“Rather than a true sub-genre, “avant-garde” seems more a default category for bands who can’t be pigeonholed with a nice, tidy tag. With a name like Ebonillumini it’s almost a given this is a band worthy of the avant-garde label. Less obvious is that they’re far removed from anything like an Arcturus style of forward-thinking, unconventional metal.” Icebergs ahead!
“If you know jack shit about extreme metal drumming, you already have a good idea of what this album is going to sound like. If you don’t know jack shit about drumming, it’s time to learn.” It’s time for some schooling.
“Admittedly, Valborg’s fifth full-length Romantik was selected for review by yours truly based solely on one thing: Valborg apparently sounds like Triptykon. I know; that’s not exactly the best approach when selecting a promo. However, being the fan I am of Tom G. Warrior Inc. (look no farther than my pick for 2014’s Album of the Year), how could I go wrong?” Did someone get trick-tykoned?
“It took two lines in the Artaius promo blurb to stop me in my tracks – Artaius has shared the stage with well known metal acts like Ensiferum and Primal Fear and Torn Banners features special guests Tim Charles (Ne Obliviscaris), Lucio Stefani (Mé, Pek e Barba) and Dario Caradente (Kalévala). Those be some big selling points right there!” Madam X willing reviewing folk metal? The end is nigh.
“Along with Blood Mortized, Entrails are one of the few retro Swedish death acts that don’t give me Old Timer’s Fatigue. It’s hard to say why that is, since they ape classic Entombed and Dismember just as hard as all the other pimpanzees in the throwback zoo. All I know is their music usually avoids feeling old and excessively stale. Instead, it feels plenty putrid and rotten, and that I love.” Time to look at the entrails and see what is foretold.
“On the hunt for some mid-eighties style hybrid black thrash packed with blasphemous Venom? Well, as luck would have it the Greek titans, Satan’s Wrath, are back in black, sporting a lineup change, and they have just such a putrid platter!” With a cover like you, you know you’ll need a patched denim vest.
“Remember Guitar Hero? Yes, I’m aware it’s 2015, but reach back into the memory vaults for just a second. Somewhere on the screen there’s a crowd pleasure meter that dynamically reacted to how well your performance is going. If you were good, it would stay in green. If you were really bad, it would stay in red, teetering on the edge of total audience disengagement. Being mediocre kept you squarely in yellow.” Are you ready to take on Guitar Hero’s doom edition? Cave of Swimmers think they are.
“I have to be honest. Aside from my love for doom metal, the main reason I picked up this promo was that it is released by Profound Lore Records, which has become a by-word for quality in recent times. The list goes on and on. The prospect of a new funeral death doom release on this label had me all kinds of excited….” Great expectations are a dangerous thing.
“As noted in our brief thrashnalysis a few months ago, Peak Rethrash occurred in 2006 (defining Peak Rethrash as the year the largest number of new thrash bands formed). This makes Deathblow relative latecomers, forming initially as Deathblo in 2008 before buying a dictionary in 2012.” We examine trends, compile stats, crunch numbers. Then, and only then, do we rethrash!
“Oh math, how I hate you. Next to physics (which ruined my day with its so-called “gravity” as I scaled my childhood tree fort and refuses me the privilege to smoothly glide around corners in my front-wheel-drive Pontiac Vibe), math straight-up pisses me off. You’re probably asking yourself, what does Dr. Grier’s Rant of the Day have to do with Continuum’s debut release?” You may or may not get an answer to that over all this loudness. Sweet Fallujah!
