“Welcome, AMG Readership, to our sanguinary sect of worship. Feel at home in our black conventicle as we anathematize all of those who oppose us. Don’t summon the Devil, don’t call the priest. If you need the strength, then conjure Germany’s Schafott, whose debut album, The Black Flame, is set to smolder the soul with classic blackened thrash.” Devotees will carve Slayer in their arm before returning to the cvlt.
“With debut Collected Bones, Exoskelett produced a record that sounds like what would happen if some kids heard Morbid Tales coming from their older brother’s bedroom and then spent the next three weeks trying to recreate that feeling by jamming on busted pawn shop instruments and guzzling Mountain Dew in their parent’s basement.” Bones, Dew and disharmony.
“When I was thirteen years old I snagged an album with a wicked (cool word in 1983) cover. It was a drawing of what looked like a cynical, smartass devil. The album was Venom’s Black Metal, and my pals and I thought it was damn near the funniest thing we’d ever listened to. Crappy production, crappy musicians, goofy songs, and horrible vocals. We played that record to death, much to the displeasure of our mothers, girlfriends, and girlfriends’ mothers. C’mon, Huckles, why are you blathering on about Venom? This is supposed to be a writeup for Grave Danger, the second album from Finnish miscreants Foreseen. Well, that is what I’m doing here, but my point is that Grave Danger is basically another Venom album.” So he pulled up quick to get ve’nom!
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I really don’t need originality in my music. Take last month’s Necroblood album. Though it hardly did anything groundbreaking, that record gave me all the Satan, blastbeats, and atom-bomb riffing I could ask for.” Can Possession provide maximum Satan?
“After first looking at the album art, I bet myself $5 that the most obvious comparison for Guerra Eterna would be Under the Sign of the Black Mark. I am now $5 richer (or poorer?).” Bask in the Bathory, if you dare.
“Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong decade. Every time I think back to the pop culture of the 90s, all I remember is boring daytime television and lazy post-grunge blaring on the radio. In contrast, the 80s seemed much more exciting — the jeans were tight, the horror movies were actually good, and extreme metal was first clawing its way into existence via stacks of battered demo tapes and tattered home-printed zines. Greek trio Principality of Hell apparently felt the same way.” It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times??
“Try as I may I can’t understand what’s so compelling about anti-Christian blasphemy in metal. Have bands not realized that the Satanic Panic ended in the last millennium? Do they think they’re actually offending anyone, or making any argument, no matter how hack, that hasn’t been made before? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that bands like American black-death blasphemers Profanatica should give up on their blasphemies against Christ. I just don’t understand how such ideals can animate good music.” Blasphemy!
“The brilliant melodies of Iron Maiden and Metallica opened the door to metal for a young Diabolus. But it was the timeless riffs, redline intensity, and searing speed of Reign in Blood that pushed me through it. In the back of my mind, the dragon of Reign in Blood’s speed is always being chased because of this. The viciousness of Slayer’s finest (half) hour complemented its speed, and even today it sounds an order of magnitude faster than your garden variety blast-happy tech-death typewriter-core band.” I hear typewriter-core is the new post-black.
“Thirty years past its prime, Gravewürm’s songwriting and musical delivery continues to leave a lot to be desired, and after twenty-five years of existence and ten full-lengths, I ask myself the same question before every Gravewürm release: does Gravewürm have anything new—anything at all—to offer in their newest output?” That’s a really good question.
“I imagine the band spreading their metaphorical buttcheeks to draw in the atmosphere of first-wave acts like Hellhammer and early Bathory, letting it fester in their intestines long enough to give it their own unique stench.” It must be Enema Thursday!
