“It is written that man greatly displeased his finicky but beneficent Creator, and thus did God come to curse Mankind with various and sundry plagues of pestilence, locusts, skinny jeans and metal super groups. Over time some of these curses have proven more tolerable than others, but I’ll take a good locust swarm over the typical half-baked, so-called super group.” Super groups may annoy, but Cain is certainly able.
“As spring finally gives way to summer, it’s the perfect time to receive the latest dose of folksy hijinks and madcappery from the festive Finnish institution known as Korpiklaani. Noita is yet another chipper, high spirited outing by these drunken woodsmen, offering nothing new while clinging tenaciously to the buttocks of the last several albums.” The dancing forest rangers are back to play you the song of their people and drink you under the oaken table.
“I felt some remorse back in 2013 that I didn’t make more effort to review Apocalyptica’s Wagnerian tribute (Wagner Reloaded), an album that’s seen me through many long flights between South Africa and New York. Along comes Shadowmaker, Apocalyptica now have a dedicated vocalist as Franky Perez (ex-Scars on Broadway) takes his spot in the limelight and I get a chance to make right.” These guys lasted way longer than you expected, didn’t they?
“Barren Earth may be the only band I ever forgive for not giving me an audition to be their vocalist. After it was announced that Mikko Kotamäki (Swallow the Sun) was leaving the band and that they were publicly searching for a singer, I screwed up my courage and dropped them an email with some songs. Being that I am “the standard by which all should be judged” (which is why I started a blog), I was duly shocked, dismayed and offended that they never even sent me a kind rejection letter.” Bitter and jilted, can Angry Metal Guy ever forgive this Finnish super group their taste in singers!?
“Doom. Doom is done right when the word is no longer a mere genre, but an onomatopoeic descriptor of what you are hearing. Suffice to say, Finland’s Oceanwake understands this.” Prepare to meet your new doom flavor of the week. Mmmm doom.
“Melodic folk metallers Frosttide crossed my path back in 2013 with their debut full-lengh. Now a mere two years later, the Finns are back tipping tables and generally upsetting the orderly offices we have here at AMG central.” Honestly, it wasn’t all that orderly to begin with.
“So, do you know anything about techno? What you’re about to read is a review of an album as far removed from metal as anything that ever appeared on Angry Metal Guy. There are only two, minor and farfetched at that, connections between Finland’s Tähtiportti and metal.” Admit it, you like techno. Bats and ants and bats and ants!
“I’m getting rather tired of raving about Chris Black and his many musical endeavors (Pharaoh, Dawnbringer, High Spirits, etc.). Not because they don’t deserve the praise, mind you. I’m just reaching the point where I feel and sound like a shameless fanboy, and Steel Druhm doesn’t like that. Not. One. Bit. Apparently, Mr. Black cares little for my critical dilemmas, as he’s now released another winning musical project where he’s joined by Jussi Lehtisalo and Tomi Leppanen of the strange Finnish act Circle.” Black + Circle = Spin this black circle!
“Post-metal had something of a heyday in the last decade, with seemingly everyone on the Internet gushing over Isis’ Panopticon, Neurosis’ Given to the Rising, and whatever Cult of Luna and Pelican were up to. While there’s still quality post-metal coming out today (The Ocean’s Pelagial in 2013, Beak’s debut last year), I think it’s safe to say the genre is no longer as in vogue as it once was.” And if you don’t have vogue, what do you have?
““Five overlength songs of Sludge-Doom-Metal.” This is the opening statement made of Slug Lord’s sophomore release, Transmutation, on their one sheet. As far as inspirational and enthusing promotional materials go, this resides somewhere next to “chlamydia – perhaps the most average of all sexually-transmitted infections” and “Volvo – the best example of Swedish culture.”” Prepare the salt baths!
