GardensTale

Will be destroying crappy nu-metal and praising crappy prog until the sky dies.

Tornado – Commitment to Excellence Review

By GardensTale on August 29, 2018 in 2018, Extreme Metal Music, Finnish Metal, Glam Metal, Reviews, Thrash Metal, Thrash Metal, 57 comments

“The world of today is in turmoil. Across the Western world, after decades of growth for love, tolerance and liberty, a movement of blanket hatred for the ‘other’ has begun to creep up through the pores. That movement, which has been festering in the darkness and has finally started to expose itself in full in recent years, has infected political discourse all over North America and Europe. Most metal bands simply keep trucking on, and that’s a good thing. We all need an escape from the raging shitstorm every now and then. Finnish thrash band Tornado could not abide by this, however, and they’re taking their music to the streets, likely along with a few picketing signs.” Commit to semi-goodness.

Semantic Saturation – Paradigms Review

By GardensTale on August 23, 2018 in 2018, Canadian Metal, Progressive Metal, Progressive Rock, Reviews, Self-released, Progressive Metal, Progressive Rock, 28 comments

“Welcome to Psych 102! Today we discuss the phenomenon of semantic saturation, or satiation. Ever hear a word so often it just becomes a sound and loses all meaning? Let’s try it here! Read this out loud, focusing on the sound of the word: juxtapose. Juxtapose. Juxtapose. Juxtapose. Juxtapose. Are you feeling it yet? Syrian/Canadian guitarist Shant Hagopian was, and he was feeling it with music rather than words. Developing an acute allergy to repetition, he decided to create a band with a focus on variety, resulting in the instrumental band Semantic Saturation.” Paradigms and envelopes.

Spacetrucker – Smooth Orbit Review

By GardensTale on August 22, 2018 in 2018, American Metal, Reviews, Self-released, Stoner Metal, Stoner Metal, 32 comments

“In recent times, we’ve had several naked space ladies adorning stoner covers, one of them cuddling an astronaut that reappeared on a third, more psychedelic interpretation. Spacetrucker pay homage to Deep Purple with their name, their favorite weed-smoking mood with album title Smooth Orbit, and a curious combination of Scooby Doo and the far reaches of the cosmos with their album art. Let’s find out whether their music is as dank as their kush.” Cruising the stars in a mystery van.

Essenz – Manes Impetus Review

By GardensTale on August 16, 2018 in 2018, Amor Fati Productions, Black Metal, Doom Metal, Drone, German Metal, Reviews, Black Metal, Doom Metal, 50 comments

“Stepping out of your comfort zone is often a healthy thing. Slither away from the soft bed you know into the cold bath of the unknown and you might find yourself with a new affection you never knew existed. When it comes to metal, by and large, this means black metal for me. Though I’ve run into the occasional band that surprises me with articulate frostiness, such as Mistur and Gaerea, the genre as a whole tends to linger outside my grasp. So here I am once more, venturing into the obtuse murk, with the harsh glare of Essenz, a German outfit of cryptically abbreviated band members.” From comfort to cvlt.

Ravens Creed – Get Killed or Try Dying Review

By GardensTale on August 13, 2018 in 2018, British Metal, Crust Punk, Death Metal, Reviews, Xtreem Music, Crust Punk, Death Metal, 28 comments

“Among the uninitiated, metal has a reputation for being “that angry sort of music.” Of course, we know better than that. Many progressive and power metal bands wax about life-affirming statements in flowery language, and even many heavy metal bands aim more for fun and camaraderie than anger and skull-bashery. With more extreme forms of metal, it’s easier to see where the ignorant come from, but even black metal commonly puts subjects like evil and subversion ahead of sheer violence. Ravens Creed, however, have no problem giving in to the stereotypes.” Violence begets other violence.

Southern Empire – Civilisation Review

By GardensTale on August 1, 2018 in 2018, Australian Metal, Giant Electric Pea, Progressive Rock, Reviews, Progressive Rock, 145 comments

“Let’s be real here: are bands truly progressive when the longest song between them is but a measly fifteen minutes? Adelaide’s Southern Empire say “Not so!” as they drop the massive platter that is Civilisation. The four-track album clocks in at a mind-numbing seventy minutes! Can they justify the enormous time investment required to fully appreciate a record of such hefty girth?” An album with big bones.

Axegrinder – Satori Review

By GardensTale on July 18, 2018 in 2018, British Metal, Crust Punk, Reviews, Rise Above Records, Thrash Metal, Crust Punk, 71 comments

“We’ve seen this scenario before. Bands split up, go on indefinite hiatus or just drop off the face of the Earth, only to re-emerge years and years later with new material and a fresh load of crow’s feet. Axegrinder manage to take this to the next level, however. Their first album, The Rise of the Serpent Men, dropped in 1989, the year the Berlin Wall came down. Satori, released in the summer of the Year of Our Jørn 2018, is the follow-up, if you can still call it that. Twenty-nine years between releases makes the next Tool album feel rushed and might inspire G.R.R. Martin to take it a little easier on releasing the next A Song of Ice and Fire novel.” New olde beginnings.

Jollymon – Void Walker Review

By GardensTale on July 6, 2018 in 2018, American Metal, Hard Rock, In Music We Trust, Reviews, Stoner Metal, Hard Rock, Stoner Metal, 33 comments

The 90’s are not generally the most beloved of musical eras. The golden age of metal waned into an age of alt rock and grunge, with its faux-tough sensibilities and often minimalistic songcraft compared to the high-speed technical intricacies of classic heavy and thrash metal. All empires must fall, however, and alt rock and grunge found their wings clipped just the same, as the old millennium sighed into the new. Back in those days, an outfit calling themselves Jolly Mon were trying to turn ripples into waves around the Pacific northwest. They must have sensed the time was not right for them, because much like Pennywise the Clown, Jolly Mon went into hibernation for over a decade and a half.” Void if opened before 2018.

Al Ard – Al Ard Review

By GardensTale on June 24, 2018 in 2018, Black Metal, Code666 Records, Industrial Metal, Italian Metal, Reviews, Black Metal, Industrial Metal, 36 comments

“Al Ard are described as a mixture of black metal and dubstep, and if you didn’t grimace at least a little just now, you probably managed not to hear about dubstep in the first place. Dubstep is the unholy combination of a computer on the fritz and all the worst tendencies of electronic music. The last time we saw a metal band try to incorporate dubstep was about as pleasant as using a lamprey for a fleshlight. Can Al Ard overcome my prejudice?” Step off.

Thorium – Blasphemy Awakes Review

By GardensTale on June 13, 2018 in 2018, Danish Metal, Death Metal, Mighty Music, Reviews, Death Metal, Melodic Death Metal, 25 comments

“What a swell dude Rogga Johansson is. Even though he is getting ever closer to having a band for every letter of the alphabet, he still finds time to assist his buddies with their songwriting troubles. One such buddy is Michael “MHA” Andersen, managing director of Danish label Mighty Music and frontman for death metal band Thorium.” A Rogga for every season.