“The month of January is always a difficult one for us writers here at Angry Metal Guy. As evidenced by the staggering amount of Things You Might Have Missed articles that are still coming in, the sheer sparsity of new music is leaving us parched with thirst for thrilling material, and even more so when said thrilling material is at an absolute premium.” Can some heavy sludge shake off Grymm’s early year doldrums? And why are we already have doldrums?
“There is one problem I have with punk/crust/D-beat. It encourages me to fuck shit up. When done right, the music tempts me into driving 100 mph to work, marching into my boss’s office and beating the living shit out of him. While I obviously have some serious psychological issues here (particularly being that I am indeed my own boss), music like this sets my skin on fire and the only cure for this uncomfortable burning sensation is revolution, overthrow and apocalyptic destruction.” Apparently we found crust punk for the angry solo practitioner. Work your own hours and burn shit down.
“I got a bit sidetracked while writing this review trying to chart the rise of rethrash (thanks Encyclopaedia Metallum!). Since 2003, the proportion of thrash albums to all metal albums released per year has, perhaps surprisingly, stayed constant at around 16%. However, the proportion of new thrash bands to new metal bands forming per year (going back to 1995) peaked at 23% in 2006, and had shrunk to 14% last year. Entrench formed just prior to peak thrash in 2005, releasing a string of demos before unleashing their debut full length, Inevitable Decay, in 2011. What can my thrashnalysis tell us about their music? Fuck all really, but it’s some pretty good trivia, eh?” When the numbers geeks get into the metal review business, you get thrashnalysis. Just go with it and take copious notes.
“Up until now, there were three things that came to mind when I thought of Ireland; St. Patty’s Day, Guinness and Primordial. It turns out there is now a fourth: ZOM. Now, if you go to their Facebook page, this Irish threesome claims to exist in the “Anti-Matter Universe.” Goofy sounding? It is. But my Aunt has a summer home there and she just loves it. Regardless of where they reside, ZOM are definitely intent on wreaking havoc in this Anti-Anti-Matter Universe of ours.” That’s all well and good, but if they make me spill my Guinness, shit’s going down in all the universes.
“Since 1997, 1349 has evolved a lot. And I mean a lot. They’ve changed so much that their musical career can only be compared to driving down the freeway at 70 miles per hour and hitting black ice. First, you accelerate along the on-ramp (Liberation and Beyond the Apocalypse), until you achieve top speed (Hellfire). When you come upon the ice, it sends you into uncontrollable spins (Revelations of the Black Flame) that you miraculously manage to steer free from.” Winter is fast approaching so it’s time to check your snow tires and drive safely out there!
This year the plebs get a say. While I have fought against this with every fiber of my body, Madam X‘s caring, feeling, and ultimately populistic, womanly touch has poisoned this blog by allowing people who aren’t me (including herself) to have lists. Frankly I’m offended. No one comes to Angry Metal Guy to read these guys’ lists. But hey, you know how it goes. Times, they are achangin’. As I no longer have time to be the site’s lone dictator, and Steel Druhm has proven incapable of keeping the mustache twirling hipsters underfoot despite his enormous gun collection and tough talk, you, dear reader, get extra Top 10 lists.
I hope you’re happy.
“Baroness frontman John Baizley was having drawer’s block. Some Ohio blackened thrash metal band called “Skeletonwitch” had contracted his service for drawing metal album cover art, but when he drew up a draft that depicted a naked woman covered by foliage at the NSFW areas and surrounded by random animals, the band rejected it on grounds of un-creativity. Oh, the nerve of those Southeasterners. What were they expecting to see? Fully-clothed women and machines?” How dare they be art elitists?? Well, I suppose we can’t expect every blackened re-thrash band to be culturally refined, but at least Skeletonwitch knows how to tear your face off.
“Well slap my ass and call me Skippy, the premier name in super-mega, old school, retro, throwback thrash (rethrash for short) is back to teach another post-grad lesson in violence. For those not in the know, that means a new album from Joel Grind’s Toxic Holocaust. Yes folks, things don’t get more painfully stuck in the 80s than the speed churned out by Mr. Grind and if there was ever a man born too late, it’s him. You see, Joel was meant to exist during that original wave of thrash, releasing revolutionary new music to shock the world alongside the likes of Slayer and Exodus. Alas, the Fates turned a mean skein and he was cast forward to this cruel future, where all his best thrashing and bashing is considered tired, recycled and irrelevant by many. Tis quite the shame too, since the man has a true gift for penning genuine 80s thrash and his stuff always has an aura of authenticity that’s lacking in most rethrash.” When I say rethrash, you say Grind!! That was fun, right? But is this album fun? Steel Druhm, a veteran of the rethrash wars, will chime in.
“You may have noticed a tendency of the AMG staff to carp, whine and bitch about albums being too long and including too much filler. It’s a sad truism that because CDs are capable of holding 75 minutes of tuneage, way too many bands think they have 75 minutes worth of quality music when usually…they don’t. Mammoth Grinder are the exception to that rule and their Underworlds album clocks in at a lean, mean twenty-eight minutes and it feels as refreshing as a bath in a mountain lake.” Pressed for time? Need your ass kicked quickly and fully. Hire a Mammoth!
“The Gods of crusty, scabby American death are back yet again! Since their grisly and well-received Macabre Eternal comeback, I’ve been chomping at the bit to hear more new material from the reformed Autopsy. With roots running all the way back to the seminal debut by genre creators Death (Chris Reifert played drums thereon), Autopsy has had an up and down career filled with long lay-offs, breakups and resurrections so it’s always a joy to get a new platter of splatter from them (and I always worry it will be their last).” Since you never know when the wheels will come off the Autopsy table, enjoy their brand of dirty, scuzzy death while you still can! Steel Druhm’s been knee deep in it for a week and has some thoughts (and some infections).
