“The Uncertain Hour, over the course of fifty minutes or so, launches the listener through a galloping field of riffs, leads, and triumphant melodies in one of the better samples of symphonic power metal I’ve heard lately. Upbeat, catchy, and well-written, it has all of the makings of a grower, and talent to match.” Death is certain, good reviews are not.
“It’s been a slow rollout for the sharp knives behind New York-based death metal act Castrator. The rare all-female death crew, they’ve been lurking since 2014, honing their cutting techniques. 2022 finally sees them drop a full-length platter of testicularly challenging material, and Defiled in Oblivion certainly demonstrates the chops you look for in a fledgling death upstart. Trafficking in the OSDM style of Cannibal Corpse and Morbid Angel, Castrator aren’t looking to rewrite the book of death or take things to strange new places. Instead, they’re content to play with establish sounds and put their own grisly stamp on well-traveled styles.” Throw a pair.
“Moonshade treads a fine line between derivation and imitation with their brand of melodeath. Primarily pulling from the teachings of such stalwarts as Omnium Gatherum and latter day Amorphis.” Moon landings and sponge rantings.
“I’ll let you in on a little secret. Sometimes, before I write a review, I read the ones already out there for the album in question. This is after I’ve heard the album a few times, and I do it for a few reasons, curiosity being one. Now, there are writers who solemnly proclaim, pearls fully clutched, that they would never taint their process with such unprofessionalism. I get that. But I also get that you inconstant, two-timing jilts will also read those other reviews, and I don’t like being redundant with mine. So, having read a couple reviews for Wake’s fifth full-length Thought Form Descent, I’ve decided NOT to write an intro paragraph along the lines of “Boy howdy, these Wake bois sure do keep evolving, man alive.”” Thought form pieces.
“We already know what’s going to happen here: I review Imperial Triumphant’s fifth album, Spirit of Ecstasy, and the comments section here will explode with remarks from the peanut gallery, explaining how much they can’t stand this type of music and how it’s “hipster drivel” of the highest magnitude. Ah, yes… the most divisive band we’ve ever reviewed that’s not named Impure Wilhelmina, Fellowship, or Wilderun, New York’s guttural black-death-jazz miscreants have no less stirred up the masses here in such a tizzy that you’d half-expect them to have somehow personally violated your dog. But no, all they did was make music.” Opulence amid the decadence.
“If you’ve ever seen a deep, thick pool of tar, that’s how the AMG Promo Pit looks. It gets its color and density from the sheer volume of black metal releases we get every week. I can stand upright in it and become completely submerged in it. But, when all the asshole writers take the good shit, you’re left sticking your hand in the goo. With everything being one-person black metal outfits, there’s no point in picking and choosing once you’re neck-deep in the muck. Get in, grab a promo, and get out before the stuff melts the skin off your bones. When I emerged from the goop, and Holdy used Kenneth to sponge me off, I looked at my prize. Ceremonial Worship, from Greece. Huh… OK, I like Rotting Christ. ‘This might be worth it,’ I say as I look at my sizzling skin.” Cermony of opposition.
“To non-metal listeners, all metal sounds hostile. Stray far to the edges of the dissonant and avant-garde in the genre, and you’ll find a breed that even experienced acolytes can struggle with. One’s first Portal experience is a conceptual case in point. From out of this dark corner of disturbing and unfriendly sounds, Hissing has emerged.” Crawling dread and slithering heads.
“Canada’s Panzerfaust has been one of my favorite discoveries since joining AMG Industries, ever since I picked up the first part of The Suns of Perdition tetralogy for review back in 2019 and proceeded to underrate it. Underrating was not a problem when the second installment, Chapter II: Render unto Eden, arrived just over a year later. Indeed, that record went on to be my AOTY 2020. It is something of an understatement, therefore, to say that excitement levels were running high when I learned that promo for Chapter III: The Astral Drain had arrived.” Fanboy gushing and proper drainage.
“If you live in any major metro, you are familiar with the problem of homelessness and the effect it has had on how we enjoy our spaces, or rather, how others don’t. Hostile architecture—rails in the middle of park benches, rocky floors below awnings, incessantly flashing lights in seemingly empty corners—is a mainstay of contemporary urban design and aims to ensure that public features are for temporary public enjoyment, not temporary public shelter. Ashenspire has noticed too, and, with all the subtlety of a hippo eating a watermelon, this Glaswegian gang has chosen to use Hostile Architecture to highlight various issues.” Brutalism for the brutal.
“Antigama, at this point, is an institution of modern grind. The perennial contender, these Polish riff-junkies, ever solid in their strangeness, continue to litter the basin of the great grindpile in hopes to build a mound of filth worthy of the crown. As such, Antigama, in that traditional Polish underdog spirit, persists.” Embrace the grindpile.
