“Great, for my first review of 2015 I have a cold. My head is a slime factory, and some genius cephalic operations manager has decided that the best place to store the snot-stock awaiting delivery to my nostrils is behind my eardrums. I’m fortunate that the band I’m reviewing is Desolate Shrine, then, as their ultra-dense death metal is one of the few things powerful enough to penetrate through the aural mucus wall.” Tastes like death, but it’s snot.
“Belgium’s Emptiness are a band that I’ve not paid enough attention to. Sharing their bassist and guitarist with black metal stalwarts Enthroned (who also released an album this year that you might have missed…), and their drummer with Pro-Pain, Emptiness certainly have plenty of experience in their ranks, but given that I’ve never been particularly enamored with either of those bands, I didn’t feel a great urge to seek out Emptiness’ releases. But this year, after reading nothing but the praise for Nothing but the Whole and falling in love with the distinctive, creepy album cover, I decided to give the band a chance. This was an entirely excellent decision.” We make good decisions, so you can have good consumer knowledge.
“Last year, two EPs caught me totally off-guard. For a long time I just couldn’t get on with any form of punk – despite my penchant for good grind – though in recent years my tastes have developed and I’ve been increasingly delving into the –core end of things. But I was totally unprepared for how much I would enjoy Tide of Iron’s split with Grace (The Hard Work EP), and even more so Enabler’s Flies.” When we at AMG get surprised, we make sure you hear about it toot sweet.
“Execration appears to be quite the popular name for death metal bands, so I’ll begin with a clarification: this review concerns the Norwegian death metal band Execration – not the Italian death metal band Execration or the Colorado death metal band Execration (who themselves are not to be confused with defunct Michigan death metal band Execration, nor with disbanded Arizona death metal band Execration).” Eh, what’s in a name anyway?
“I was only quite recently introduced to The Flight of Sleipnir. Since their formation in 2007, they have produced a steady stream of albums, with last year’s Saga being their best effort so far. Though based in Colorado, The Flight of Sleipnir follow the path of figuratively every folk metal band ever and take inspiration from Scandinavian folklore; yet both aesthetically (just look at that gorgeous album cover!) and sonically they have managed to distinguish themselves from the hordes of other Viking worshippers.” Stoner Viking doom sounds cool enough, but can this eight legged horse get off the ground?
“I got a bit sidetracked while writing this review trying to chart the rise of rethrash (thanks Encyclopaedia Metallum!). Since 2003, the proportion of thrash albums to all metal albums released per year has, perhaps surprisingly, stayed constant at around 16%. However, the proportion of new thrash bands to new metal bands forming per year (going back to 1995) peaked at 23% in 2006, and had shrunk to 14% last year. Entrench formed just prior to peak thrash in 2005, releasing a string of demos before unleashing their debut full length, Inevitable Decay, in 2011. What can my thrashnalysis tell us about their music? Fuck all really, but it’s some pretty good trivia, eh?” When the numbers geeks get into the metal review business, you get thrashnalysis. Just go with it and take copious notes.
“If you’re anything like me, you’re super awesome. But more to the point, you would have been saddened by the split of blackened death metal troublemakers Akercocke a couple of years ago. Perhaps the UK’s most consistently entertaining extreme metal act of the last decade, they seemed to improve on every album, reaching a pinnacle on 2007’s Antichrist.” The band is gone, but the legacy lives on in a disturbing new entity.
“Here’s a free top tip for all you kids looking to break into the music business: name your band something easily googleable. Distance have been kicking around for almost ten years now – forming in 2005, releasing a demo in 2006 and several singles at the end of the last decade – but presumably escaped any significant interest because no-one could bloody find them.” Marketing is for the market wonks, but you have to give them a little help.
“You know how Kurt Cobain killed Hair Metal? Of course you know; we’ve been through this already. He didn’t. Yes folks, it’s time for your second dose of hair metal in under a month! You see, while AMG has been distracted dealing with Steel Druhm’s incessant efforts to inject more Jorn onto the site by any means necessary, I’ve launched my own elaborately coiffured campaign to restyle Angry Metal Guy into the far more fabulous Hair Metal Guy.” Jorn in the U.S.A.!
“Remember Babylon Whores? No? Honestly my memory did require some jogging, but they were a rather good Finnish gothic rock band (yeah another) that released some underrated albums in the late nineties/early noughties before disappearing about ten years ago.” There’s nothing like some tasty, goth-rock stle metal! But does this have the right flavor?
