Mercyful Fate

Mausoleum Gate – Into a Dark Divinity Review

Mausoleum Gate – Into a Dark Divinity Review

“While Death Alley sticks with the upbeat rock ‘n’ roll of Motörhead, Captain Beyond, and Blue Öyster Cult, Finland’s Mausoleum Gate goes for dark, jamming, progressive song structures, with a fuck-ton of organs. Like, Deep Purple levels of organ. And this is where, I suspect, readers will be split. If you aren’t the type to buy an original print of Machine Head (even if it’s fifty cents), Into a Dark Divinity ain’t for you. But, old-timers looking for an interesting combination of BÖC and Purple, with hints of Angel Witch, should read on.” Enjoy of Deep Purple.

Portrait – Burn the World Review

Portrait – Burn the World Review

“OK, no stories this time. I don’t want to cause anyone to walk away from an album they might actually enjoy. Instead, I’ll just be blunt and boring. I’ll compress reviews into simple phrases like “album of the year” or “this isn’t brutal enough and you’re all pussies for liking it.” I guess 700 words is a waste of time for some and I should just force-feed shitty clickbaiting one-liners to you like a CNN ticker tape. I guess I could do that. Or… I could say fuck that and hammer out another lengthy piece proclaiming my love for King Diamond and Mercyful Fate. Yep, I think I’ll do that.” King Clickbait strikes again.

Vulture – The Guillotine Review

Vulture – The Guillotine Review

“From the slightly out of focus and over-exposed band photos to the chrome plated logo that wouldn’t be out of place adorning the packaging of a bootleg Thundercats toy, Vulture have gone to great lengths to make it seem like they’ve been around for decades. Even the (rather excellent) album art has been carefully rendered to deceive, with faint nicks and scratches baked in to mimic a record that’s been manhandled and left in a crate for aeons.” Faux-olde.

Attic – Sanctimonious Review

Attic – Sanctimonious Review

Grier walks through swinging double–doors; their rectangular plates and white panels smudged by hundreds of dirty, desperate hands. Along the decades–old, re-waxed checkerboard floors of sun–bleached white and black, the vulnerable Doctor approaches the receptionist’s desk. ‘The doctor is waiting.’ The distinguished Grier makes his way through the buzzer–kept door to the far–end of the faux–marbled hallway. He turns the doorknob to Room 17. Beyond the stuttering fluorescent bulbs overhead, the Doctor finds “Dr.” Landau seated at a walnut–stained desk, just this side of the cherry–red built–ins—bookshelves filled with volumes as convincing as the toupee positioned upon Landau’s head. Grier walks to the glossy, chocolate–brown sofa positioned in the middle of the room. He lies back. Landau looks upon the weathered face and sleep–deprived eyes of the patient. He knows well the sickness the patient suffers.” Physician, heal thyself!

Yer Metal Is Olde: King Diamond – Abigail

Yer Metal Is Olde: King Diamond – Abigail

“In these tumultuous times, the rights of the fetus, the infant, and the toddler have, somehow, survived. The right to transition from embryo to child in nine days, rather than nine months; the right to lash out and gain complete control of one’s own mother; the right to throw your unsuspecting father down slippery stairs; the right to explore one’s festering sarcophagus and eat until satisfied: these are the rights of our children—born and yet to be born. Privileges first chiseled on stone in 1987, privileges laid down by their founder and greatest defender: King Diamond.” Hail to the King, baby.

Vampire – With Primeval Force Review

Vampire – With Primeval Force Review

“For their second full-length, With Primeval Force, Sweden’s Vampire rattles off the usual suspects when it comes to their throwback sound, citing Bathory, Mercyful Fate, and Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest, you can’t help but… wait, fucking Castlevania?! And a criminally underrated game in that series to boot? Really?” What is a man??

Witchery – In His Infernal Majesty’s Service Review

Witchery – In His Infernal Majesty’s Service Review

“For a quality so inextricably linked with metal, at times heaviness can be a difficult characteristic to define. For some it’s all about sheer volume and noise, whereas for others, myself included, attitude and the weight of feeling behind the music are key components. Every now and then, however, a record will come along dripping with such malice and vitriol that it nullifies any need for a debate on the matter entirely.” 8 out of 10 Witchfinder Generals recommend this.

Yer Metal Is Olde! In Flames – The Jester Race

Yer Metal Is Olde! In Flames – The Jester Race

“So the comment I made on Grymm’s piece on losing your metal virginity may have been intentionally provocative. I resented the proposition that everyone distinctly remembers their first exposure to heavy metal as I do not: I’ve always been exposed to it so can’t recall a precise occasion. While this is true, and as I later conceded, the story is quite different with regard to extreme metal. The first death metal that I heard and loved which was itself derived from metal was The Jester Race by In Flames.” I remember now, I remember everything….

Yer Metal Is Olde: King Diamond – Fatal Portrait

Yer Metal Is Olde: King Diamond – Fatal Portrait

“Do you ever pop in an album that reminds you of a specific time or place in your life? There’s been a lot of talk of “first times” around here, but this is me with every album I ever buy. I remember where I was when I bought my first album as much as I remember where I was when I bought yesterday’s album. And I especially remember my first King Diamond album.” The King is olde but still bolde.

Denner/Shermann – Masters of Evil Review

Denner/Shermann – Masters of Evil Review

“Well, the day has come once more. The AMG staff is ashamed, Dr. Grier is a giddy school girl, and pure fanboyism is about to play out. Yep, the full-length debut from Denner/Shermann has finally hit the record shelves. “Oh, shit…,” you might be saying. Or maybe “Fuck me, here comes another 5.0/5.0.” But, keep this in mind: at least it isn’t a new King Diamond record.” Thank goodness for minor miracles.