“After nearly seven years on hiatus, Baphomet’s Blood have returned (minus S.V. Goat Necromancer) with booze in their beards, blood on their jackets, shovels on their shoulders, and eyes set on murdering lawns-o’-plenty as only Motörhead could do.” Lemmy would be pleased.
“If there was ever a “Yacht Metal” band, Tobias Sammet’s aspirational ego project Avantasia is it. Perpetually over-sized, ostentatious, crowded with celebrities and in danger of sinking under the weight of its own pretentious pomposity, the entire catalog is a monument to the man’s inherent lack of restraint.” But is that ship still seaworthy and can they see the Ghostlights from the distant shore?
“The Mute Gods is the freshly minted project featuring a strong line-up of seasoned musicians from within the progressive music scene.” Spawned from Steve Wilson’s band, The Mute Gods deliver more proggy art rock for your elitist pleasure.
“Just last week we covered Manimal and their crusade to recreate Judas Priest’s Painkiller for the umpteenth time. Now Primal Fear magically appears as if summoned from some traditional classic metal purgatory to defend their title of Lead Priest Imitator Supreme.” You just don’t mess with another man’s eagle.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Jon Nödtviedt decided to put Dissection to rest after the highly-influential Storm of the Lights Bane and decided to join Dark Tranquillity? Yes, I know, total blasphemy, but weirder things have happened. I mean, W.A.S.P. put out a better record last year than Slayer, for crying out loud. Nothing is completely out of the realm of possibility, right?
“Tempest was one of those remarkable underground metal debuts which developed sufficient hype to breach the upper echelon of popular online publications despite its apparent lack of commercial appeal. The oppressive funeral doom, courtesy of the plucking, hitting and growling gents over at Lycus, was positively received by Pitchfork, Decibel and theneedledrop, ultimately garnering a Relapse record deal. Some of us didn’t quite get Lycus before. So did we get on the hype train yet or what?
“I’ve said it before and now I’ll say it again: there are only a few bands I know won’t disappoint me and Brainstorm is the vanguard of those few precious dependables. Sure, some albums are more massive than others, but they’ve yet to let me down with a weak or uninspired effort.” Steel loves his dependables and his Depends.
“Well, 2015 is over and… it was terrible. But rather than bore you with the details, I’ll sum it up like so: rah, rah, rah, I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate everyone and just want to listen to Abstracter in an air-conditioned room while some guy in a Chester the Cheetah costume gives me a back massage. Fortunately, St. Louis black-sludge trio The Lion’s Daughter have produced the perfect soundtrack to my slacker misanthropy with their sophomore LP, Existence Is Horror.” Muppet Cheetah back rubs are overrated.
“So, does anyone besides me miss Bolt Thrower? I mean, sure we have all those classic albums, but where are the new tales of battles lost and won? Since it seems those tales may never be told, we should be grateful Just Before Dawn picked up the flame thrower and continued in the legendary tank treads left by those U.K. fiends.” Farewell to arms (and legs).
“I feel quite confident when I say that Helheim might be one of the most underrated Viking metal outfits on the planet. There weren’t too many Norwegian black-metal bands in the mid ’90s pushing the Viking sound as hard as these guys.” Hel, hel to Norway!
