“Tipper Gore’s worst fears incarnate. A horrifying concoction of apathy and malaise wrapped in a delectable sheet of hatred, drowned in a bath of contempt represented here by club sauce. Great for parties, ask your caterer for details.” Time to rustle the jimmies.
“Man, I really miss Alchemist. Much like Anacrusis, Alchemist were so far ahead of the curve with their heady blend of progressive melodies, Killing Joke-inspired riffs, and the raspy growls and otherworldly banshee shrieks of guitarist Adam Agius. The amount of times I spun Organasm and Spritech can’t even be measured, and when word got out in 2010 that the band dissolved after the sheer heft of 2007’s underrated Tripsis, yours truly was crushed. Wasting no time, Agius formed spiritual successor The Levitation Hex.” Cool name but weighty legacy to live up to.
“I know this Belgian dude who acts as my barometer for judging a band’s obscurity. The man’s knowledge of all things metal never ceases to amaze me. Whether it’s the newest grindcore band from Kuala Lumpur or a NWOBHM act that only ever released a live demo, he’ll have heard of them and, provided they aren’t too kvlt for social media, have “liked” them on Facebook. So when I look at a band page and don’t see his name on their fan list, it’s usually because they are so fresh you can suck their nuts.” We do not advocate nut suckery.
“2015 seems to have yielded a larger-than-usual crop of good music. For the first time since I’ve joined this fine website, I’ve found a lot more than 10 albums that could have easily made this list, and I’ve had to make some tough calls. Obviously, this is a good problem to have, and I’m not complaining.”
As always, if your favorite album isn’t on my list, it’s because your opinion is wrong, you have terrible taste in music and I don’t like you. Onward!
“2015 has not been the best of years for yours truly, with car accidents, challenges, setbacks, and death upon death upon even more death dropped into my unwilling lap. I was ready to rain supernova-warm hellfire upon this calendar year, but thankfully, a much-needed vacation with friends just this past week helped to deaden the pain of all this negativity the year had brought upon me. Musically, it’s been quite positive and productive. October alone was a monster of a month for metal, as you can see by my list. So despite all the negative garbage, at least the soundtrack was incredible.”
“We’ve reached the end of 2015 and this year I’m personally editing these Top Ten lists. For the first time (ever) I am reading the production of the different writers we’ve assembled over the last few years. I am shocked. I am dismayed. I feel angry, offended, galled. But I am not surprised. Under Steel Druhm and Madam X‘s indulgent care and averted gaze the young Angry Metal Staffers have run amok. Alas, after having actually consumed of the words these gentlemen produce, I’m firing them all. It’s back to the drawing board: me, Steel Druhm, and as much metalcore as you can eat!”
“Supergroups make me weary. For every Down, Vhöl, or Borknagar that comes our way, we get subjected to bands that don’t vary much (if at all) from their more established main groups. The prospect of checking out yet another supergroup doesn’t exactly get my blood pumping, no matter how highly acclaimed that group is promoted by the critics and fans.” The prospects are definitely improving!
“I learned a major lesson this year writing for Angry Metal Guy Industries Unlimited, Inc.. No, I still keep the toilet seat lid up after I go. Rather, band names are everything. This calendar year alone, I’ve reviewed bands named after long Biblical phrases, Roman numerals, house breaking your dog, and even a band that was one letter away from sending homophobic metalheads running for their nearest vial of eye-bleach. And now? Mammoth Storm from Sweden is here.” A hard rain is gonna fall.
“Many older bands, once established, will eventually coast by just on their name alone. Sure, they’ll cut a new album every few years, but it never lives up to their influential works of yesteryear. It’s often an excuse to go out on the road, play nothing but the classics, and bring home the money while also hocking wares that have nothing to do with the band’s original intent. England’s Killing Joke, however, are a unique beast.” The Joke is on you!
“As far as we know, futurist music is no more. One of the last attempts to resuscitate the arthritic soul of the clanging artistic mechanism in the rock and metal community was probably Mike Patton’s Pranzo Oltranzista, but the year was 1997 and I was almost two decades younger. In the meantime, neither the likes of John Zorn or Elliott Sharp have ever contributed to the reiteration of that crime against common sense that was immortalised on Marinetti’s Manifest of Futurism in 1909. Too abstract and complex, their art; too prudent and astute their approach, contemporary artists have been neglecting pure noise for over 50 years.” Confused? That must mean Alex is back to confound and bewilder.
