GardensTale

Will be destroying crappy nu-metal and praising crappy prog until the sky dies.
Carcharodon – Bukkraken Review

Carcharodon – Bukkraken Review

“Although Carcharodon come from the filigreed halls of Italy, legendary for its theatricality, they named themselves after the genus for the great white shark and the megalodon, and they call their music macho metal. If you still don’t know which side of the subtlety fence they fall on: there’s a song on here called “Whalefucker.”” Macho, macho metal.

Green Death – Hallowmass Review

Green Death – Hallowmass Review

“Let it never be said I’m not game for unconventional genre hybrids. Gothic speed metal? Hand me the scalpel. Power death metal? Probably just melodic death metal in disguise, but I’ll don my bib all the same. Thrash doom metal? Now we’re talking! Green Death from Des Moines, Iowa, claim they managed to inject doom, melodic death, and other scraps of genres into thrash metal. The biting speed and fury of thrash seem antithetical to the heavy-handed lethargy of doom, rousing the suspicion that the genre description is full of crap, or as they say on that side of the pond, fake news.” It an’t easy being green and dead.

Drift into Black – Dead Suns Under the Forever Moon Review

Drift into Black – Dead Suns Under the Forever Moon Review

“Back in February, the Angry Lord himself graced the website with what is objectively the best article of advice to unsigned bands ever written. While that piece is special enough just by existing, what makes it even better is that, occasionally, bands even claim to have read it. When that happens, and if we don’t miss the magical moment entirely, I am always more than willing to give the band their dues and take a gander at their material, for better or worse. Such would have been the case here if it weren’t for one fact: Drift into Black is not a band, but a guy by the name of Craig Rossi.” Unsigned, unaccompanied.

Lydia Laska – Ego Death Review

Lydia Laska – Ego Death Review

“Sir David Bowie. The Duke, The Chameleon, The Goblin King. In January 2016, the world lost one of the greatest musicians it had ever known. Throughout his illustrious career, Bowie wore many faces, but even at his darkest, he retained a sultry air with his seductive voice and androgynous personae. First-wave black metal would place near-last on my list of metal genres that could pair with the Duke, but that’s exactly what ,b>Lydia Laska aim to do.” Look back in blackness.

Dunbarrow – II Review

Dunbarrow – II Review

“Distortion and metal are so closely connected it’s difficult to see them separated at all. Yes, there are some bands who don’t utilize distortion, primarily in the power metal section of the mall, and yes, there are artists that use distortion without being primarily metal. However, by and large, metal means distorted guitars. There’s a reason many agree that metal was invented when Black Sabbath introduced that evil guitar tone to the world. Dunbarrow, however, see it as a challenge to be heavy like Sabbath without layering on the distortion, and to this end they look toward the forebears of our genre, evident in the luxurious lapping at the puddles of the 70s with their sophomore album, inspirationally titled II.” But this goes to 11.

Gaia – Aerial Review

Gaia – Aerial Review

“I like reviewing underdogs. Every now and then you run into an album that seems to have everything against it, yet a nagging feeling remains that if they just do everything right, it might be lightning in a bottle. Enter Gaia, brainchild of young multi-instrumentalist Abhiruk Patowary from New Delhi.” Open bottle, prepare for shocks.

Deicide – Overtures of Blasphemy Review

Deicide – Overtures of Blasphemy Review

“Despite being a household name in Floridian death metal, Deicide have had a track record as consistent as Nicolas Cage’s acting career. The godslaughtering murder machine fronted by the ever controversial Glen Benton set the tone with a couple of fledgling gems but since then, the quality of their output has been dice rolls all around. The only reviewed records on AMG were the sterile, unconvincing To Hell With God, and In The Minds Of Evil. Though the latter was a step up, its lack of spirit utterly failed to impress Lord Druhm. With no big wins under their belt since 2006’s The Stench of Redemption, Glen and the boys desperately need a slam dunk to convince the world they still belong at the top of the geographical niche they helped create.” Rebranding the cross of Floridian death.

Tornado – Commitment to Excellence Review

Tornado – Commitment to Excellence Review

“The world of today is in turmoil. Across the Western world, after decades of growth for love, tolerance and liberty, a movement of blanket hatred for the ‘other’ has begun to creep up through the pores. That movement, which has been festering in the darkness and has finally started to expose itself in full in recent years, has infected political discourse all over North America and Europe. Most metal bands simply keep trucking on, and that’s a good thing. We all need an escape from the raging shitstorm every now and then. Finnish thrash band Tornado could not abide by this, however, and they’re taking their music to the streets, likely along with a few picketing signs.” Commit to semi-goodness.