“Do you remember what life was like prior to 2015 B.V. (Before Vardan)? Back when the phrase “monthly visitor” meant something radically different than black metal’s most notorious one-man sweatshop, the busiest man in black metal was Ukrainian pagan mastermind Yaromisl and his own one-man machine, Zgard.” C’mon boys, it’s not a competition. You’re both totally obscure.
“Austin Lunn is proving to be one the most talented and prolific musicians in the modern American metal scene. Barely a year after releasing the excellent Roads to the North and contributing to Saor’s stunning depiction of Celtic folklore, Aura, he’s returned with the seventh full-length under his primary Panopticon moniker.” Grab your dip and stick it in your lip. It’s time for some redneck black metal!
“Let’s be honest; I’m as excited for Abbath as my son is about his new Optimus Prime Halloween costume. Ever since hearing about Abbath’s new venture, my fellow scalpel wielder (Dr. Fisting) and I have yet to cease our musings of grand times spent with Immortal and the one-hit-wonder that is I. It’s bad enough that I’s Between Two Worlds already gets a shitload of playtime on the Grier IPod, but lately it has been even worse [I worship that damn album. – Steel Druhm]. So, what the hell does this have to do with anything? Paint yourself like a black & white cookie and follow us to the mountains!
“With none but Woodfall’s Raphael Weinroth-Browne on cello and Heather Sita Black singing, The Visit’s debut album, Through Darkness Into Light, seems an unlikely candidate for Angry Metal Guy. Classical chamber music is stylistically about as far as one can venture from bombastic metal sub-genres such as power.” Prepare to get some class in your crude lives, you philistines.
“Once a writer has reviewed a band, it’s standard practice for them to review any subsequent records that band releases. Unless, of course, AMG wrote the original review and is too busy masturbating over old Iron Maiden records to critique new music. As you will have noticed, this scenario arose just the other week, and that’s why it’s fallen to me to review Leaves’ Eyes’ latest platter.” We have a system and you’re gonna use it!
“I’ll freely admit to having thrown up my hands and walked away from the majority of black metal over the past five years. Whatever drew me to the style in its infancy with Bathory and onward through Emperor and Darkthrone has all but died. I’ll still pay attention to releases by the big names, but for the most part I’ve given up the ghost. One of the rare bands that still holds a special place in my nonblack heart is West Virginia’s quirky and obscure Nechochwen.” It’s time to get your ass into the Spirit World!
“Despite operating out of a state best known for metrosexual men wearing fake tans and engaging in post-modern mating dances for sultry females, Windfaerer prizes the mythology of the Iberian Peninsula and pays homage to such ancestry. Tenebrosum is derived from the Latin for “darkness” and with Spanish song titles, they certainly target a higher-brow audience than the aforementioned gentlemen.” New Jersey has turned out some classy music over the years, and it never stops surprising folks.
“Singer-songwriter Chelsea Wolfe’s music doesn’t strictly reside under the heavy metal umbrella. However her unique form of dark artistry has captured quite a significant following within and outside of the metal community.” Time for something a little bit different.
“Danish one woman black metal project Myrkur burst onto the scene in a shroud of mystery with her debut self-titled EP last year. When her identity was revealed to be New York based artist Amalie Bruun of indie-pop duo Ex-Cops, the fickle factions of the wider metal community were seemingly more concerned about her apparently dubious metal cred than the frigid blast of old school Norwegian black metal, post-metal atmospherics and melancholic folk the EP delivered.” Damn those fickle factions to Hell!
“I’m aware many readers think I pick promos to review based solely on the presence or absence of a sword wielding barbarian on the cover. I can certainly see the reasoning behind that school of thought, but you’ll note there is no such angry warrior here, only a solitary dude in feathers and native garb. That dude is none other than Jonne Javela, vocalist and guitarist of Finnish folk-metal pioneers, Korpiklaani, and Jonne is his new solo album.” Finland’s woodland spirits are loose and feeling frisky.
