“Hey, you! Yeah, that’s right, I know you and your ilk, only scurrying out of your hatch for a new record if the music is heavier than a dying panda reading Sartre and the album is only available in limited release as sheet music stapled to the bathroom door in an abandoned hospital. Well, you better slink back to your cobweb-ridden hovel as Life-Related Symptoms by Anewrage is none of those things.” Time to appreciate the gentler things in life.
“Today I shall be reviewing Motherless, the third album by the Swedish Trial. They are unfortunately unrelated to the sadly-defunct but happily-reincarnated, Chicago-based thrash outfit Trials. Upon consideration, I’ve come to regard Motherless as an album which my superiors will detest.” The rabble are roused.
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I really don’t need originality in my music. Take last month’s Necroblood album. Though it hardly did anything groundbreaking, that record gave me all the Satan, blastbeats, and atom-bomb riffing I could ask for.” Can Possession provide maximum Satan?
“Scant information about Horte can be found online. Presumably Finnish but definitely human, Horte perform a difficult-to-define noise-ridden electronica-infested female-fronted bass-led fuzz-rock that combines both dreamy beauty and startling harshness. Horte, their debut release, is essentially one long song that flows from minute zero to minute 38 with an organic continuity.” GMO-free avant-rock ripe for the picking.
“Reflection are clearly major fans of Sabaton, however, while it’s not quite a mirror copy of the Swedes, these Greeks have definitely cast Bleed Babylon Bleed from the same mold. But is this an epic fail or can they seize victory on the battlefield?” Souvlakaton.
“I make it a point to never judge a band by the musical contributions of its members. Case in point: Azarath. This Polish death metal behemoth boasts in its ranks Inferno from, well, Behemoth. As such, I know that many people are going to draw comparisons between this act and Poland’s favorite Satanic sons. Doing so shortchanges Azarath’s five vicious full-lengths and their own standing among Poland’s influential scene.” Poland Springs…evil.
“Twenty-seventeen is turning out to be the year of thrash. On top of Kreator and Overkill, there’re new releases from Havok, Warbringer, Power Trip and, later this year, War Curse and Reign of Fury. In between all that, we also get a contribution from Australia’s own Harlott.” Thrash now comes with an extra “T” for added toughness.
“When bands list their influences publicly, I’m apt to cross at least a few of those names off a list of potential name-drops. Whether or not those tributaries contributed to the intellectual process of music-making is irrelevant. Many bands resemble their idols only with a squint and a head-tilt. Yet The Crawling’s list of Bolt Thrower, Entombed, My Dying Bride, and Novembre reads like a playbill., each entry more accurate than next.” A night at the chopra.
“Initially, this review was going to begin with a nutshell description of the current black metal scene. I had a few ideas: how the style is split into two methods of composition (instant gratification versus slow burning atmosphere), how the line between traditional and post-black metal is slowly being blurred, and so on. As I repeatedly drafted and deleted my intro, however, I began to realize that the state of the genre is far too multi-faceted to describe in terms of duality. Besides, you’re smart enough to read AMG, so you would have instantly seen through my half-baked thesis.” Discerning readers demand flawless scholarship.
“Impressive Atlanta rockers Royal Thunder have proven their credentials in the modern rock scene on the back of a couple of solid EP’s and great albums. Debut LP CVI blindsided me with its explosive rock hooks, dynamic songwriting, and bluesy southern swagger, flooring me in such a way that I admit to being apprehensive when they returned with sophomore album Crooked Doors in 2015.” Kingly hard rock for the unwashed masses.
