“The AC/DC of Germanic metal is back! Even lineup changes and a global pandemic couldn’t keep the metal hearts in Accept from beating their 16th album of classic 80s-style metal into life. With a new bassist and a third guitarist in tow, Too Mean to Die finds these ageless vets sitting in a pretty good place with an album’s worth of tried-and-true Teutonic tuneage.” Play nice with the mean, olde men.
“Pounder’s 2019 debut Uncivilized was covered here by Lokasenna, and since he seems to have quietly and non-suspiciously disappeared, Steel Druhm has seen fit to assign follow-up Breaking the World to yours truly. I have no illusions about why Steel has done this. It’s obvious that he believes I will end up crucifying myself before the commentariat, either by being unable to resist making unsavory jokes about the band’s name, or by going into full Skelator mode by lavishing praise upon yet another heavy metal album with questionable vocals.” Pounding the world.
“Now my questions are more pointed, such as what specific right is protected by what’s often called the Lumley v Gye tort. When I was in my first year, I couldn’t envision asking such a question. Two and one-half academic years later, I’ve got more questions than answers. Adding to this litany of questions is one that has nothing to do with law, philosophy, hamburgers, Live in Leipzig, beer, or any of those things I frequently write about. This question is as follows: what would happen if The Haunted circa Unseen wanted to make something like newer Thrice and Saliva?” Socratic disaster.
“What’s in a name? That which we call a poser by any other word would be unhalled. What’s Tragedian? It is nor fun nor epic nor soaring nor uplifting nor any other part belonging to a power metal band. But a name it is, and a foreboding one still.” Tragicomedy.
“While Fatal Visions saw Inculter producing exemplary thrash without altering the formula used by many of the genre’s legendary bands, the promo for So It Goes promises that Demoniac is about to take me down “all sorts of wild ‘n’ weird paths.” Now call me old-fashioned, but I don’t usually get excited about “experimental” things when it comes to my metal. So when I pressed play on So It Goes, I did so with more than a few reservations, wondering if I’d be able to appreciate the journey I was about to take.” Strange highways.
“While at one point it certainly seemed like Nervosa would become another bullet point in a long list of last year’s disasters, the Brazilian thrashers successfully survived 2020. They came out of it wounded like most of the world, sure, but still alive and kicking. If anything, the loss of the rest of her band (bassist and vocalist Fernanda Lira and drummer Luana Dametto) due to cryptic “personal reasons” seems to have viciously reinvigorated the group’s founder and frontwoman Prika Amaral.” Reborn in chaos.
“Like many of you, I’ve spent significant time over the years wandering musical paths far from our beloved metallic bae. In some cases, this has made me something of an amateur expert, as in the rangy field of Americana. In others, I’ve invested enough time as not to be a tourist, but not enough to be considered a deep diver. This is the case with Afrobeat. I’ve passed many hours with the father of the genre, Fela Kuti—easy enough given his song lengths—and with compilations like the incredible Nigeria 70 box set. I’ve also enjoyed the work of revivalists such as Brooklyn, New York’s Antibalas, so when I stumbled across Here Lies Man in the promo pit, a side project of Antibalas members infusing Afrobeat with Sabbathian riffs, I snapped it up greedily.” Don’t be grabby.
“Maybe you thought I was joking when I claimed the mantle of weeniedom. I do sometimes joke, after all. But now you are coming to realize that Red Cain is not a death metal band. They’re not even a black metal band. Look them up, I’ll wait. Look at the tags down there. Oh, and the score. Yeah, see, it says power metal. You know why it says that? It could be that I’m a big weenie now.” Cain and the Weenies.
“While I’m the last person who should be invoking a Kiss comparison, it’s definitely worthwhile to start by saying that Holy Mother bring to the table a similarly big sound — thunderous, catchy, fun, heavy rock. The riffs are mighty, the singing is heated, and occasionally Face This Burn slides into the downright catchy (not that it’s not disco or anything).” Yer Mom is sacred.
“If forced to describe my relationship with Therion over the past 30 years, I would have to call it “complicated.” I was there at the start when they were a simplistic but enjoyable doom death band. I watched with interest as they slowly integrated opera and symphonic orchestration, making them one of the most unique extreme metal acts of the 90s. They had ups and downs over the decades that followed, with the lowest moment coming on 2018s 3-hour, triple album rock opera atrocity, Beloved Antichrist. Now Therion is back with their 17th album, Leviathan.” Opulence as pestilence.
