“What do you get when you take equal parts O(ld)peth, Rush and Devin Townsend, chuck it all in a cosmic blender and turn it on? The correct reply is ‘a throbbing erection,’ but second place goes to upstarts The Thirteenth Sun, set to release their debut full-length 5 years in the making.” Take a cold shower, you perv.
“In the big and scary world of progressive music, fusion jazz is definitely among the most divisive. The heady complexity of the riffs, the drums that jerk back and forth with different tempos and measures and the structural integrity of a house of cards constructed by a madman often invite words like showing off, musical masturbation, or simply wanking.” Jazz hands be wanking.
“I consider last year’s 40 Watt Sun album a particularly effective example at creating space and even emptiness with its sparse arrangements and use of repetition, reflecting the social distance in the lyrics. Since every good example is most effective when juxta- I mean, when placed opposite a bad example, Cursus has volunteered to demonstrate.” Doom death, where is thy sting?
“Every year, something special takes place in my hometown of Tilburg, The Netherlands: the festival of Roadburn. Roadburn isn’t like your average festival. There’s no marquees, no fields of green devolving into mud, and no crowds the size of small towns worshiping the biggest bands. Instead, thousands of people dressed in black gather from every corner of the continent, and some from other continents, to see over 100 doom, stoner and other kinds of acts whose success lies almost entirely in the underground.” Welcome to the dope show.
“Almost a decade ago, when I had only gotten my head stuck in the alluring crevice that is metal for a few short years, I stumbled upon a little-known atmospheric doom metal band called Black Math Horseman. I hardly listened to any doom, nor bands with female vocalists at the time (I wouldn’t develop a taste for it until years later) so the album, titled Wyllt, never really stuck, but the concept intrigued me nonetheless. Now, many trials and tribulations later, I find myself back in the loving arms of Sera Timms’ haunting cry with a different band by the name of Ides of Gemini.” Ides wide open.
“I’ve never been big on punk. Once in a blue moon, the mood might hit me and I spin some Social Distortion or Dead Kennedys but it’s never gotten beyond that point. It’s rarely on my mind, as well, so rather than an active dislike, it is simply a blank spot on my list of genres. With this established it should stand to reason that upon reviewing retro heavy/doom metal outfit Devil, the lightbulb for punk shouldn’t even flicker. Yet, early into To the Gallows, the third album by the Norsemen, the bulb was glowing bright enough to cast shadows on the walls.” Punks can’t play doom, can they?
“70’s revival bands pop out of the ground like hallucinogenic mushrooms in this day and age, but despite making up half the population of the planet, there’s a somewhat depressing lack of female-fronted material. It’s an issue that has plagued rock and metal for decades, but when the annals contain such timeless talents as Heart and Janis Joplin, it doesn’t feel like a counterweight for all the testosterone should be too much to ask.” More Venus, less penis.
“Reflection are clearly major fans of Sabaton, however, while it’s not quite a mirror copy of the Swedes, these Greeks have definitely cast Bleed Babylon Bleed from the same mold. But is this an epic fail or can they seize victory on the battlefield?” Souvlakaton.
“We all did dumb stuff when we were 14. We overate on candy without remembering how much we puked last time, we lost teeth to concrete trying to nail the stupidest stunts, and we tried and failed horribly at being cool enough for that one girl that kick-started our hormone production the summer before. One of the (un)cool things we did was listen to what passed as edgy at the time, and considering this would be 2003 for me, that would be Mudvayne and Static-X. Now I have a brand new nu-metal promo by Invidia, a supergroup featuring members from Skinlab, Five Finger Death Punch and In This Moment, colliding all of the above with such heroes as Godsmack, a manure-filled dump truck and a frat house full of drunk jocks.” Ah, to never be young again.
“I was raised on classic rock. My three favorite albums as a 7 year old were To You by Dutch blues rockers Brainbox, Aqualung by Jethro Tull and In Rock by Deep Purple. I heard the phrase “Aren’t you a little young for that?” so often in conversation, hearing it on the street didn’t even surprise me when someone caught me whistling “Stairway to Heaven” or wearing a Deep Purple shirt. That love laid the foundations for where I am in music today, and it never went away. But while a lot of bands these days harken back to the age of hippies and vinyl, not many of them manage to truly nail the sound. Swedish rockers Saturn are among the minority.” Rock in an old place.
