“I don’t think it’s any secret that I love me some good ole fashioned black metal. I like it old and cold, trebly and chaotic, raspy and harsh. When done correctly, not even the above-average, desert temperatures can keep my spine from growing cold or force me to remove my Darkthrone hoodie.” Leave it to Satan to keep spines frosty and cold.
“This was a bear of an album to review. Let me elaborate a bit for clarification… it’s not just because Italy’s Mourning Mist are a new band with precious little background besides having bassist/vocalist Kvasir (also of Profezia and Abhor) in their ranks, as well as a violinist. Hell, violins in metal ain’t nothing new, right?” Not at all, but when will someone incorporate some balalaika?
“Doom/death is a genre that’s really gotten under my skin over the past few years. And it seems to have left some kind of egg or parasitic hanger on, since I hunger for it more and more. That however, comes with a big caveat: it must be utterly doused in mood and atmosphere or be so insanely heavy it causes sinkholes.” Can a band made up of members from another doom/death band meet this stringent criteria?
“Having recently gone through some much-needed “downsizing” in my personal life, hitting the gym has become a more common activity for me, so I selfishly jumped at the chance to review Salvation’s début album, Resurrect the Tradition. Salvation is a hardcore band featuring alumni of various other hardcore bands (including bassist Gary Meskil of Pro-Pain and Crumbsuckers), and this music is tailor-made to be a real life Game Genie for workouts.” Need some heavy hardcore for your heavy lifting? This might be your Salvation.
“Napalm Death, we meet again. For their last decade or so, these guys have been a model of uneventful consistency. Their notorious lineup changes seem to be a thing of the past (or perhaps not), and their last 4-5 albums have been damn solid. This is certainly a good thing for longtime Napalm fans, but it makes reviewing them increasingly redundant.” You might even say reviewing them is a bit of a…grind?
“June 10th, 2014: I looked out of my window and saw pigs flying, and shortly thereafter received a text from Satan asking why Hell just froze over. Suddenly I remembered that Ice-T’s rap metal outfit Body Count had just released Manslaughter, so I grabbed hold of one of the aforementioned pigs and flew to my local record store to pick up a copy. Upon hearing Manslaughter in its entirety, I texted Satan the answer to his question: “because a great rap metal album was released in 2014.”” There goes the neighborhood, again!
“Three years ago at a Krallice show in New York, a band named Black Anvil took stage, struck an immense wall-shaking chord, and immediately captivated my unsuspecting ears with their hefty, head-crushing riffs. Unlike the post-progressive-neo-sludge-blueberry muffin-whatever I expected to accompany Krallice, Black Anvil was firmly grounded in the primal forms of extreme metal, somehow combining black, death, thrash, and doom without sounding like they’d spent the last decade huffing rubber cement and playing Celtic Frost records backwards.” Holidays go better with rubber cement huffing.
“When it comes to orthodox Swedish-style black metal (which I’ll call “orthodox black metal” for the rest of the review), explaining the general aesthetic is essentially pointless. I can call an album cold, frostbitten, grim, and evil until I turn blue in the face from hypothermia, but that won’t answer the one question readers have when they come to reviews: is this worth listening to?” Orthodox black metal for Christmas? I see what they did there.
“There is one problem I have with punk/crust/D-beat. It encourages me to fuck shit up. When done right, the music tempts me into driving 100 mph to work, marching into my boss’s office and beating the living shit out of him. While I obviously have some serious psychological issues here (particularly being that I am indeed my own boss), music like this sets my skin on fire and the only cure for this uncomfortable burning sensation is revolution, overthrow and apocalyptic destruction.” Apparently we found crust punk for the angry solo practitioner. Work your own hours and burn shit down.
“Sweden’s Anguish have a lot of hype going for them. Their debut, 2012’s Through the Archdemon’s Head, turned the heads of fans, critics, and foxes the world over, bludgeoning everyone with their massive mix of Candlemass, Trouble, and the *ahem* unique vocals of J. Dee. Unfortunately, I never had the opportunity to check that album out, but when news hit that their newest release, Mountain, would take their sound and streamline it, cutting out the fat and giving us just the meaty morsels of their maddening dinner spread, I took the opportunity to jump in…” There may or may not be some minor hype about this band, but we ignore the buzz and deal in facts. Just the facts.
