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Helstar – The Wicked Nest Review

By Steel Druhm on April 29, 2014 in 2014, AFM Records, American Metal, Heavy Metal, Reviews, Thrash Metal, Heavy Metal, 7 comments

“Helstar is a band I’ve always held close to my metal heart. I grew up with them and their early albums were always big favorites. Their Burning Star debut was a classic slice of early American metal and featured the godly “Run With the Pack,” which I slotted in at #8 of my best metal songs of all time. Follow-ups Remnants of War and Distant Thunder were pure, balls to the walls, classic metal with attitude, and 1989s Nosferatu introduced a more thrashy, yet neo-classical style that hit hard and left a lasting impression.” Can the 2014 Helstar still wow Steel the Fanboy?

Sonata Arctica – Pariah’s Child Review

By Angry Metal Guy on April 12, 2014 in 2014, Finnish Metal, Nuclear Blast, Power Metal, Progressive Metal, Reviews, Melodic Metal, Power Metal, Progressive Metal, 39 comments

“A strange thing happened somewhere between Sonata Arctica’s 2012 release Stones Grow Her Name and 2014’s Pariah’s Child: Tony Kakko found his wolf shirt and his copy of Ecliptica. Neither of these things were to be expected. Since 2007’s much-maligned Unia, these Finnish masters o’ cheesemetal have been popping out records that are hard to tie back to the band’s original incarnation.” Ain’t nothing as good as record with a great picture of a wolf on it.

Gamma Ray – Empire of the Undead Review

By Steel Druhm on April 1, 2014 in 2014, EarMusic records, German Metal, Heavy Metal, Power Metal, Reviews, Heavy Metal, Power Metal, 28 comments

“Wow, these guys have been around forever! Empire of the Undead is Gamma Ray’s eleventh freaking album, and we get it despite the fact their recording studio burned down and everything was lost, except the masters for this baby. So what do you get from a band so beloved and long in the tooth?” After so many albums, what are you expecting? Steel Druhm expects you to read this.

Pilgrim – II: Void Worship Review

By Steel Druhm on March 30, 2014 in 2014, American Metal, Doom Metal, Metal Blade, Reviews, Doom Metal, 4 comments

“When last we checked in on Pilgrim, they were really fucking slow! Even by doom standards, these guys were the car in the right lane with flashers on and a “Wide Load” sign on the bumper. That’s because they specialize in unflinchingly minimalist, old school Sabbath riffs slowed down to a root’s pace, lightly seasoned with a hint of psychedelic fairy dust. Their Misery Wizard debut was heavily influenced by Reverend Bizarre and Cathedral and weighed down with insanely long, drawn out doom yarns so heavy, they made you feel like a Buick was parked on your chest. This presented an arduous test to one’s attention span, despite the overall quality of the riffs and writing.” Ready for some doom that’s slower than your grandma? Quick, it’s very slowly getting away!

Pet Slimmers of the Year – Fragments of Uniforms Review

By Madam X on March 29, 2014 in 2014, Candlelight, English Metal, Non-Metal Metal Things, Not Metal, Post-Rock, Reviews, Post-Metal, 3 comments

“So the Process Church of the Final Judgement wasn’t really your thing? Don’t slit your wrists over it, cults aren’t for everybody. Candlelight Records recently took a walk on the wild side adding a band that doesn’t run with their usual black metal or even their melodic death metal circles. Their band name is absurd, meaningless and annoying to the point where Nothing actually may be the better option, and to say that it had me tearing my hair out in chunks is an understatement. Pet Slimmers of the Year… Have you tried to Google this? No dammit, I’m not putting my feline on a diet, round is a shape too!” Yep, that’s the worst band name of all time. But, is the music any good? Madam X has opinions.

Sabbath Assembly – Quaternity Review

By Steel Druhm on March 26, 2014 in 2014, American Metal, Avante Garde, Gothic Metal, Progressive Metal, Reviews, Svart Records, Progressive Metal, 9 comments

“In the mood for something really different? Sabbath Assembly certainly qualifies. As explained in my review of their Ye Are Gods opus, this is a bizarre project based on the teachings of the mega-obscure Process Church of the Final Judgment; a strange apocalyptic hippie cult from the 60s that believed in a union of Christ and Satan that triggers armageddon. Led by Jamie Myers (Hammers of Misfortune, Wolves in the Throne Room) and Dave “Xtian” Nuss (ex-Angkor Wat), they craft an unusual hybrid of 60s hippie folk rock and religious hymnal music.” Need religion in your life? Feel the urge to join a Satanic cult? Here’s the one album that meets all your needs! Now with added scripture reading.

Aurora Borealis – World Shapers Review

By Madam X on March 15, 2014 in 2014, American Metal, Black Metal, Death Metal, MDD Records, Melodic Death Metal, Reviews, Death Metal, Melodic Death Metal, 4 comments

“From palpable obscurity, tumultuous streams of glory gushed, ten thousand thousand rainbows rushed and reveled through the boundless sky, in jousting, flashing radiancy.” That was David Vedder’s description the Aurora Borealis back around the 1800s, and today it remains a fitting description of these Maryland-based blackened death metallers that deliver a brand of bludgeoning melodicism reminiscent of Carcass and Morbid Angel.” Madam X shakes off the oppressive yoke of black metal to review…blackened death metal. No wonder she’s so dark of demeanor!

Human Cull – Stillborn Nation Review

By Kronos on March 5, 2014 in 2014, Crust Punk, English Metal, Grind, Hardcore, Reviews, WOOAAARGH, Crust Punk, Grind, 1 comment

“Band names are difficult to decide on, which is why so many of them are overwrought (Cryptopsy), ridiculous (Gorguts), deliberately self-effacing (literally any local hardcore band) or a combination of the aforementioned (The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza). No matter how terrible or fantastic a band is, their name can have a huge effect on what you think of them. Enter Eexeter’s Human Cull, a band whose sobriquet is so fantastically violent and straightforward that it could only signal one thing: really good grind.” Good grind is hard to find. Ask anybody.

Shroud of the Heretic – Revelations in Alchemy Review

By Grymm on March 3, 2014 in 2014, American Metal, Blood Harvest Records, Death Metal, Doom Metal, Reviews, Death Metal, Doom Metal, 1 comment

“”This band would absolutely crush live.” That’s pretty much what was running through my head constantly throughout the entirety of Revelations in Alchemy, the debut full-length from Portland, Oregon’s Shroud of the Heretic. Those scenic, picturesque sounds brought forth by fellow Portlandians Agalloch and Wolves in the Throne Room are nowhere to be found here. Instead of beauty and introspection, you get a sludgy, slimy atmosphere that will prove hard to wash off, even after repeated listens. The problem is, will you return for those repeated splashings?” Slimy sludge splashings are always hard to refuse. But should you pass on this particular muck?

Miracle Master – Tattooed Woman Review

By Madam X on February 28, 2014 in 2014, German Metal, GoldenCore Records, Heavy Metal, Non-Metal Metal Things, Reviews, ZYX Music, Hard Rock, 3 comments

“Hot on the heels of Steel Druhm’s review of Crematory’s Antiserum and sticking with zee Germans, we have Miracle Master’s Tattooed Woman, which delivers an unhealthily large dose of Dio worship, a smattering of modern American hard rockers Shinedown and the growlings of Monster Magnet.” Madam X loves her catchy hard rock, but can she make it through a whole review without Jorn nuthugging? Take your bets now!