“Every few years, Grand Magus ride out from the snowy wilds of Sweden to wave the flag of epic heavy metal and crusade for genre supremacy. Over the years their sound has shifted from a doom-centric approach to one increasingly informed by the likes of Manowar and Visigoth, and on their ninth album, Wolf God, they find themselves repeating familiar refrains and similar ideas to those heard on recent outings.” Of wolf and meh.
“As I’m typing this, I’m staring out the window at a dead tree across the street. It may be past the start of spring, but much like a stereotypical black metal cover, cold dominates the sky and spring seems to have missed the memo. It’s perfect for some depressing tunes, and Mist of Misery’s fusion of symphonic black metal and depressive suicidal black metal fits the bill.” Winter is still here.
“Almost three years ago, as a probationary noob, I was tasked to review the bloated, brickwalled behemoth that was Allegaeon’s Proponent for Sentience. I argued that taken as a whole, the 72-minute album was beyond overwritten and overwrought even before the utterly crushed production ruined what was left. It turned out to be my least popular opinion since I argued in high school that metal bands without growls or screams were still metal (that actually happened.)” Bruise the messenger.
“As Dr. Fisting and I sat on the floor outside the washroom at Angry Metal Guy Headquarters, quaffing the last of the Christmas party hobo wine, we agreed that, while folks these days might consider Raketkanon and their shtick kind of weird, back in 1994 the band would have been comfortably on stage opening for Faith No More. Their bizarre accouterments, kitschy stage shows, and (what seems to be, although I could be wrong) nonsensical lyrical dialect would be right at home in an Angel Dust–King for a Day, Fool for a Lifetime era. That works for me: I love Faith No More, and more than that, I love bands that push the envelope and are willing to go on unexpected forays, even within single songs.” Freaks with a flag (and record deal)
“Pure originality is overrated. I mean, yeah, it’s nice when something newfangled pops up and smacks you in the kisser. However, I would much rather see an already existent construct improved upon, re-imagined or perfected in some way. I don’t care if it takes three iterations or four trillion, five-hundred billion, three-hundred-forty-seven million, twenty-thousand-and-two iterations to get there.” If it ain’t broke, improve it!
“Contrary to popular belief, many of us writers here at Angry Metal Guy Institute haven’t been exposed to every band a genre offers. Whether that’s due to time constraints, the ol’ chestnut of “I’ll get around to checking them out eventually” and then forgetting to check them out eventually, or just the simple fact that you haven’t heard of them, many bands honestly fly under our radar. That’s just a fact of life. In this instance, I hadn’t heard a note of Germany’s black metal quartet Darkened Nocturn Slaughtercult until guitarist/frontwoman Onielar took over the coveted mic for fellow German legends Bethlehem in 2016 on their self-titled album.” Scary friends of creepy acquaintances.
“What is an Inculter? Is it the person sitting behind the registration table at your local religious cult convention? You know, the one who greets you, helps you select the appropriate cult, provides the correct forms for you to fill out, and introduces you to the last family you’ll ever have? Or could it be that all-important person involved in the metal production process who is directly responsible for injecting the proper amount of cvltness into the music?” The cult of fatality.
“Back in the olde days, if a band took two years between releases they were considered to be “on sabbatical.” Nowadays, if a band puts out an album faster than every two years, we wonder why they’re rushing things. An album a year used to be the rule, and that’s a rule that Cracked Machine seem to be adhering to early in their career. The Call of the Void comes hot on the heels of the Wiltshire quartet’s 2018 debut, I, Cosmonaut. Maybe it’s easier to write post-rock songs with psychedelic overtones, or maybe these fellows just have a lot of ideas swimming around in their heads.” Grinders.
“Attending a concert with an exceedingly small crowd has something bittersweet about it. On the one hand, you don’t have to deal with other people. On the other hand, audience dynamics are half of what makes concerts fun, and no one wishes minute attendance upon a band they like. I’ve seen Madder Mortem perform amongst less than 20 people, despite their lengthy career and overall high quality, which is just incomprehensible to me. It’s a little easier to understand in the case of today’s subject, Cities of Mars, who have only been at it for a few years, but my fiancée and I made up two-thirds of the crowd last time we saw them and I think we can all agree that’s a little bit fucked up.” Unmanned shows and unpopulated planets.
“If any band are poised to make a comeback, it’s Ketzer. Back in 2009 the German quintet burst onto the scene with their Satan’s Boundaries Unchained debut, which essentially sounded like the best album Desaster never wrote. I can hardly even mention Boundaries without wanting to blast it at ear-splitting volumes and to this day it remains one of my favorite blackened thrash albums of all time. Sadly, 2012’s Endzeit Metropolois was altogether weaker, while 2016’s Starless was an Illud Divinum Insanus-level atrocity that showed the group unsuccessfully attempt to rip off the goth rock style of Tribulation’s The Children of the Night.” Don’t call it a comeback.
