“If I’ve learned anything from the Metallicas and Carcasses of the world, it’s to leave ’em wanting more. Knowing when to put out a tunneling candle is preferable to producing an nigh unsurpassable album that embarrasses all future output. Any career based on one-upping yourself will likely end in disappointment.” Doublestone’s double tap.
“Pyramaze has made a career out of defying expectations and being impossible to anticipate. With constantly shifting styles and revolving door vocalists, each new album promises something totally different. Enigmas that they are, it still seemed they’d found a near-perfect sound and a killer front man on 2015s excellent Disciples of the Sun, and since it was such a compelling, addicting album, I hoped they would tinker sparingly with their approach when it came time for a sequel. Alas, it was clear early on the band wanted to take what they did on Disciples and expand on it ten-fold for Contingent, going for a kind of post-apocalyptic conceptual piece with cinematic soundtrack elements and a greater symphonic presence.” Every contingent has a contingency fee.
“Think of the most oppressive, putrid, and harrowing music you know. Now multiply the numerical representation of that oppressive and harrowing putridity by a thousand million. Your numerical representation is dwarfed by that of Hexis. In their world, Wormed sound like the Beach Boys, Ahab sound like wimpy clown fish, and Annal Nathrakh sound like a Tony Bennett tribute act.” That’s a mad world, right there.
“To me, there’s no music genre entirely without merit. Hardcore? Give me some Counterparts, please. Hip hop? Aesop Rock is my jam. Emo? I’ll rock out to Taking Back Sunday like it’s 2005 and I need something playing in the background while I apply eyeliner for my Myspace profile pic. Djent? Now that’s a tricky one.” Go easy on the guyliner, Z.
“Let’s play a game of ‘guess the genre!’ We have a band with a nondescript, vaguely fantasy-sounding name. Google betrays it to be the Ghanese word for ‘heart.’ The album name is Revangels, which I’m guessing is a contraction of revenge and angels? That seems likely, but I choose to believe it’s about angels that have become groupies for deceased drummer The Rev, instead because that’s more clever than the alternative.” Show no symphony.
“Before I write this review, let me educate the non-American readers of this fine website about the amazing about-face that happens this time of year. Just one day before I finalized this review, our nation celebrated Thanksgiving, a day where we all sit around the table, eat turkey, unsuccessfully avoid all conversations about politics, and above all give thanks for what we have. I mention this because 24 hours later, a phenomenon known as Black Friday began. A day where all promises of thanks and gratefulness are dashed.” Fight for that discount waffle maker!
“Formed at the turn of the millennium and billed in their promo material as “Denmark’s best-selling power metal band,” Iron Fire have consistently put out strong records with distinctive characters. 2014’s Voyage of the Damned was perhaps their darkest album to date, sounding like a cross between Dark Tranquility and Kamelot, but with more balls. Since then the band has seen some personnel changes: original drummer Gunnar Olsen has returned to the fold, and they’re now operating as a three-piece. What does this mean for new record Among the Dead?” Big in Denmark!
“Dawn of Demise, the irrepressible death dealers of Danish chunk, return after a quiet few years with their fourth LP of groove-driven brutality, entitled The Suffering. The boys have obviously been feeding on extra chunky hunks of beef and holding the potatoes, as The Suffering offers up another carnivorous serving of muscular, protein-fueled death in the tradition of the band’s solid previous work, including A Force Unstoppable and Rejoice in Vengeance. If Neanderthal’s had access to audio technology and the wonders of metal, Dawn of Demise would be at the top of their playlist.” Let’s go clubbin’.
“Well, the day has come once more. The AMG staff is ashamed, Dr. Grier is a giddy school girl, and pure fanboyism is about to play out. Yep, the full-length debut from Denner/Shermann has finally hit the record shelves. “Oh, shit…,” you might be saying. Or maybe “Fuck me, here comes another 5.0/5.0.” But, keep this in mind: at least it isn’t a new King Diamond record.” Thank goodness for minor miracles.
“Ten seconds into Future Cancer, I was damned sure of one thing; this band is from Long Island. Combine the irreverence of the name Piss Vortex with their progressive spin on, of course, grindcore, and you’ve got one grimy, disgusting EP dredged up from the alligator infested sewers of… Copenhagen?” Kronos is great with taxonomy, but not so much with geography.
