“The tides of progress in metal will never erode the bedrock of the genre, that special thing we call heavy metal. The mix of power, strength, hope, and joy inherent in this little slice of the metal pie will always appeal to many metalheads so long as the genre continues to exist. Fortunately for Screamer, there will always be a place for records like Highway of Heroes. Fortunately for us, this means bands like Screamer will continue to make them.” Your mom’s a… nah, too easy.
“A while ago, I was walking about and found myself in want of a quick, cheap, easy snack. I knew I was close to a McDonald’s, and that a greasy, delicious McDouble was under two bucks; perfect. Yet when I reached the restaurant, something was weird: it was called “McCafe” and designed to look trendy, modern, and friendly to Starbucks-sipping screenplay scribblers. I used to be rather good at guessing an album’s genre based on the cover, but trips to the record store have proven confusing nowadays for the more extreme variants of metal.” Destroying for fun.
“Chainbreaker. It’s a name that conjures images of freedom being won, justice being attained, and dragons being mothered, but it only takes a cursory listen to the lyrics on Lethal Desire to realize that this is a band whose aspirations are not nearly so lofty. Comprised of former members of Toxic Holocaust and Cauldron, Toronto’s Chainbreaker specializes in speedy thrash anthems dedicated to hell, killing, drugs, and what the Bible refers to as fornication, and sometimes all of these at one time.” Chained to the oldies.
“Herman Frank made his metal bones by playing guitar alongside Wolf Hoffman on Accept’s early and influential albums like Restless and Wild and Balls to the Wall. He then took a decades-long hiatus, returning for the band’s first few post-Udo albums before decamping once again to helm his eponymous project. His solo output hasn’t fallen far from the Accept tree, but always steered closer to classic hard rock ideas and formulas. This rock influence became more prominent on 2016s The Devil Rides Out, and the trend continues on fourth outing, Fight the Fear.” Fear is the mindkiller.
“‘N00b, I have something for you.’ I turn to face the voice, surprised to be spoken to directly as all my assignments have arrived via raven scroll thus far. ‘I want to reward you for how well you’ve handled being the worst n00b.’ Steel Druhm hands me a wrapped package. I stand dumb, just as I always do in the presence of authority figures. ‘I think you’ll like it,’ he says with a straight face before turning to walk away. I hear a sound that might be snickering as he disappears around the corner, but I’m too amazed at surviving a face-to-face encounter with him to notice. I look down at the package and peel back a corner of the wrapping. I find a sticker that reads, ‘For fans of Maiden, Priest, Accept, and Falconer.’ Oh my god! Has Christmas come early? Is Steel Druhm one of those “good” evil overlords?” Apes of wrath.
“Few metal bands use wrestling as a conceptual driving force and I don’t know why. It has everything a band needs to produce chaotic, vibrant, wildly imaginative music. Well, ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, weighing over a thousand pounds for sure (five members), hailing from Oulu, Finland, please welcome old school heavy-metal body-slammers Wrestling. They’re here to bust your spine and insult your mothers with their speedy mix of Accept and Judas Priest on Ride on Freaks, their debut release.” Sweat and regret.
“Udo Dirkschneider, the original singer of Accept, is the living embodiment of 80s Germanic metal. Along with Chris Boltendahl and ,b>Gravedigger[1. Who also have an album inbound soon.], he’s kept that dated sound alive long past its expiration date, releasing album after album of Accept-esque anthems with his eponymous band U.D.O., always light on sophistication but heavy on raspy screeching and classic metal tropes. Steelfactory is the 15th such platter of Teutonic splatter and shows nary an ounce of progression or innovation, sticking to that Accept B-side ethos that’s served the man so well since 1980.” Everflowing Germanic steel.
“Italian artist Paolo Girardi has supplied over 6 dozen bands with his infernal artwork, and that number now includes Portuguese blackened weirdos Filii Nigrantium Infernalium for their new album Hóstia. With all this religious symbolism, what do you think: will we be praising the Lord today, or shall we drown the Christian God in a pool of infernal blasphemy?” Rise to offend.
“Switzerland is not exactly a world force when it comes to heavy metal. The small, non-opinionated country has a few folk metal bands, a few death metal bands, and a few traditional metal bands — Krokus and Shakra come to mind in the last category, and we can add Headless Crown, as well.” Swiss steel.
“Of all metal subgenres, heavy metal is the one with the honor of regularly being used as a synonym for metal at large. Considering it’s arguably the oldest of the bunch, this should come as little surprise, but one could also argue the case for doom metal, which no one outside of the scene ever heard about. Is it then due to age, exposure, or just my own warped view that heavy metal seems to be the most stagnant of metal subgenres? I won’t say nothing fresh ever arises from its corner (Sumerlands is a fine example) but by and large, heavy metal bands today all seem like pale imitations of the golden boys from the 1980’s. Death Keepers don’t do much to change that impression with debut Rock This World.” Remember the old, those days were gold.
