band Kult Ov Azazel.  And yeah, that was stupid, but I didn’t think much of it because, well, unfortunately intentional misspellings are standard fare in metal.  Katatonia for example or, some of my personal favorites are the misuses of vowels from other languages: Mötley Crüe (I’m not actually sure how to phonetically spell how that sounds, but if you were to pronounce it correctly it would be fucking ridiculous), Motörhead is another one that thought that the “Ö” (O umlaut) was really cool looking.  But my personal favorite is the band Dååth which pronounces their name “Dath” like, rhymes with bath, but spells it “Doath” like the ‘o’ in the word boat.  And actually, two ‘Å’s, for those of you who don’t know, actually would be an extra long ‘O’ sound, since Å is actually two ‘A’s put together.

Let’s not even talk about nu-metal, which spells EVERYTHING wrong.  Travesties like Limp Bizkit, Korn, and of course Linkin Park, forcing their shared stupidity onto the rest of the world, which actually likes to spell words correctly.  And even can.  So not only are these assholes responsible for irritatingly blending hip hop and metal into a travesty which should despised, but they also encourage stupidity among our youth!

But, I feel like OV takes it to a new level.  How fucking pretentious do you have to be to intentionally misspell a common preposition like “of”?  Do you think it’s stupid to use said preposition?  Then use the fucking possessive/genetive case!  You know like “Metal’s stupid trends” as opposed to “Stupid trends OV metal!”  C’mon, this is ridiculous and unnecessary and it makes me want to start a fire and feed it with babies!  How hard is this stuff?  Not very, in my opinion.  But heck, you know me, I like to spell things correctly.  I even attempt to use proper grammar.

The sad thing is this, as a person who is interested in language, it is obvious to me that one cannot control how language is used.  Every generation and decade brings us new words and language is meant to be played with.  According to some linguists,  no matter what your grammar books say, if you’re an inborn speaker of a language  you physically can’t be wrong about your own language.  So we invent new words, spellings, combinations and we try our hardest to coin new phrases. Things like “bootylicious” end up in the dictionary (and my spellcheck no longer picks it up) and life continues forward with English as a functional language.

But there is a little language fascist in me that just wants to smack all the jackasses who insist on misspelling words for the sake of being COOL. Kvlt? Ov? Wëll, löök hërë yöü möröns.. IT’S STÜPϏD! SÖ STÖP!

What a stupid fucking trend.

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