Whitesnake

Lionheart – The Reality of Miracles Review

Lionheart – The Reality of Miracles Review

“Let’s roll the clock back six years. It was September 2014, and the name El Cuervo was but a Spanish noun and nascent writer in the Angry Metal Guy world. The Editors™ mandated Skyscraper’s Elevation on said writer, a charming and catchy, if somewhat toothless, AOR record. Their impressive crooner, named Lee Small, struck said writer to a sufficient extent as to bother Googling his other projects. It was later discovered that he was fronting a long-defunct-but-then-revived hair rock band called Lionheart, whose 1984 release called Hot Tonight is well worth the time of any fans of men in leotards.” Tight bloomers, rock boomers.

The Night Flight Orchestra – Aeromantic Review

The Night Flight Orchestra – Aeromantic Review

Aeromantic hardly breaks new ground for these excitable Swedes. By this, I mean that it is seemingly purpose-built to mainline dopamine directly to my brain, being, as it is, more 80s than the 80s. Each NFO release reaches deeper into this era, and Aeromantic nails the schmaltzy, overblown tone which has come to characterize the retrospective view of it.” Aeroma therapy.

Lugnet – Nightwalker Review

Lugnet – Nightwalker Review

“You know that crazy uncle? The one who apparently fronts some sort of sketchy 70s band? Yeah, that one. You see him at the family barbecues, usually a bit more belligerent than a man of his age should be, kind of embarrassing himself on occasion. You think, “There’s no way this dude is in a band.” Then you find yourself, against your best judgement, at one of his gigs, and you realize that whoa, he’s actually a decent singer, and he’s playing in a decent band. It goes against all instincts, but it’s true, and even though you don’t want to, you find yourself drawn to them. Well, that uncle may be none other than Johan Fahlberg, and the band may be none other than Lugnet.” Uncle Lugnet!

Kissin’ Dynamite – Ecstasy Review

Kissin’ Dynamite – Ecstasy Review

“Hair metal! Is there a more maligned subgenre? Given the way it warped the general public’s image of metal, and for how long, it’s hard to imagine one. But for sheer, raw fun, it can be very, very hard to beat, especially on the rare occasion one finds it executed well. But what does ‘well’ mean in this context? Is it even really possible for that word to apply to hair metal?” Hair today, gone tomorrow.

The Night Flight Orchestra – Sometimes the World Ain’t Enough Review

The Night Flight Orchestra – Sometimes the World Ain’t Enough Review

“AMG.com has ridden the The Night Flight Orchestra (“NFO”) horse pretty hard since the release of their first album in 2012. The illustrious Dr. Fisting (then masquerading as Fisting Andrew Golota) was their discoverer and therefore the designated reviewer thus far. Now that he is absent, presumed dead, I have taken up this mantle to impart opinions on a band that our founder abhors.” New tickets to paradise.

Voodoo Circle – Raised on Rock Review

Voodoo Circle – Raised on Rock Review

Voodoo Circle make Steel and I yearn for the olde days, when we would sit on the veranda in our trailer park, drinking hobo wine out of pickle jars, listening to mixtapes of Blue Murder, Whitesnake, Great White, and the Scorpions. It was a simpler time: hairspray-soaked blues metal dominated the scene, and there were four main lyrical topics: love, bad love, dirty love, and sex. You can’t get away with that in today’s climate, but that won’t stop Voodoo Circle from trying.” Sex is love.

Autograph – Get Off Your Ass Review

Autograph – Get Off Your Ass Review

“There’s no doubt that this is one fucked up world. And to add insult to injury, Autograph has a new album. I mean, I wouldn’t want to say glam metal is irrelevant these days, but it is. And one of its pioneers is unwilling to die—trying to hold on to what it has (“Turn Up the Radio”) and hasn’t (everything else) contributed to this world.” This IS your father’s metal.

Tony Mills – Streets of Chance Review

Tony Mills – Streets of Chance Review

“Back in the ’80s, before a little thing called the World Wide Web came along, we got our metal news from magazines like Circus and Hit Parader. In a pathetic attempt to be hip and now amongst my fellow teenage metalhead pals, I was always on the lookout for any obscure band that got a decent review in those rags. One such band in 1985 was a British act called Shy. I’ll be honest: Brave the Storm was probably the worst album I bought based on these old reviews. The songs were bad, it was dated and sounded old a week after I bought it, and the vocals — by one Tony Mills — were screechingly awful.” 32 years will change a man.

Corona Skies – Fragments of Reality Review

Corona Skies – Fragments of Reality Review

“Having read plenty of trash masquerading as philosophy and heard plenty of nonsensical music both within and without metal, I figured I was desensitized to weird stuff. Hell, the world seems almost desensitized to weirdness; Jacques Lacan, one of the biggest dolts to ever pretend to think about stuff and write it down, posited that an erection was equal to the square root of -1 and more than zero people took him seriously.” Weird is full of surprises.

Tygers of Pan Tang – Tygers of Pan Tang Review

Tygers of Pan Tang – Tygers of Pan Tang Review

“I love the 80s. And who wouldn’t? If you are an olde guy like me, the 80s were the peak of metal. The big bands were huge (Maiden, Priest) and new shit was cropping up everywhere (Metallica, Slayer). Luckily, as a teen back then I managed to hold down a job, so I was able to spend all my $6 hour wages on music at every opportunity.” Crouching Tyger, hidden Pan-Tang.