“Naming your doom metal band Heavydeath is like naming your cat “Whiskers McPussyface,” but somehow this Swedish trio manages to pull it off. In early 2015 these former Runemagick members quite impressed me with debut Eternal Sleepwalker, at least enough that I actually bothered to check out a few of the motherfucking 16 demos, EPs, and compilations the band released since forming just three years ago.” Slowprolific.
“The immense advertising campaign inadvertently carried out by certain English street signs notwithstanding, Dead End is a strange and largely uninspiring name for a death-doom band. A name like Paradise Lost brings to mind Milton’s epic poem about the Fall of Man, Katatonia suggests an inescapable numbness, and My Dying Bride evokes a mental horror show. Dead End, on the other hand, brings to mind seeing a sign that means I have to make a three-point turn before I reach the end of the road I’m driving on. I don’t exactly enjoy three-point turns, but they certainly don’t fill me with dread.” Fear the cvl-de-sac.
“Heavenwood charted a strange course over their 20 year career. Coming out of the Portuguese metal scene at the same time as Moonspell, the two bands shared a love of dark gothic rock mixed with elements of black and death metal. Their Diva debut played like Wolfheart filtered through Crematory and The Cure and though less heavy than Moonspell, they were almost as interesting. Then came a ten year hiatus and a radical shift of direction toward the kind of hybrid symphonic goth/black/death style as Septicflesh, Nightfall and to a lesser extent, Rotting Christ.” Pick a card (and a genre).
“I don’t agree with my dad on everything, but there’s one thing we do agree about: cruises are the best way to vacation. Free all-you-can-eat buffets, breezy tropical weather, alcohol and entertainment available everywhere, and – most importantly – you’re always within walking distance of your room, so you never have to worry about getting a DUI or throwing up in an Uber on your ride back to the Red Roof Inn. But a cruise with 60 metal bands and over 3,000 fans from all over the world, making a four day round-trip to Jamaica with bars that never close? That’s a whole different beast entirely!” In the Navy, you can rock the seven seas!
“I have a unique history with Greek black metal institution Rotting Christ. As a youngin’, I was first introduced to them via (what else?) Metal Maniacs Magazine. They were hyped up as a great second-wave black metal band with interesting melodies and a unique cultural viewpoint.” The phalanx is ready to rumble once again. Release the Kraken!
“We’ve reached the end of 2015 and this year I’m personally editing these Top Ten lists. For the first time (ever) I am reading the production of the different writers we’ve assembled over the last few years. I am shocked. I am dismayed. I feel angry, offended, galled. But I am not surprised. Under Steel Druhm and Madam X‘s indulgent care and averted gaze the young Angry Metal Staffers have run amok. Alas, after having actually consumed of the words these gentlemen produce, I’m firing them all. It’s back to the drawing board: me, Steel Druhm, and as much metalcore as you can eat!”
“Maybe it’s the treacherous geography or all the active volcanoes, but there’s just something special about South American death metal. From Mortem’s sadly overlooked De Natura Demonium to the primal brutality of Atomic Aggressor, many of these bands have a certain other-worldliness that just isn’t found elsewhere.” Just want you thought your year end lists were safe.
“Once a writer has reviewed a band, it’s standard practice for them to review any subsequent records that band releases. Unless, of course, AMG wrote the original review and is too busy masturbating over old Iron Maiden records to critique new music. As you will have noticed, this scenario arose just the other week, and that’s why it’s fallen to me to review Leaves’ Eyes’ latest platter.” We have a system and you’re gonna use it!
“Whenever I say the words “endurance test,” what does that do to you, dear reader? Do you think of 26.2 mile marathons across metropolises like Boston, or even out in the barren sticks of Arizona? Do they bring back memories of reading books like War & Peace in the time span of a few days, in hopes that the book report will somehow miraculously score higher than the “C” you earned due to poor planning?” I think of sitting through any late period Metallica album.
“Rebounding from their infamous flirtation with electronic pop music, British doom legends Paradise Lost have kicked out a string of albums since 2005 that rival the sonic oppression of their early-’90s heyday. More recently, the band has embraced their death metal roots, as evidenced by guitarist Gregor Mackintosh’s Vallenfyre project and singer Nick Holmes’ involvement with Bloodbath. This intensified commitment to old-school heaviness sets the stage for The Plague Within.” The Lost Ones are back, but what do they sound like after vacationing in the realms of death?
