“Brewing a good cup of nostalgia is a delicate art. Being merely reminded of something—akin to South Park’s “Memberberries”—is fleeting and while the first sip is fine, the rest of the cup proves to be bland or even distasteful. The quality mixed with the aesthetic is what makes nostalgic stuff satisfying. It’s not enough to make a game that looks like Contra if it doesn’t play like Contra or perhaps even better.” Speed re-kills.
“Exhorder have returned. And they’ve brought their mucky, Southern-tinged thrash with them on Mourn the Southern Skies. And, after a twenty-seven-fucking-year absence, they’re still angry and they still don’t give a fuck.” Vatican on lockdown.
“Nothing in this world is as good as blackened thrash metal. In the book of Z, it is the pinnacle of not just metal, but music in general. While Australian acts like Gospel of the Horns and the fukkin almighty Deströyer 666 do it best, that doesn’t mean the rest of the world has nothing to offer. Finland’s Urn are one such band who have been reliable in keeping my head banging over the years, even if their straightforward take on blackened thrash was never enough to bring them to the big leagues.” Boo-Urn?
“It’s Monday. 8:24 A.M. I pull my Toyota into the Magazine Street parking garage, fifth floor, the only spot in the shade that still has cell phone reception. Aura Noir’s Out to Die is blasting on the stereo. I pay the parking fee on my mobile app and sigh as I prepare myself for another day at the office. And then, I stop. What if I don’t go in? I think to myself. What if I just turn the car back on and drive away? What if I forget my job and spend the rest of the summer guzzling booze, getting hairy, and banging my fukkin head for the Master in Hell? It seems radical, but a group of people have actually done it.” Down with adulthood!
“Finland is not a country I identify with violent crime. High rates of alcoholism, maybe, and depression due to long Winter nights, maybe. But it’s regarded as one of the safest countries in the world otherwise, with high standards of education, healthcare and equality. This, apparently, does not translate to Lahti, the hometown of Sadokist.” Too much horror business.
“What is a ‘wizard rifle,’ exactly? It is a rifle that shoots magic missiles? Perhaps a rifle that spawns wizards propelled to impossible velocities (which does not bode well for said wizards, I suppose)? Maybe it’s something simpler, like a rifle made specifically for wizards that stores itself magically inside their hats. Or it could be something more complex, such as a rifle whose first shot pops out a smaller wizard who holds his/her/their own miniaturized wizard rifle, and so on.” Spell spewing.
“Greek thrashers Domination Inc. (minus the “Inc.” back then) released their debut Infants of Thrash. Take one look at the band’s name, and it shouldn’t surprise you that Infants sounds a cowboys from hell of a lot like Pantera. Fast forward four years and sophomore effort Memoir 414 finds the band wanting to “slightly move away from our initial old-school sound” and hoping that it will sound “heavier and more modern.”” Vulgar display of diary entries.
“Deströyer 666 and Hellripper opened my eyes to the sheer energy and surprising hooks which can be present when linked with black metal, while the likes of early Slayer overlapped with an old favorite in classic metal. I saw more clearly the interconnected map of styles in the ’80s and was lured in with the treats of genres with which I was better accustomed. The prospect of a new blackened thrash release in the promo bin was therefore exciting and so it was that I turned to New Jersey’s Anticosm and their third full-length entitled The Call of the Void.” Jersey boys in the void.
“I may be a big ol’ dork for it, but I fucking love karaoke. The local rock bar has organized a few Heavy Karaoke nights, where the list includes the likes of Amon Amarth and Bloodbath alongside the usual Bonnie Tyler and Aerosmith. There’s something about getting on a tiny stage and growling your best rendition of ‘Twilight of the Thunder God’ in front of an audience too drunk to care about the quality of your voice, and loudly applauding a shy and visibly shaken girl for a surprisingly good Nightwish performance is downright wholesome. That does not, however, mean I want to be reminded of karaoke when I listen to an album.” Destiny derailed.
“I think I’m finally coming around on this whole death metal thing. The gore and violence subject matter of the genre has been difficult for me to get used to. I started my life as a religious prude and possess a Constitution ability score that has me literally passing out whenever I give blood, so I’ve never gotten into horror films or their musical equivalents. Add to that the fact that I’ve responded to three “hammer smashed faces” in my relatively short EMT career, and the novelty of songs with such titles is somewhat lost on me.” A metalhead with a split personality. Chopping spree.
