GardensTale

Will be destroying crappy nu-metal and praising crappy prog until the sky dies.
Death Keepers – Rock This World Review

Death Keepers – Rock This World Review

By GardensTale on January 18, 2018 in 2018, Fighter Records, Heavy Metal, Reviews, Spanish Metal, Heavy Metal, 45 comments

“Of all metal subgenres, heavy metal is the one with the honor of regularly being used as a synonym for metal at large. Considering it’s arguably the oldest of the bunch, this should come as little surprise, but one could also argue the case for doom metal, which no one outside of the scene ever heard about. Is it then due to age, exposure, or just my own warped view that heavy metal seems to be the most stagnant of metal subgenres? I won’t say nothing fresh ever arises from its corner (Sumerlands is a fine example) but by and large, heavy metal bands today all seem like pale imitations of the golden boys from the 1980’s. Death Keepers don’t do much to change that impression with debut Rock This World.” Remember the old, those days were gold.

Timeworn – Venomous High [Things You Might Have Missed 2017]

Timeworn – Venomous High [Things You Might Have Missed 2017]

By GardensTale on December 19, 2017 in 2017, Norwegian Metal, Post-metal, Self-released, Sludge, Things You MIght Have Missed 2017, Post-Metal, Sludge Metal, 28 comments

“Like them or hate them, Mastodon have grown into one of the biggest metal bands this side of the millennium. But many pine for their pre-The Hunter era, when they were still playing dense, complex sludge metal instead of smooth progressive metal. If you’re like that, Timeworn should come as an absolute treat.” Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes?

Dvne – Asheran [Things You Might Have Missed 2017]

Dvne – Asheran [Things You Might Have Missed 2017]

By GardensTale on December 16, 2017 in 2017, British Metal, Progressive Metal, Sludge, Stoner Metal, Things You MIght Have Missed 2017, Wasted State Records, Progressive Metal, Sludge Metal, Stoner Metal, 65 comments

“Flow. Like love, it’s a word that’s difficult to describe, but you know it when you experience it. It’s the feeling of losing yourself in a task or a game, becoming one with the activity, balancing perfectly on the edge between skill and difficulty. No frustration, no boredom, and no sense of time or place. If you’ve ever found yourself looking up from an activity after ten minutes and find out three hours have passed, you’ve experienced flow.” Like an everflowing dream.

Mistheria – Gemini Review

Mistheria – Gemini Review

By GardensTale on December 15, 2017 in 2017, Italian Metal, Neo-Classical Metal, Progressive Metal, Reviews, Rockshots Records, Progressive Metal, 36 comments

“If only it were that simple. Completely instrumental albums are more difficult to write, I think because we are automatically drawn to voices. Without a vocalist, the tracks must be carefully composed to guide the listener’s attention and keep a sense of structural flow and integrity. Gemini is not carefully composed. Gemini doesn’t have flow and barely any structure. Rather, Gemini is a group of very talented musicians wanking onto a biscuit and hoping you’ll eat it.” Don’t eat the buttermilked biscuits.

Genus Ordinis Dei – Great Olden Dynasty Review

Genus Ordinis Dei – Great Olden Dynasty Review

By GardensTale on December 7, 2017 in 2017, Death Metal, Deathcore, Eclipse Records, Italian Metal, Reviews, Symphonic Metal, Deathcore, 48 comments

“Genus Ordinis Dei (GOD for short) by their name wonder what the biological classification of an Abrahamic God would be, and they do this by seemingly breaking the rulebook and combining symphonic death metal with elements of the traditionally blue collar of deathcore.” Symphonic deathcore? Surely you can’t be serious.

The Atomic Bitchwax – Force Field Review

The Atomic Bitchwax – Force Field Review

By GardensTale on December 6, 2017 in 2017, American Metal, Hard Rock, Reviews, Stoner Metal, Tee Pee Records, Hard Rock, Stoner Metal, 51 comments

“Winter is coming, and not just in Westeros. As the days grow shorter and the coats grow thicker, a somber feeling draws across us all, blanketing anticipatory holiday cheer. Seasonal Affective Disorder (with its hilarious acronym SAD) strikes its yearly blow, and the call of morose doom metal like Hallatar and Loss is stronger than ever. But frankly, in this melancholic time of the year, it’s nice to have a band around who don’t give a flying iota about the dark short days ahead. The Atomic Bitchwax is that band in body, mind and spirit.” Screw your winter!

No Return – The Curse Within Review

No Return – The Curse Within Review

By GardensTale on November 22, 2017 in 2017, French Metal, Melodic Death Metal, Mighty Music, Reviews, Thrash Metal, Melodic Death Metal, Thrash Metal, 37 comments

“My first plunge on that trip occurred somewhere late 2003, almost half a lifetime ago. It was the release of Dance of Death by Iron Maiden, though I had been primed by popular bands such as Rammstein and System of a Down, and my father’s extensive classic rock collection before that. Soon I found myself rocking out to the unprecedented brutality of Children of Bodom and Norther, diving headfirst into the world of melodic death metal. Listening to No Return, I am transported back to those halcyon days, despite never hearing the French band before picking The Curse Within from the promo bin.” History-core for dummies.