“In 2014, my main claim to AMG fame or, if your tastes are less than impeccable, infamy, lay in awarding Alestorm Record o’ the Year for the truly excellent Sunset on the Golden Age. I did some other good deeds as well, such as spotlighting Entrapment’s top-shelf Swe-death platter Lamentations of the Flesh.” Cause one out of two is kinda bad.
“Naming your doom metal band Heavydeath is like naming your cat “Whiskers McPussyface,” but somehow this Swedish trio manages to pull it off. In early 2015 these former Runemagick members quite impressed me with debut Eternal Sleepwalker, at least enough that I actually bothered to check out a few of the motherfucking 16 demos, EPs, and compilations the band released since forming just three years ago.” Slowprolific.
“Switzerland’s Bölzer created sizable tremors in the underground in 2013 upon the release of their stunning Aura EP. I got caught up in the swell, impressed by their atmospheric and innovative blackened death formula, laced with memorable hooks and otherworldly vibes.” When expectations meet reality.
“I’ll be honest with you, my first blush with Finland’s Dark Sarah, upon receiving their promo folder had me wallowing in despair, my lamentation palpable through gritted teeth for the seemingly poor choice I had made. Wading through publicity photos with the aesthetic charm of an easel that has been beaten to death by a rainbow, reading the insufferably trite album bio that speaks of mysterious caves and split personalities and the aforementioned laughable album cover all served to shrivel my hopes that I had discovered a ziggurat filled with wondrous music.” Dark Sarah has a dragon (and a cave troll).
“Recently, in the course of a discussion I was having regarding another new release set to land in the not too distant future, I was reflecting upon the enormous number of one-man black metal projects turning up in the AMG promo bin at the moment. Well hey, presto, time for another!” Lonely is the word.
“Much like their home country, Distant Sun are composed of contrasts. The same country which sired Tchaikovsky, Tolstoy, and Mendeleev also gave rise to Stalin, turned a blind eye to mass rapes and has one of the most corrupt political systems in the developing world. While not so controversial nor violent, this Moscow-based trio draws equally from both thrash and power metal, pushing their sound a little further on this, their sophomore record.” From Russia with thrash-power!
“Longtime metal fans may remember Superjoint Ritual as the nadir of Philip Aneslmo’s career, if they remember it at all. The band’s general concept — mid-’80s hardcore filtered through the depravity of the New Orleans metal scene — was an interesting one, and the resulting album, 2002’s Use Once and Destroy, was a satisfying blast of spite. 12 years later, Anselmo and guitarist Jimmy Bower (also of Down) have decided to resurrect the project, with half of the original lineup and half of the band name.” Phil is back and his gears are grinding.
“This is my twentieth review for AMG. In honor of such a fine achievement, the nobility at AMG World Headquarters have bestowed upon me a fine destrier, so I can prance through the office valiantly proclaiming my fealty. Well, not really, but I was given the newest output from power-metal wannabes Hammer King, King is Rising. Which, if played loud enough, is practically the same thing.” The Hammer King has a skull tank.
“The mainstream view of metal is that it’s either scary or ridiculous. Which, I suppose, makes us all a bunch of clowns, both in how society views us and in our low-key terrorization of the collective subconscious. But you have to admit that a lot of metal really is a bit idiotic, with grown men playing Viking metal, stringing together the foulest descriptions of gore, or, in the case of power metal, screaming about flaming dragons in the skies.” Those dragons are en fuego!
“In honor of our esteemed Dr. A.N. Grier’s misplaced love for baseball (and the fact that the season has finally come to a merciful conclusion), I present a baseball analogy for Crippled Black Phoenix. CBP are like big-league sluggers: most of the time they strike out, but every few games they wallop one into the second deck of left field.” Swiiiiing, batter.
