Nov16

Flidais – Kazador Review

Flidais – Kazador Review

“Judging a book by its cover is an age-old tradition, despite the advice of moms everywhere. Albums are much the same. For instance, if the cover is a black passe-partout around a black and white figure, with a logo I can’t read, it’s usually a one-man black metal band. With the name of an ancient Celtic goddess and an album cover more lilac than the air freshener aisle in the local Wal-Mart, Flidais seem intent to have you believe they play some sort of flowery hippie folk metal, like the Grateful Dead with more distortion.” Lilac is the new black.

Suffer Yourself – Ectoplasm Review

Suffer Yourself – Ectoplasm Review

“I know that ectoplasm is an actual thing. Wikipedia tells me it’s ‘the more viscous, clear outer layer of the cytoplasm in amoeboid cells.’ But it also has its paranormal applications: that which is left behind by ghouls and ghosts and has been utilized by classic comedy (‘He slimed me’). Unfortunately for Poland’s Suffer Yourself, it’s this latter use to which I default.” Gunk in the trunk.

Martyrdöd – List

Martyrdöd – List

“While Gothenburg’s melodeath bands dilly-dallied with their harmonic guitar lines and playful melodies the less harmonious and filth-ridden beasts of punky D-beat slimed their way around the city’s sewers. In the 80s and 90s Swedish bands like Anti Cimex and Totalitär funnelled the crusted hardcore-punk sound of Discharge and their British counterparts through even dirtier Swedish backwaters.” D…beat.

Thy Shade – The Last Goodbye Review

Thy Shade – The Last Goodbye Review

“You know, you can say what you want about female fronted symphonic metal like Nightwish, Within Temptation and Leaves’ Eyes, but they have (or had) some terrific vocalists. Tarja, Sharon van Adel, Simone Simons of Epica, the list goes on. In plenty of cases the music may be tepid and derivative, but at least those golden throats are there to put salve on the wounds and distract from the musical mediocrity.” Throwing shade.

Liber Null – I – The Serpent Review

Liber Null – I – The Serpent Review

“Creativity is a fickle beast. On bright days ensconced in melodious excellence, these words bound forth like an ever-flowing stream. Others? A wall of emptiness and muted cinder blocks mortared upon dark grey concrete. We yearn for the music that evokes the former but Liber Null, unfortunately, does not. So here I sit, swilling my scotch, wondering how to convey just what about I – The Serpent fails to strike me.” Drinking scotchy scotch scotch on the job, eh? We approve.

Aenaon – Hypnosophy Review

Aenaon – Hypnosophy Review

“It’s not often that AMG Himself and I get into an online kerfluffle about a review. See, I do my best to grab promos from bands I’ve never heard of, hoping that my curiosity turns me on to some great music. For the most part, it succeeds. But there comes a time when Señor AMG gets a taste of a band you’re reviewing and goes completely ga-ga over it.” When AMG attacks.

Mortualia – Wild, Wild Misery Review

Mortualia – Wild, Wild Misery Review

“Here’s a sage piece of life advice you can have for free: always carefully check what you’ve typed into your Google search bar before hitting ‘enter.’ I recently fell foul of this little rule while researching ‘depressive suicidal black metal’ (or ‘DSBM’) for the purposes of writing this review. Unless you’re feeling particularly brave, you’ll just have to take my word for it that while DSBM and BDSM might look similar, they are definitely not the same thing. I learned this the hard way.” Are we still doing phrasing?

Root – Kärgeräs – Return from Oblivion Review

Root – Kärgeräs – Return from Oblivion Review

“After years of meandering through the comments section as your friendly neighborhood bone-saw (and before as another beloved reader), I’ve had the pleasure of sparing with many of you, upsetting the tight-ass AMG HR department, and making fun of Diabolus for his bad taste in music. Somewhere in the last couple years, one of you recommended Root to me and forever changed my life.” Report to HR to get your life re-changed.

Krepitus – The Eyes of the Soulless Review

Krepitus – The Eyes of the Soulless Review

“Metal fans collect sub-genres like Barbie dolls: in a huge assortment of flavors, often mildly disturbing, and most pleasant when pulled apart and recombined. It’s almost strange when a band plays a sub-genre straight and usually we cover up our embarrassment by transforming ‘death metal’ into something like ‘old school Swedish death metal.’ Luckily, I have no such problems, because Krepitus play one of the more prevalent genre combos: death thrash.” Mix n’ thrash.