Record reviews
“You know, you can say what you want about female fronted symphonic metal like Nightwish, Within Temptation and Leaves’ Eyes, but they have (or had) some terrific vocalists. Tarja, Sharon van Adel, Simone Simons of Epica, the list goes on. In plenty of cases the music may be tepid and derivative, but at least those golden throats are there to put salve on the wounds and distract from the musical mediocrity.” Throwing shade.
“Creativity is a fickle beast. On bright days ensconced in melodious excellence, these words bound forth like an ever-flowing stream. Others? A wall of emptiness and muted cinder blocks mortared upon dark grey concrete. We yearn for the music that evokes the former but Liber Null, unfortunately, does not. So here I sit, swilling my scotch, wondering how to convey just what about I – The Serpent fails to strike me.” Drinking scotchy scotch scotch on the job, eh? We approve.
“It’s not often that AMG Himself and I get into an online kerfluffle about a review. See, I do my best to grab promos from bands I’ve never heard of, hoping that my curiosity turns me on to some great music. For the most part, it succeeds. But there comes a time when Señor AMG gets a taste of a band you’re reviewing and goes completely ga-ga over it.” When AMG attacks.
“Here’s a sage piece of life advice you can have for free: always carefully check what you’ve typed into your Google search bar before hitting ‘enter.’ I recently fell foul of this little rule while researching ‘depressive suicidal black metal’ (or ‘DSBM’) for the purposes of writing this review. Unless you’re feeling particularly brave, you’ll just have to take my word for it that while DSBM and BDSM might look similar, they are definitely not the same thing. I learned this the hard way.” Are we still doing phrasing?
“After years of meandering through the comments section as your friendly neighborhood bone-saw (and before as another beloved reader), I’ve had the pleasure of sparing with many of you, upsetting the tight-ass AMG HR department, and making fun of Diabolus for his bad taste in music. Somewhere in the last couple years, one of you recommended Root to me and forever changed my life.” Report to HR to get your life re-changed.
“The San Francisco music scene is nothing if not creative. With oddball acts like Hammers of Misfortune, Vhöl and Slough Feg calling the area home, creativity is in abundant supply. Worm Ouroboros is yet another off-kilter act providing local color to the Bay Area, lesser known but no less interesting. The brain-trust of Lorraine Rath and Jessica Way, the band’s unique blend of dark ambient goth-rock, doom and neo-folk is as interesting as it is offbeat.” Bay Area goth-waves are rising.
“Metal fans collect sub-genres like Barbie dolls: in a huge assortment of flavors, often mildly disturbing, and most pleasant when pulled apart and recombined. It’s almost strange when a band plays a sub-genre straight and usually we cover up our embarrassment by transforming ‘death metal’ into something like ‘old school Swedish death metal.’ Luckily, I have no such problems, because Krepitus play one of the more prevalent genre combos: death thrash.” Mix n’ thrash.
“35 years into their career, Metallica’s music is so ingrained in heavy metal’s DNA that writing about it objectively is almost impossible. Their albums were among the first I ever owned, and they were the first live show I ever saw (with Suicidal Tendencies and original-lineup Danzig opening!). In recent decades, I’ve cringed alongside the rest of you at the band’s various missteps, and rooted for them as they slowly reclaimed bits of their 1980s glory.” The frayed ends of Hardwired.
“With Christmas just around the corner, it gives me wry amusement that Bethlehem are about to unleash their latest slab of blackened thrash on the unsuspecting masses. Tis the season and Bethlehem are in a very giving kind of mood!” Grim yule tidings.
“From the brutally vintage cover, you’d be entirely justified expecting Speed and Violence to be a homage to the glory days of Exciter, being as they shamelessly appropriated the cover dynamic of their first album and riffed on the title of their second and best known platter (Violence and Force). While you’d be 110% right about the 80s throwback style Ranger wallows in, you’d be wrong about the chief influence.” It ain’t easy, being speedy.
