“There’s something to be said for toiling away at your craft for a long period of time, sacrificing goats and virgins your time, energy, and the relationships in your life in order to hit that Holy Grail of recognition and notoriety. Regardless of the degree of success, you can’t deny that a bit of respect is to be had for those who refuse to quit.” Then again, a little self-insight never hurt anybody…
“The most difficult part of this reviewing game are the albums so pedestrian, so utterly devoid of character that writing about them is nearly impossible. Upon listening to Buried in Violence, a black butt of despondency gathered over me, and my thesaurus quaked with excitement as I reached towards it, opened it, and leafed about in search of any possible way to express the album’s nature other than the one you’re about to read. Alas, Roget could see only so far into the future, and my search was fruitless.” Oh, now that’s a nail-biter!
“Like good whiskey, good old school death metal ages well. Like poor whiskey, the new wave of old school death metal sometimes produces things that purport to be in similar quality to the well-aged stuff, but are just cheap swill in an old looking package. Nobody can try everything, and to attempt it would mean being drunk all the time and only listening to OSDM releases, many of which are probably lacking anyway.” We only keep swill and rotgut at the AMG offices.
“I chose Shotgun Justice randomly without knowing anything about them or their sound, the only connection being they shared their moniker with one of my favorite thrash metal albums (see the Razor retrospective Druhm and I shat out in 2014). Do these Krauts live up to that thrashtastic standard?” Standards are made to be broken.
“Death metal, at least in its most modernistic and stereotypical actualization, largely eschews the cerebral in favor of the visceral, crafting violent soundscapes that reinforce instead of juxtapose the narratives of disfigurement, annihilation, and warfare that accompany the music. And…cut.” Fancy words from a pretentious man.
“We’ve come a long way from “No Core No Mosh No Trends No Fun” haven’t we? Straying incredibly far from Euronymous’ proposed attitude for black metal, we now have a record from Root guitarist Blackosh’s eponymous solo project about three things that I like: Whores, Booze & Black Metal. Combining good things doesn’t always work though; have you ever made a steak, scotch, and hamburger shake? I haven’t either, but it would probably be repulsive.” But this has whores!
“Yes, folks, there’s a band called Housebreaking, and their second full-length, Against All Odds, is here, and is promoted as a cross between Amon Amarth, Rammstein, Dark Tranquillity, and… Soulfly?” If they pull off that epic mix, you may need to put some newspapers down.
“I imagine the band spreading their metaphorical buttcheeks to draw in the atmosphere of first-wave acts like Hellhammer and early Bathory, letting it fester in their intestines long enough to give it their own unique stench.” It must be Enema Thursday!
“If you’re reading this site, then I’m sure you’re aware that Slayer has been through a couple of changes in recent years. At the moment, only vocalist/bassist Tom Araya and guitarist Kerry King remain from the band’s original lineup, augmented by returning drummer Paul Bostaph and touring guitarist Gary Holt (Exodus).” The Kerry King Road Show pulls into town and they have Jägermeister.
“Not that the plethora of throwback retro-thrash bands wasn’t evidence enough, but the 80’s happened. Fashion was horrendous and hairstyles were worse. Nintendo had kids blowing into their cartridges the world over. And on MTV, for every Iron Maiden and Metallica video that was played, there was a gaggle of hair bands saturating the airwaves to the point of ozone layer depletion from all that Aqua Net used. White Lion was one of those bands, enjoying success after success until Kurt Cobain came along and ruined everything for them.” Let’s see hands from all the little fighters in the hall!
