“When perusing the AMG Upcoming Crap We Need to Review List™ of new releases, it’s easy to judge bands based on their names. King Heavy and their self-titled debut album apparently fell into the doom metal category, and I immediately made the connection with King Giant’s recent release – the two similarly titled bands within the same genre would surely broadly equate and offer a convenient comparative review?” Nothing is as it seems on the Crap List.
“Imagine, for a second, one such object, say a charcoal black freight train splattered with shiny, rainbow-colored spots that has descended to our plane straight from some kooky stoner heaven, traveling at a high speed, unstoppable, and crushing everything in its path.” So little time to get out of the way of the Rainbow Train. Now less…now none!
“It’s early in June, and last night we had the heating on. The wind was howling through the trees, rain battered against the window, and I sat shivering under my duvet, mourning for the summer. Few bands could provide such a suitable soundtrack as Deuil.” Ha ha, he has a duvet. That’s not metal!
“It’s no big revelation to state that music doesn’t exist in a vacuum, so in the spirit of spicing things up and non-sequitur literary devices, let’s talk hamburgers.” Hope you like yours dead, blackened and from the 80s or you’re going to leave hungry.
“It is incredible how a couple spawn can transform a lackadaisical lifestyle into one of routine and worry. Everyday apprehension is fueled by medical bills, daycare, diapers, clothing, public school, and Thomas-the-fucking-Tank-Engine. Just ask Al Kikuras; he’ll tell ya.” Maybe we shouldn’t have given Dr. A.N. Grier such a child-unfriendly album.
“I’m not a big lasagna guy. It’s weird, because while each of the main ingredients are great in other dishes, I just could never fully get behind that big cheesy rectangle, even though I really should enjoy it. But alas, the appeal has eluded me and if I was given a choice of what to make at home or order at a restaurant, it’s safe to say that it would never be lasagna. What does this have to do with metal and/or angry-ness?” Good question, and who the hell doesn’t like lasagna?
“There was a time before the Bay Area thrash explosion where bands were playing fairly fast without it actually being what we now consider thrash metal. Acts like Exciter, Agent Steel, Attacker and even Razor were surely speedy and had the rudiments of thrash in place, but are now referred to as speed metal. Belgian upstarts Evil Invaders look to plant their flag right at the junction between speed and thrash, and tip their hand by using Razor’s best known ditty as their moniker.” Have you ever been screamed at by a crazy cat lady? Do you want to be?
“A little confession: I chose to review the appallingly-titled 23 Acez sophomore effort in a bout of vindictive malice after grappling with a particularly hateful Spanish literature essay. I was pissed off and envisaged venting on a poor rock band just trying to make their way in the world.” We hate, because we care. Not about you, but other important stuff.
“Belgium’s Emptiness are a band that I’ve not paid enough attention to. Sharing their bassist and guitarist with black metal stalwarts Enthroned (who also released an album this year that you might have missed…), and their drummer with Pro-Pain, Emptiness certainly have plenty of experience in their ranks, but given that I’ve never been particularly enamored with either of those bands, I didn’t feel a great urge to seek out Emptiness’ releases. But this year, after reading nothing but the praise for Nothing but the Whole and falling in love with the distinctive, creepy album cover, I decided to give the band a chance. This was an entirely excellent decision.” We make good decisions, so you can have good consumer knowledge.
“In the year and some change that I’ve been writing for Angry Metal Guy, I’ve learned some very valuable lessons. Constant usage of the words “samey,” “juxtaposition,” and “swagger” will get you the Eternal Stinkeye. “Corsetcore” is not a real subgenre. We do not mention Jørn Lande He Who Shall Not Be Named around these parts for fear of his arrival, Dio cover songs in tow. But most importantly, you don’t finalize your Top Ten(ish) list in the month of November because a band can (and will) mess that shit up on you.” Grymm is learning while the black metal’s burning.
