“Individuality is everything to me. I neither desire nor strive to be anything other than whatever I feel like being in any given moment, and it creeps the everloving fuck right outta me to witness people forcing themselves to fit into a predetermined role simply because it worked for someone else. Hive-minded fashion trends, movie references in lieu of actual jokes, and viral video memery in general; these are a few of my least favorite things that people often use to fill the voids where their personalities should be. And, as a reviewer, the sonic equivalent — blatantly aping any given artist and avoiding originality altogether — makes me fucking sick.” Felt integrity.
Chimaira
Through the Noise – Dualism Review
“This is sure to come as a surprise, what with the kvlt as fvck album art and all, but Through the Noise are about as trve as Santa. With their accessible angst and envelope-friendly chuggatry, these Swedes crabwalk the thick, downtuned line between nü-metal and metalcore, and by all rights, Dualism should have been inflicted upon a n00b. However, there have been far too many 4.0’s awarded as ov late, and I would be remiss to turn down an opportunity to bring you bastards crashing back down to reality, so we are here.” Punishment is due.
Philip H Anselmo & The Illegals – Choosing Mental Illness as a Virtue Review
“I try not to expect much from you people, but I think it’s safe to assume that one or two of you just may have heard of one Philip H. Anselmo, and this being the case you may (the ‘may’ is silent) have an opinion regarding the man. I don’t particularly care about any of that, but he definitely does, and this is painfully clear on Choosing Mental Illness As a Virtue, Phil’s second full-length endeavor with The Illegals.” Philling in the gaps.
Nostoc – Ævum Review
“Firsts. Life’s full of ’em. Some are wonderful, such as the proverbial first kiss, or the first time you heard (or wrote about!) heavy metal. Some are horrible, such as the Drew Music-al first kiss, or the first time you heard Good Charlotte. A band’s first album can fall anywhere within this spectrum, and with their future depending on that first impression, the importance of debut albums cannot be overstated. This being said, let me prepare your future selves to remember the first time you ever heard Nostoc.” First shot at glory.
Broken Hope – Mutilated and Assimilated Review
“Hailing from the windy city, Broken Hope are known for dealing in what could be referred to as second-tier Suffocation or Deicide-inspired death metal, with some healthy Napalm Death grindcore influence.” Hope is never lost, just a bit broken.
Ill Niño – Epidemia Review
As Karmic revenge for throwing things at Ill Niño, Fisting Andrew Golota is forced to listen to their new album. It seem they’re the same nu-metal band he once threw stuff at. So much for progress!
Six Feet Under – Undead Review
Let’s just be brootally honest for a moment, shall we? Six Feet Under is the worst “big” band in the entire death metal genre. Most of their releases are either below average or simply godawful, and after a seventeen year run, they can only boast two semi-good albums of original material. They’ve spewed platter after platter of groove-based, chuggy, simplistic death that only fellow neanderthal deathers Jungle Rot could fully appreciate (though they probably look down on them a bit too).