Dec17

Knife the Glitter – Knife the Glitter Review

Knife the Glitter – Knife the Glitter Review

“I don’t know why, but I end up reviewing a lot of bands that take an inordinately long time to record their works. I’m still waiting for one of them to call themselves Cicada… Maybe Knife the Glitter should have: it would have been a better name, and with a 15-year incubation period for this album, it would be appropriate.” Stab the drama, knife the glitter.

Halphas – Dawn of a Crimson Empire Review

Halphas – Dawn of a Crimson Empire Review

“As Christmas approaches, so too does the easy gushing of TYMHM season. We are in the thick of it now, the best time of the year, the constant f5ing and frantic back-listening, the questions of how you completely and totally slept on that band you’d never heard of until just now. Every day heralds a batch of guaranteed winners determined to kick the certitude of yesterday’s Top Ten down a mine shaft. Halphas kindly reminds you not to ignore the humble review, because Dawn of a Crimson Empire is no less impressive than any of the December delights that have caught your eye.” Did you…overlook this, perhaps?

Ancient Empire – The Tower [Things You Might Have Missed 2017]

Ancient Empire – The Tower [Things You Might Have Missed 2017]

“When I was a wee swordbearer in the northern taiga with fewer years under my belt and not enough Jørn Lande in my life, I lived on a metal diet comprised almost solely of Freedom Call, Power Quest, Dark Moor, and their ilk. I was absolutely convinced that other than Kamelot, there was really nothing coming out of the US that could interest me. Then, a couple years later, I was slapped silly by Pharaoh, Nevermore, and Twisted Tower Dire.” Murican power metal – it’ll slap ya.

Jarun – Sporysz Review

Jarun – Sporysz Review

“It appears we have another victim of the dreaded ‘December Release.’ A period of the year that shows black in a reviewer’s vision. But lists need making and TYMHM articles need writing. No one has time to squat down and pinch out another review before the year comes to an end. But, this isn’t any ordinary release. It isn’t run-of-the-mill or disappointing, it isn’t pathetic or a waste of time. Hell, it isn’t even good. It’s fucking great.” Last minute stocking buster.

Diablo Swing Orchestra – Pacifisticuffs Review

Diablo Swing Orchestra – Pacifisticuffs Review

“Back in ’12—when I was wearing an onion on my belt, as that was the fashion at the time—I encountered Diablo Swing Orchestra for the first time. These Swedish purveyors of the abstract and absurdly catchy had composed an album entitled Pandora’s Piñata that I downright lovedDSO went into hibernation after PP and resurfaced again with the news that their long-time vocalist AnnLouice Lögdlund was leaving the band. Lögdlund’s considerable lung capacity was replaced with Kristen Evegård, but unlike other band breakups when you lose a vocalist, DSO kept most of the rest of the band in place and produced a new album. 2017’s newest record is the wittily entitled Pacifisticuffs, which coming from Swedes is a great way of describing what appears to be the Swedish cultural state of nature.” Conscientious objections.

Scars of Armageddon – Dead End Review

Scars of Armageddon – Dead End Review

Scars of Armageddon has an interesting fusion of sounds to its credit. The band’s style of power metal straddles the line between USPM and Euro-power, with occasional blips of melodic death metal influence, particularly in the rhythm section. All of this, along with a lack of keys, gives them a Germanic cant.” Chicks dig scars, but power metal? Not so much.

The Clearing Path – Watershed Between Firmament and the Realm of Hyperborea Review

The Clearing Path – Watershed Between Firmament and the Realm of Hyperborea Review

“When writing reviews I try to spend as much time articulating ‘why I like the thing’ as much as I do proclaiming that ‘the thing is good.’ This is strictly for the benefit of my audience; if I fail to indicate my qualifiers for good music, a reader with far-removed expectations may feel alienated or, even worse, make a blind purchase and end up wasting hard-earned Bandcamp Bucks.” Blind purchase blues.

Mistheria – Gemini Review

Mistheria – Gemini Review

“If only it were that simple. Completely instrumental albums are more difficult to write, I think because we are automatically drawn to voices. Without a vocalist, the tracks must be carefully composed to guide the listener’s attention and keep a sense of structural flow and integrity. Gemini is not carefully composed. Gemini doesn’t have flow and barely any structure. Rather, Gemini is a group of very talented musicians wanking onto a biscuit and hoping you’ll eat it.” Don’t eat the buttermilked biscuits.

Midnight – Sweet Death and Ecstasy Review

Midnight – Sweet Death and Ecstasy Review

“Though he continues to use the shredding—and, sometimes melodic—guitar work of Abigail, the groove of Motörhead, and the speed metal of Venom, Athenar’s in-your-face vocal style, and evolving songwriting, are his own. But, the pressure is on and the hype is up. Will 2017’s Sweet Death and Ecstasy prove to be that follow-up No Mercy for Mayhem needs?” Midnight in the garden of scissors.