“As child of the ’80s, and metal fan of the mid-to-late ’90s, Sweden was a signpost that meant “great metal.” Sweden was a magical haven of everything my neighborhood wasn’t: filled to the brim with amazing bands. Ironically, by the time I moved to Sweden, the things that were left over were the things I liked the least….” That doesn’t sound like a promising start to a review.
“If you know jack shit about extreme metal drumming, you already have a good idea of what this album is going to sound like. If you don’t know jack shit about drumming, it’s time to learn.” It’s time for some schooling.
“I was going to make some clever marijuana pun to begin – what’s an AMG review without band name-related humor? – but thought that would be too easy a swipe at such low-lying fruit. Can we all just take a moment to reflect on the ridiculousness of the name Weedeater? Done? Okay, let’s move on.” Since when did we stop picking the low hanging fruit?
This post has been removed because it promoted Nazi or Nazi-adjacent metal bands or musicians. We apologize.
“One visit to The Monolith Deathcult’s website or Facebook page and you’ll instantly have the same problem I do when trying to take these guys seriously. I mean, come on. If you met me in a bar and I was holding a baseball bat, outfitted in atrocious sunglasses, and sucking on a cigar, you’d be looking to trade me for the lead man of Bad Guys as your designated wingman, and rightly so.” No one’s getting lucky tonight.
“These days the word “fairytale” conjures up quesy images of watered-down Disney films, of sickly sweet soundtracks that work their way so far under your skin they freeze your blood, and of delightful princesses toiling away in grueling mediocrity until they fall into the strong arms of an musclebound Prince Charming to live happily ever after… and that’s not metal!” Madam X has issues with Disney and she can’t let them go. But this ain’t no damn fairytale!
“When it comes to orthodox Swedish-style black metal (which I’ll call “orthodox black metal” for the rest of the review), explaining the general aesthetic is essentially pointless. I can call an album cold, frostbitten, grim, and evil until I turn blue in the face from hypothermia, but that won’t answer the one question readers have when they come to reviews: is this worth listening to?” Orthodox black metal for Christmas? I see what they did there.
“Archspire are, first and foremost, fast. Everything about The Lucid Collective is tight, taught and percussive, from the brutal-death-leaning snare tone to vocalist Oli Peters’ inhumanly pummeling rap-growled vocal lines.” Kronos brings you another slab of rotting death you may have missed. Have at it!
“If you’re a death metal fan and haven’t at least heard the name Necrophagia, you either aren’t much of a fan or you’re deaf, in which case you have a really good excuse and aren’t listening to death metal anyway. Or nu-metal. Or polka.” These fiends have been lurking at the periphery of extreme metal since the 80s and just wont die. Die, monster, die!
“The Seasons of Mist promo team must have collectively flipped their titties when the Sydney Conservatorium of Music announced they were to use Ne Obliviscaris’s “And Plague Flowers The Kaleido” on their teaching syllabus. In a world of increasingly simple and commercial music, nothing screams musical credibility more than appreciation from a prestigious classical school. Mutual respect and musical coalition of the ‘complex’ and ‘respectable’ genres of classical, jazz and metal are commonly used by bands and fans for self-validation and in intellectual dick-waving contests.” El Cuervo braves the dick wavery and boards the hype train like Phallus in Wonderland.
