“So the Process Church of the Final Judgement wasn’t really your thing? Don’t slit your wrists over it, cults aren’t for everybody. Candlelight Records recently took a walk on the wild side adding a band that doesn’t run with their usual black metal or even their melodic death metal circles. Their band name is absurd, meaningless and annoying to the point where Nothing actually may be the better option, and to say that it had me tearing my hair out in chunks is an understatement. Pet Slimmers of the Year… Have you tried to Google this? No dammit, I’m not putting my feline on a diet, round is a shape too!” Yep, that’s the worst band name of all time. But, is the music any good? Madam X has opinions.
Post-Metal
Things You Might Have Missed 2013: Obscure Sphinx – Void Mother
“Dark, murderous, blood-soaked dolls get to me! I can’t really explain it, to most they’re ugly I guess, but I can’t help seeing something beautiful in their glassy eyes and I just want to collect and keep them all, like my own little tiny prisoners. Seeing the doll adorned cover of the second full length release by Polish band Obscure Sphinx, literally had me scrambling to pick up Void Mother WITHOUT having heard even an utterance of what to expect.” Doll’s eyes creep me the fuck out, but Madam X loves them more than she loves a good snuff movie. She also enjoys this weird post metal act from Poland, which you may have missed this year!
Lodz – Something In Us Died Review
“Post-metal is a rough genre to navigate. It’s very difficult to make a name for yourself when you’re constantly compared to Neurosis, Isis, or Cult of Luna. The very second when a quiet song starts building steam and crushes the opposition, you are branded a copycat. Hence, France’s Lodz have an uphill battle on their debut album, Something In Us Died. However, if you must stand out in a severely overcrowded field of imitators, do so by being honest and compassionate about your craft, and Something In Us Died has both honesty and passion in spades.” New-ish scribe Grymm returns to educate you on the dos and don’ts of post-metal. Read this review of Lodz and we will award you a post-grad degree in post-metal (for a nominal fee TBD).
Obelyskkh – Hymn To Pan Review
“Bavarian doom barons Obelyskkh have turned to pagan imagery for the basis of their third full-length release, Hymn To Pan. A mix of doomy psychedelic and stoner sludge, the title of the record is drawn from a poem “Hymn of Pan” by romantic writer Percy Bysshe Shelley. Pan, a pagan god of wild places, music, and sexual freedom, is evoked with delicacy as a muse in Shelley’s poem, whereas Obelyskkh most definitely appeal to the goat-limbed gods darker and more lecherous side.” Anyone in the mood for A Midsummer’s Night Doom? Did I mention the “sexual freedom” part? This stuff sells itself!
The Chant – A Healing Place Review
Finland’s penchant for downy frowny metal is pretty well known. Sporting doom, melodeath and atmospheric black metal acts the like of Swallow the Sun, Insomnium and October Falls and being known for long, dark, vodka-soaked, winters speckled with knife fights and rumors of sunlight somewhere south, it’s actually a surprise that Finland hasn’t produced a lot of more music consisting of both downies and frownies. Indeed, post-metallers The Chant are really the first in their particular idiom. What is their particular idiom, you ask? Well, you know, the kind of music you write when the sun hasn’t risen for a three months: depressive post-rock.
Dies Irae – Secret Veils of Passion Review
So, last year (also known as last week) we introduced this thing called the “Top Records We Wish We Could Unhear” and I’ve already gotten to my first nomination for the year of 2012. Dies Irae (no, not that one, the Mexican one) is apparently an old melodic death metal band that has remade itself in the image of “post-metal” (no, not that kind of post metal, the kind from 1999) and got themselves signed by Chaos Records, who otherwise have pretty good taste in bands. Secret Veils of Passion is, therefore, the first of the band’s new, updated versions of itself and it is a remarkable record to behold. But no, not that kind of remarkable. Think more like: I am remarking upon