“I listen to fast music; the rage-inflicted murder beast that lurks in my soul is never fussier than when stuck behind some jamoke doing 25 mph. Consequently, picking up Weltesser was a bit of a gamble, as doom has never been my speed. The right groove can rev my engine, but idle too long and I’ll go right to Sleep.” Doom to improve.
“Those who know me will tell you that Steel Druhm is a man of refined tastes. As such, I don’t always listen to cult underground doom, but when I do, I like it the same way I like my chili – extra meaty and full of crippling regret. Obscure Chilean doom purveyors, Condenados have their own homestyle recipe they’d love to share and on their second album, The Tree of Death they’re looking to serve it to a wider audience.” Ent no thing.
“When faced with a work of art that purports to be avant-garde, invariably a question must be asked: is the all-but-total abandonment of classical song structure and melody a hallmark of innovation and a refutation of the musical establishment or is it merely the flotsam-and-jetsam of musicians lacking the skills to write a decent song in the first place?” Challenging.
“Before I write this review, let me educate the non-American readers of this fine website about the amazing about-face that happens this time of year. Just one day before I finalized this review, our nation celebrated Thanksgiving, a day where we all sit around the table, eat turkey, unsuccessfully avoid all conversations about politics, and above all give thanks for what we have. I mention this because 24 hours later, a phenomenon known as Black Friday began. A day where all promises of thanks and gratefulness are dashed.” Fight for that discount waffle maker!
“You know, you can say what you want about female fronted symphonic metal like Nightwish, Within Temptation and Leaves’ Eyes, but they have (or had) some terrific vocalists. Tarja, Sharon van Adel, Simone Simons of Epica, the list goes on. In plenty of cases the music may be tepid and derivative, but at least those golden throats are there to put salve on the wounds and distract from the musical mediocrity.” Throwing shade.
“Trying to think of a catchy way to start a review when there’s very little information available on the band concerned, most of what is out there is in a foreign language and the record in question isn’t actually very good can be tough. In an ideal world, I probably ought to power through irrespective, taking plenty of time in order to come up with something snappy. Well, in an ideal world I’d also be married to Emilia Clarke, so what can I say?” Get the lede out!
“To paraphrase the immortal Hansi Kursch: “time, what is time? — it does not heal, but it lets us forget.” Ukrainian power-metallers Defiant seemingly agree, with the concept rampant on their sophomore release Time Isn’t Healing. It would appear, around the AMG water cooler, at any rate, that power metal continues to be one of the most divisive components of heavy metal.” That water cooler is actually filled with cheap bourbon.
“I don’t know what the hell is going on in Finland these days. Late last year the quirky northerners gave us a band by the name of Speedtrap, a proto-thrash garage band who put out a messy but fun album, Straight Shooter. Now we get Initiated, another garage band naturally featuring Speedtrap’s guitarist on the lead axe (I don’t know if there are enough people in Finland for bands to not share members), for a less thrashy but no less messy record, World on Fire.” Raw power or raw chowder?
“Soulburn, despite the lack of output over the last two decades, possesses quite the rich history. Starting off as the successor to death/doom overlords Asphyx in 1996 before they returned in 2010, drummer Bob Bagchus adopted the Soulburn name again in 2013 in a project featuring fellow Asphyx member Eric Daniels and Swedish one-man death-metal factory, Rogga Johansson.” No Rogga, no peace!
“A few years back I had the pleasure of seeing Kamelot live at the only venue in my home state that hosts good metal concerts. It was a brilliant show, with the audience belting every lyric while the band granted us an unanticipated level of interactivity, yet one man I met in the crowd remained nonplussed. Forget one of America’s best power metal bands; this guy was excited as all fuck to catch second-rate supporting act Delain.” Taste is a terrible thing to taste.
