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Warped Cross – Rumbling Chapel Review

By Grymm on February 3, 2020 in 2020, Black Sunset Records, Doom Metal, German Metal, Hard Rock, MDD Records, Reviews, Doom Metal, Hard Rock, 17 comments

“I’m about to drop a reality bomb on you that you’re probably already aware of; genre tags, on a collective whole, are oftentimes bullshit. Yes, I’m sure you’ve known that for ages, but when a band is characterized as a particular strain of metal, it’s either because the review writer in question needs some neat, easily identifiable box to put a band into so the listener can gauge whether or not the band is right for them, or said band is vastly stretching the idea of what they sound like to ridiculous lengths.” Rumble bumble.

T.O.M.B. – Thin the Veil Review

By Dear Hollow on January 22, 2020 in 2020, Ambient, American Metal, Atmospheric Black Metal, Black Metal, Dark Essence Records, Drone, Electronica Metal, Industrial Metal, Noise, Powerviolence, Reviews, Trap, Atmospheric Black Metal, Black Metal, Electronic Metal, Noise, 23 comments

“I would kill for a good atmospheric album. Just ask Kronos about that time that we discussed the atmospheric sludge/doom beauty of The Osedax around the water cooler when Gardenstale mentioned he was gonna give it, AT BEST, a 2.5. Have you seen any Gardenstale reviews lately? Didn’t think so.” Thin lines between love and hate.

Detraktor – Grinder Review

By Diabolus in Muzaka on September 23, 2019 in 2019, German Metal, Reviews, Thrash Metal, Violent Creek Records, Groove Metal, Thrash Metal, 21 comments

“Brewing a good cup of nostalgia is a delicate art. Being merely reminded of something—akin to South Park’s “Memberberries”—is fleeting and while the first sip is fine, the rest of the cup proves to be bland or even distasteful. The quality mixed with the aesthetic is what makes nostalgic stuff satisfying. It’s not enough to make a game that looks like Contra if it doesn’t play like Contra or perhaps even better.” Speed re-kills.

Ghost:Hello – Sound of Color in Space Review

By GardensTale on September 16, 2019 in 2019, American Metal, Psychedelic Rock, Reviews, Self-released, Stoner Rock, Psychedelic Rock, Stoner Rock, 41 comments

“Now this is a band who has their shit together for a self-released debut. They got a logo, a professional looking website, even an animated music video. Their online presence is fantastic for a band this young. One of them just might be a web developer, or they get enough from their day jobs to have hired a good one. They have a whole slew of merch available for their new album, including panties. Sure, the name Ghost:Hello is kind of stupid (I keep imagining a sheet-with-holes ghost going “HellooOOoooOOooo!”) but when did a silly name ever stop an eager young band?” Boo-burns.

Mithridatic – Tetanos Mystique Review

By Grymm on September 10, 2019 in 2019, Death Metal, French Metal, Reviews, Xenokorp Records, Death Metal, 29 comments

“I wish I was born with the ability to remain blissfully ignorant, especially when it comes to the music you and I enjoy. For starters, my output would increase exponentially from not saying “fuck this bullshit” due to bands promoting questionable beliefs this calendar year alone, and I would most likely review an album at face value. Oh, and I would relish in the sheer joy of ignoring the fact sheet that comes packed with about 75% of the music we review. What am I getting at, you may ask? Tetanus Mystique, the second album by French “blackened” death metal merchants Mithridatic, is based on writer Roger Gilbert-LeComte, and his getting high by injecting tetanus into himself. Lovely. Oh, and the album prides itself on being an unflinching look into mental illness and stability.” Bad science.

EdgeOverEdge – EdgeOverEdge Review

By GardensTale on August 17, 2019 in 2019, American Metal, Hard Rock, Nu-metal, Reviews, Sliptrick Records, Hard Rock, Nu Metal, 21 comments

“At the risk of torpedoing my metal cred, I must admit I have a bit of a soft spot for Godsmack.” Flamethrowers, assemble!

Bound in Fear – The Hand of Violence Review

By Master of Muppets on August 15, 2019 in 2019, British Metal, Deathcore, Reviews, Unique Leader, Deathcore, 58 comments

“‘Be careful what you wish for, yo,’ they tell me. Well, they, and everybody else, also tell me to smile more, to not swear so fucking much in front of the children, and to stop stealing money from the holiday party collection jar to buy cigarettes and scratch tickets… take a wild guess how that’s going.” Scratch tickets and violent hands.

Vomit Angel – Imprint of Extinction Review

By Mark Z. on July 16, 2019 in 2019, Black Metal, Danish Metal, Death Metal, Grind, Iron Bonehead Productions, Reviews, Black Metal, Death Metal, 27 comments

“There are two types of bad art in the world, just like there are two types of turds. The first type is embodied by the movie The Room. It’s a massive turd. It’s a turd that you look at and marvel over how it was produced by a human being, a turd that you immediately want to share and laugh about with your friends. And then, there is the fouler type. This is the turd that is spoken of in hushed tones, the pungent semi-diarrhea laced with the partially digested remnants of yesterday’s corn, the turd with a stench so foul it would wrinkle the nose of Beezlebub himself. This is the turd you immediately want to flush and never want to speak of again. This turd is Vomit Angel’s Imprint of Extinction debut.” Up the creek without an angel.

Brocelian – Guardians of Brocéliande Review

By GardensTale on July 15, 2019 in 2019, German Metal, Massacre Records, Reviews, Symphonic Metal, Symphonic Metal, 34 comments

“Say what you will about Nightwishcore, but most of the bands following this insipid template have at least one thing going for them: a gifted, technically proficient woman on the mic. Regardless of instrumental quality, or absence thereof, the quasi-operatic skills of Sharon den Adel (Within Temptation) or Floor Jansen (Nightwish) cannot be denied. So what happens when such a band fails to follow through on this trend and flunks not only fails the songwriting and instrumental departments, but can’t even compensate with high quality vocals? My, that would be truly disastrous wouldn’t it?” Nightmiss.

Deiphago – I, the Devil Review

By Dear Hollow on May 3, 2019 in 2019, Black Metal, Death Metal, Hells Headbangers Records, Reviews, 71 comments

“Pretense is a bitch. I’ve found myself being more and more cynical through the years about people who claim to be the best at what they do. From athletes and artists to people I interact with on a daily basis, I prefer action and art to speak for itself. Therefore, I found myself suspicious with Filipino blackened death metal three-piece Deiphago, who proclaim to be ‘arguably the most violent band on the planet, as well as one of the most envelope-pushing.'” Heavy is as heavy does.