“Back in 2007, I ran across the Myspace page of a band called Mystic Prophecy. My fire for trve heavy metal was still in its incipient stage at the time—a time that saw Manowar, Iron Maiden, and Iced Earth as my favorite bands—so when I heard “Demon’s Blood” and its immense bottom-end power metal attack on that soon-to-be-obsolete social media platform, I was giddy.” MySpace prophecies.
“Now we can get down to brass tacks, which in the case of War Dogs is a tasty combination of old Iron Maiden, Manilla Road, and maybe a hint of Visigoth.” Dogs with swords.
“The more wizened experienced writers on staff say it’s best never to go back and read your early reviews. This is the first occasion I have had to really ponder the wisdom in these words. Unreqvited’s Mosaic I: Mosaic I: L’amour et l’ardeur was just the third n00b review I penned for these venerable pages and it is the first band I am reviewing here for a second time.” Shark teeth and time.
“Another year has passed us by. As 2019 drifts to memory, I contemplate all the love the AMG community has shown me, a now somewhat less maligned contributor to a respected forum of metal journalism, feeling the love, feeling the camaraderie, feeling the–oh shit, there’s a review due this week?” Better get to it before the Task Monkey gets to you.
Truth be told, there’s a decent chance that I wouldn’t be here writing within these hallowed halls without Brothers of Metal. You see, back in 2017 I was a mere lurker at AMG, and might have been content to continue in that capacity if I hadn’t seen a commenter recommending Prophecy of Ragnarök, the debut from the aforementioned Swedes. I checked it out and fell so hard for its sometimes hilarious, sometimes deadly serious take on Norse-mythologized folky power metal that I felt compelled to create a Disqus account just so I could express my thanks to the recommender.” Brother hugger.
“Hysterical bravely sets about to chronicle the worst of nu-metal’s many issues and combine them into a nugget so devoid of anything enjoyable it almost wraps back round to depressive suicidal black metal. Just without the black metal.” 2020 right now.
“Only in existence since 2018, the one-man black and death metal project has, so far this year alone, dropped three EPs, two compilations and a debut album, May’s We Haunt Ourselves. And now we come to December and Witchbones’ second album, ,i>The Seas of Draugen. This is not blackened death as you picture it in your head. Unless, that is, you are familiar with the type of records that Iron Bonehead tends to put out.” Roll the bones.
“Ledge is not a clever band and All I Hope For is not a clever album. Nuance and erudition have no place in this music, and there’s no shame in that; whom among us does not count lunkheaded and reductionist music among their passions? Whether it’s deathcore, slam, war metal, stoner rock, or today’s subject (lurching hardcore), most metalheads have a weakness for dumb fun of some variety. We want something stupid and heavy to complement our drinking, gym routine, vegetable chopping, etc.” Heavy shit, brah!
“Pretend with me, for a second, that there is no god. If there wasn’t a god (or gods, for that matter), what an odd, peaceful existence mankind might have had. Think about the centuries of avoided wars and the countless lives spared. What if there were no bibles, no churches, no Jesus, no Virgin Mary, no resurrection, and no afterlife? What if everybody accepted death as an absolute end and lived every day to the fullest? Damn near every war fought has involved religion or a culture’s lack of understanding for another. So don’t tell me there isn’t a god. He’s real alright.” Lords of light.
“What if I told you your holiday next year could be the most epic, unholy metal holiday you’ve ever experienced?” Event planning for maniacs.
