“As you might have noticed and/or protested, I’ve recently had a ratings run of Steelian proportions. I know I should thank my lucky stars that most of my comrades would kill to fall ass-backward into this vat of high scores and tickled bemusement. But I’m a greedy bastard and I want more!” It’s not a competition.
“Some bands plug away releasing record after record of dry, digitized discipline that no one particularly cares to recall. And then there are those acts that manage to seamlessly meld technical proficiency, distinct brutality and that often evasive element of musicality that seasons the broth. Italy’s Hour of Penance have, for me, always been one of those bands.” Seasons in the broth.
![Dormant Ordeal – We Had It Coming [Things You Might Have Missed 2016]](https://www.angrymetalguy.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Dormant-Ordeal-We-Had-It-Coming-Cover-768x768.jpg)
“Since first cozying up to Dormant Ordeal one sleepy summer Saturday, the thundering masterclass has hardly left my rotation. Perhaps not the finest death metal to ever emigrate from Poland, We Had It Coming nonetheless evokes a primal emotion that renders it impossible to extract rational thought from the perpetual desire to blast this savage motherfucker from the rooftops.” But that might scare away Santa!
“Listening to Oniric Delusions this past week got me thinking about vanilla ice cream. It’s a dessert that’s not so much widely loved as universally accepted as a reliable standby to other, more complex dishes. Proper application of toppings however can transform this most mundane of treats into something special and unique. When I learned that Banisher hails from Poland and markets themselves as extreme death metal, I couldn’t help but raise my expectations at least a little.” Poland is for death lovers.
“Hailing from the Czech Republic, Pandemia is a bit like the death metal equivalent of Everybody Loves Raymond; it’s been around a while appeared alongside plenty of important things, but you’ve never met anyone who really knows much about it. Maybe you’ve run across it once and stuck around for a few minutes, but something else caught your attention pretty quickly.” But everybody LOVES Raymond! War metal, maybe not so much these days.
“Through my own charm, genius and palpable immodesty, I have single-handedly, along with Grymm, convinced the Angry Metal Elders to grant me a big boy year-end list. My year’s tenure in the catacombs of AMG headquarters has proved fruitful beyond measure thanks not only to my brilliant colleagues and our dedicated readers…” Pretty much anybody gets a list these days. There goes the neighborhood!
“Record(s) o’ the Month here at Angry Metal Guy can be tricky. This is partially because I hold on to the right to dictate them with an iron fist despite being busy, and partially because… no, that’s pretty much it. I’m a busy guy, Record(s) o’ the Month take time, and I refuse to let anyone else actually do them. You might wonder why, and I’ll tell you: are you aware of how many positive reviews Jørn Lande has gotten at AngryMetalGuy.com? I assure you, this hellhole of subjectivity we call “AMG” for short is a hive of gibbering Jørn fanboys-and-girls. It’s absurd, I know! But with that in mind it should be easy to understand how difficult it is be for me to relinquish control over the sacred Record o’ the Month post. Nay, certainly doing such a thing is a greater threat to the sanctity and continued credibility of Angry Metal Guy than most anything.” Will Angry Metal Guy maintain a shred of credibility, or will the Jørn apologists win again!?
“American Horror Story: Freak Show puts faces to the monsters that walk among us, case in point Twisty the Clown! Lords of chaos and insanity, Orion (Behemoth), Daray (Dimmu Borgir, ex-Vader) and Heinrich (ex-Decapitated) of Vesania, give these monsters a soundtrack.” I hate clowns. All of them.
“Ah, Polish death metal. The riffing quivers with imperial might, the drumming carpet-bombs soundscapes like F-22s over Syrian ISIS outposts, the band names evoke titanic sacrilegious deities or bear primal aggression with their blunt simplicity: Behemoth, Hate, Azarath, Decapitated, and – Calm Hatchery. Uh – the fuck? Yes, forming in 2002 with a moniker that calls to mind cuddly newborn dinosaurs instead of ragged bleeding neck stumps, Calm Hatchery already stacked the cards against themselves….” Worst band name ever? We report, you decide.
“August. Cicaidas scream in the oaks. The punishing sun presses vapors from the Earth, rendering the air nearly drinkable. You could brew tea in the steam rising in the morning light. Even the dogs relinquish their rightfully-given portion of summer in favor of an air-conditioned shelter. Inside of that shelter, complete with the high-speed internet needed to distract one from the horrors of the season, a terrible, moments-long sound streams from the wide, unblinking eyes of the speakers. It sounds like fucking Decapitated.” Death, thy name is Decapitated.
