Metallica

Trivium – In the Court of the Dragon Review

Trivium – In the Court of the Dragon Review

“I can already smell the death metal purists, like Ferrous, shitting their pants reading this review. At the same time, I can feel the metalcore chin-strappers cringing, knowing that yours truly is probably gonna shit all over this new album. The worst part is that if I didn’t have even an inkling of respect for Heafy and co., no one would get a review. But, even after I ran the yellowed Silence in the Snow through my snowblower, Roadrunner Records still sent me the In the Court of the Dragon promo personally.” Dragon, why do you cry?

Wraith – Undo the Chains Review

Wraith – Undo the Chains Review

Sometimes reviewers live with regrets. “Was I too hard on Wraith?” wondered reviewing machine Charcodadentron or whatever his fucking name is. “Do they still say mean things about me at band practice?” Fortunately, he’s had another shot to Undo the Chains of his self-doubt. Yeah, you know you want to read it.

Black Mass – Feast at the Forbidden Tree Review

Black Mass – Feast at the Forbidden Tree Review

“Is it just me, or is Redefining Darkness Records on somewhat of a tear lately? We’ve covered thirteen of the label’s releases since late 2018, and all thirteen have received a score of 3.0 or better. I’ve handled three of those reviews in 2021, and I’ve found them to be good, very good, and fucking awesome. So when the promo for Redefining Darkness act Black Mass came along with its epically sinuous artwork, I threw my head back, cursed the sky, and feasted upon its forbidden fruit.” Rise of the Tree Eaters.

Amnessia Eterna – Malditos Review

Amnessia Eterna – Malditos Review

“Since Steel‘s clammy, hairy hand forced me to write for this illustrious establishment, I’ve noticed a trend. The trend is the inconsistency of thrash releases. It’s like the entire genre gets together as one unit of foul-mouthed dinosaurs, balding dads, and pizza-hungry horror enthusiasts to decide when to release albums. They sit around chugging Mylanta, Steel Reserve, and Truly, talking their trade and comparing solos. After evaluating the recorded material at this annual meeting, they’ll make a decision. The decision this year? No releases. Who made the decision? No one really knows. At this point, everyone’s puking from overdoing it on alcohol and stomach acid. At next year’s meeting, the verdict will flip. Or, so everyone hopes.” Thrash rebels.

Archangel A.D. – Casus Belli Review

Archangel A.D. – Casus Belli Review

Archangel A.D. play thrash about as retro as it gets. But even retro thrash has its particular flavors, in this case an even split mixture between Metallica and Annihilator. Aside from the opener, which might as well have been called “King of Spades” for as close as it hews to Motörhead’s classic. Nevertheless, there’s a more than satisfying amount of hooky riffs on Casus Belli, as well as a surprising amount of variety.” Belli of the beast.

Dungeon Serpent – World of Sorrows Review

Dungeon Serpent – World of Sorrows Review

“When you read “melodic death metal,” what do you think of? If your answer is “thrashy power metal with more chugging and harsh vocals” you’re not alone. I frequently avoid bands with the melo-death tag because that niche of the subgenre has a shallow well of inspiration and grows old quickly. Too often do I forget that Kataklysm is a melo-death band, and Sorcery is a melo-death record, likewise with At the GatesWith Fear I Kiss the Burning Darkness. Both of these are the furthest thing from the cheesy version of melo-death. Thanks to The Nightmare of Being I’ve been on somewhat of a melo-death kick lately, which prompted me to take a chance on Canadian one-man band Dungeon Serpent and their debut record World of Sorrows.” Snakes in the Sorcery room.

Miasma Theory – Miasma Theory Review

Miasma Theory – Miasma Theory Review

“Hey, remember Zach Randall? Not only did this super cool dude found badass off-kilter epic doom outfit Northern Crown, he even participated in the very important and worthwhile interview series on mental health right on this here blog. Zachary is practically a member of the family at this point, so I couldn’t let his little side project Miasma Theory go unnoticed. It’s a relatable project too, because just like all of us, most of the band members have not been in a room together, instead using the power of the internet to tune in from around the globe.” Doom from a distance.

Bewitcher – Cursed Be Thy Kingdom Review

Bewitcher – Cursed Be Thy Kingdom Review

“I’ve given out a 4.0 or twenty-one in my time, but this is the first time that one of 4.0ldeneye‘s highly 4.0nored 4.0nies returns 4.0me for yet another s4.0t at glory. Just under two years ago, Portland, Oregon’s Bewitcher released Under the Witching Cross, their sinister sophomore platter of blackened speed metal tunes, and I still haven’t been able to locate my socks after the resulting off-blowing. That record was oozing with attitude, and every track was a killer. I was stoked to hear that the band had been picked up by Century Media for follow-up effort Cursed Be Thy Kingdom.” Cursed by great expectations.

Motorjesus – Hellbreaker Review

Motorjesus – Hellbreaker Review

“Windshield time also gives me the chance to re-explore my favorite albums. I rarely listen to new promos on the road. This time is dedicated to albums from the Road Gods. Give me something bluesy, something rocking, something upbeat, something I can blare with windows down and my foot inching closer to the floor. Give me something I can scream at the top of my lungs and shift gears to. The simpler, the better. The groovier, the sweeter.” Jesus repossessed your hot rod.

Arion – Vultures Die Alone Review

Arion – Vultures Die Alone Review

“I don’t put much stock in award shows or competitions. Really, who amongst us does? Ever since the first Metal Grammy went to Jethro Tull metal fans around the world have viewed these sorts of things with more than a little trepidation. So when a band comes my way that came to fame in a competition, it’s more a curse than a blessing. Power metal act Arion (the Finnish act, not the Greek) is such a band. As teens these guys were finalists in UMK, the Finnish qualification program for Eurovision, eight years ago.” Beauty pageant meets the metal world.