“when I receive a promo for a band (in this case, Italy’s Hierophant), and the one-sheet that accompanies their fourth album, Mass Graves, states rather emphatically, “No pink unicorns here,” and they still don’t supply us with a promo pic? Prepare for battle, son.” Doom death in the Age of Pink.
“Darkrypt was helpfully labelled as an Indian “dark death metal” band when I got the promo, which is great to know because I really thought a band named after a portmanteau of darkness and a dark underground tomb was going to be bright, poppy stuff in the vein of Carly Rae Jepsen.” I heard they’re doing a split.
“I haven’t reviewed death metal in a good long time, so I thought I’d get back on the dead horse with upstart Arizona act, Gatecreeper. For their Sonoran Depravation debut they’ve crafted a style mixing equal parts of the D-beat Swede-death style made famous by Entombed, the grit and dirge of Asphyx and the bastard war grind of Bolt Thrower. Sounds tempting, eh?” Tempted by the tank of another….
“The immense advertising campaign inadvertently carried out by certain English street signs notwithstanding, Dead End is a strange and largely uninspiring name for a death-doom band. A name like Paradise Lost brings to mind Milton’s epic poem about the Fall of Man, Katatonia suggests an inescapable numbness, and My Dying Bride evokes a mental horror show. Dead End, on the other hand, brings to mind seeing a sign that means I have to make a three-point turn before I reach the end of the road I’m driving on. I don’t exactly enjoy three-point turns, but they certainly don’t fill me with dread.” Fear the cvl-de-sac.
“I love seeing bands progress beyond their infant stages, taking their influences and branching out into worlds unknown. Germany’s Heaven Shall Burn are not one of those bands you think of when you picture the word “progress.” They’ve taken their signature sound from 2004’s landmark Antigone, refined their attack, and proceeded to beat us over the head with variations of their trademark brand of metalcore/death metal/whatever it is the cool kids are calling them these days.” AMG: Voice of the cool kids since 2009.
“They say old soldiers never die, they just fade away. But what about old crust punk bands? If Victims are any indication, they don’t die either – instead, they just charge right through their mid-life crisis in a fog of Skitsystem riffs and shattered beer bottles.” This smells like shitty beer and anarchy.
“For those new to Izegrim, it only takes a few descriptive words to describe these Dutch metallers. What if I described the vocalist as a blonde woman with raspy, deathy vox? What if I categorized their sound as melodeath with thrashy breakdowns? What if I described their mission as causing inner-ear damage and venue deconstruction?” I know what you’re thinking: NIGHTWISH!
![Predatoria – Unmarked Graves…Tell No Tales [Things You Might Have Missed 2015]](https://www.angrymetalguy.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Predatoria_Unmarked-Graves-768x768.jpg)
“If we apply the maxim of “I didn’t feel like drinking until I started drinking” to listening to metal bands you’ve never heard before, I firmly believe that this fertile ground is where plenty of our favourite records are born. When I first listened to Belgium’s Predatoria in an effort to acclimatize myself to my temporary home’s up-and-coming death metal bands, I had no idea that what they were selling was exactly what I was looking to buy but here we are.” Can we start drinking now?
“Well, 2015 is over and… it was terrible. But rather than bore you with the details, I’ll sum it up like so: rah, rah, rah, I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate everyone and just want to listen to Abstracter in an air-conditioned room while some guy in a Chester the Cheetah costume gives me a back massage. Fortunately, St. Louis black-sludge trio The Lion’s Daughter have produced the perfect soundtrack to my slacker misanthropy with their sophomore LP, Existence Is Horror.” Muppet Cheetah back rubs are overrated.
“So, does anyone besides me miss Bolt Thrower? I mean, sure we have all those classic albums, but where are the new tales of battles lost and won? Since it seems those tales may never be told, we should be grateful Just Before Dawn picked up the flame thrower and continued in the legendary tank treads left by those U.K. fiends.” Farewell to arms (and legs).
