“The arrival of 2016 finds the tides turning for Varg, now signed to Napalm Records. Das Ende aller Lügen (The End of All Lies) is here and with it Varg presents their latest direction—one encouraging impulsivity, unpredictability, revelry and brute force. All packaged in nice bright red war paint.” Madam X is here to tell you about the creepy German dogs she dragged home. Who’s not interested in that?
“Sometimes I forget what Children of Bodom used to sound like. While they retain some of the elements from Something Wild and Hatebreeder, these Finns have almost entirely abandoned that cold-blooded power metal title.” Ready for another deathroll with your hate crew? What the hell does that even mean?
“Once a writer has reviewed a band, it’s standard practice for them to review any subsequent records that band releases. Unless, of course, AMG wrote the original review and is too busy masturbating over old Iron Maiden records to critique new music. As you will have noticed, this scenario arose just the other week, and that’s why it’s fallen to me to review Leaves’ Eyes’ latest platter.” We have a system and you’re gonna use it!
“I’m aware many readers think I pick promos to review based solely on the presence or absence of a sword wielding barbarian on the cover. I can certainly see the reasoning behind that school of thought, but you’ll note there is no such angry warrior here, only a solitary dude in feathers and native garb. That dude is none other than Jonne Javela, vocalist and guitarist of Finnish folk-metal pioneers, Korpiklaani, and Jonne is his new solo album.” Finland’s woodland spirits are loose and feeling frisky.
“When I hear someone mention a band with nearly as many active members in its ranks as the starting lineup of a baseball team, I immediately think of that one band from Des Moines (which is, honestly, the worst kind of buzzkill). There is always the risk of biting off more than you can chew when trying to incorporate so many musicians/instruments into an album, not to mention trying to balance everything on the stage.” Celtic themed folk metal from Italy? Now that’s fooking international!
“With Scotland potentially poised to proclaim independence from English rule in a very un-William Wallace fashion (ballots instead of broadswords), it seems only fair to highlight some Scottish music for a fookin change, eh? Today’s subject is Falloch, a folksy, relentlessly bleak post rock outfit that takes elements of traditional Scottish music and blends them with healthy doses of melodic, vaguely blackened metal. I suppose their sound could be described as Eluvilite mixed with Primordial and Agalloch, with some Enya thrown in for haggis and giggles.” Remember, they may take your dignity, and they may take your lunch money, but they’ll never take…your AMG!
“When I throw the label “experimental metal” out to you, what does your blastbeat-addled mind conjure for images and sounds? Does your brain picture off-the-wall time changes, weird instrumentation, musical concepts foreign to metal, or something truly out of left field? Or, like me, does it simply explain that what you’re about to listen to, well, isn’t really metal? Sadly, 9 times out of 10, most “experimental” bands fall into the latter category. Lethe is a new project featuring Anna Murphy (Eluveitie) and Tor-Helge Skei (Manes) waving the “experimental metal” flag with their debut, When Dreams Become Nightmares. Does Lethe carve a new path through the thickets, emblazoning new trails, and sending the hordes kicking and screaming, welcoming the dawn of a new day in the world of heavy metal?” Grymm answers this thorny question and weighs the relative worth of this experiment in metal and/or non-metal.
“In 2009 I received a promo for Liv Kristine’s ‘new’ band Leaves’ Eyes and I was curious. The record was called Njord and as a fan of Liv’s voice and epic symphonic metal I figured for sure that I would be in for a treat. I was wrong. I was so very, very wrong. My complaints about the album were many—but a lot of it had to do with the fact that it was so compressed that it never felt heavy and the song-writing was just plain mediocre. Meredead, which followed two years later on schedule, was also a miserable record. The folky stuff was of the “let’s throw in a flute, hooray folk metal!” genre and I simply didn’t even have the patience to finish reviewing it. But because I am a masochist (and I’ve always liked Liv’s voice ffs!), I broke out Symphony of the Night when it arrived in my box.” Always a sucker for a lady with a pretty voice, Angry Metal Guy gave the new Leaves’ Eyes a chance. Is this turning into Charlie Brown, Lucy and the football?
“It’s true, going into any Viking metal-related band and expecting innovation is an exercise in futility. With Eluveitie basically making the same album over and over again and Ensiferum getting more clichéd and boring with every passing record [How dare you??? — Steel Druhm], not to mention countless other bands putting out forgettable records; they all tend to blur into one. I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for SuidAkrA though — a band that offers all the enjoyment of bands of Ensiferum’s ilk, but with none of the cringe-worthy theatrics and clichés.” Noctus takes to his Viking soapbox to praise SuidAkrA and bury such luminaries as Ensiferum. Seems like a good way to get a broadsword in the skull, but that’s his way.
So this is a review of an album by a Swiss band being written by an Egyptian guy living in Egypt and published on a website run by a guy living in Sweden. Don’t you just love the Internet? Anyway, Eluveitie is indeed a very Swiss band that draws its influences from the roots of the land; medieval Helvetian and Celtic history. Since I did not study European history or Anthropology at any level, I can’t verify the accuracy, relevance or truthfulness of the stories being told on Helvetios. What I can verify, though, is that the music is quite interesting; especially if you haven’t heard Eluveitie before. They use the standard metal gear of distorted guitars, drums and bass and they’ve added a multitude of native folk instruments to complement and emphasize that snapshot of medieval Europe they’re creating with their music.
