Record reviews
“Reaching the fourth decade of living can be a somewhat stressing time in anyone’s life. Yourself, friends and family start to be affected by an almost insurmountable amount of maladies of body and mind. One may be what could only be defined as chronic musical disappointment.” Will a throwback black metal act trigger the symptoms?
“China’s Tengger Cavalry are a rather prolific bunch, aren’t they? With five full-length albums in as many years, these Mongolian folk metallers have been making waves over the last few years, even going as far as opening for Turisas when the latter hit Beijing a couple years back. With their profile expanding and people catching wind of their majestic blend of exotic shaman folk music and melodic death metal, they did what any self-respecting up-and-coming band should do: they re-recorded their 2010 debut.” Is it ok to re-record mega obscure albums no one ever heard? we report, you ponder.
“As spring finally gives way to summer, it’s the perfect time to receive the latest dose of folksy hijinks and madcappery from the festive Finnish institution known as Korpiklaani. Noita is yet another chipper, high spirited outing by these drunken woodsmen, offering nothing new while clinging tenaciously to the buttocks of the last several albums.” The dancing forest rangers are back to play you the song of their people and drink you under the oaken table.
“Pizza is a sacred thing. When it’s good, it’s damn good. When it sucks, it’s an affront to humanity. An atrocity on a level with the Biafran revolt, just about every Adam Sandler movie, some genocides, and Illud Divinum Insanus. If you’ve read more than one of my reviews here on AMG you will know that I often equate music to food, not just because it is an analogy I think most people relate to, but I love these two things more than even my family members who aren’t reading this right now. The Seventh Life Path may not be my pie of choice, but during my tenure as a music critic, I’ve heard enough from the formative years on to be able to approach an album with at least relative objectivity.” In food, as in music, too much sugar wrecks the palate.
“After a few decades in the music industry, Chris Barnes may have his share of enemies, but none can cause the mammoth career damage he regularly inflicts on himself. After what seems like a lifetime of sub par and outright terrible releases from his Six Feet Under project, he finally stumbled onto something decent with 2013s Unborn. Sure, it was still rudimentary, groove-heavy Neanderthal death, but the writing and playing was a big step forward and for once, things didn’t feel like a parody of the genre.” Cup thy hands and shout at the devil.
“What a quizzical title. Are we black-magicking people to extinction? Are we performing witchcraft with those species already extinct? Are we fondling the Raphus cucullatus in our quasi-orgasmic reverence and spell utterance? Only Xul knows.” More blackened death. Is that too much blackened death?
“Undead are the next logical step in “unknown” bands. Undead throw us a small curveball by not referring to any member as anything, not revealing their location, and generally keeping tight-lipped about everything online.” Mystery is in the air and it smells like…death.
“Since the dawn of man, humans have tried to prove or disprove the existence of a higher power. Believers have cited the beauty of nature and the intricacy of the human body as evidence, while the skeptics can point to tragedies like cancer-stricken children and the Holocaust to make their case. My personal moment of truth hits a little closer to home: Coal Chamber have reunited, and I am reviewing their new album Rivals. There is definitely no god.” Read along as a crisis of faith afflicts the AMG staff.
“The Grymm Grab Bag© can be quite the two-sided beast of a backpack when utilized. For every moment when I pull out a gem by a promising band, I get two or three that end up closer to this. Forever undaunted (or just plain stupid), I once again reach into the bag of unknown-to-me goodies hoping to not get struck like that poor sap in Flash Gordon, and I am presented with The Comfort of Loss & Dust, the third album by London’s Cold in Berlin.” Reach into the bag of mystery and squeeze!
“Hailing from Chicago and proclaiming to be the purveyors of “martial black metal,” Kommandant don their Sunday best (consisting of black dress shirts and gas masks), raise banners and wind-torn blackened flags of time-honored propaganda, and set the rhythmic march to the local courthouse. Good thing I’m in no short supply of black button-ups.” Gas masks are very versatile from a fashion perspective.
