Poison

Sandness – Untamed Review

Sandness – Untamed Review

“Sandness. The essence of sand. It’s coarse and it’s rough and it’s irritating and it gets everywhere. Such characteristics are not really desirable for a young Italian rock band releasing their third album and aiming to bring 80s hair metal to the modern day. Untamed follows a 3-year break, a time in which the band aimed to create something “more straightforward, shorter and more lighthearted,” descriptors which are quite different to those listed above. But the real queries are around quality. Do they achieve their goals? Should you invest your time here? Do I like Sand(ness)?” The Sandness of love.

Hank Von Hell – Egomania Review

Hank Von Hell – Egomania Review

“November: the time of year when Madam X rules the roost with her iron fist. Meaning, this month I’m taking my orders from her, and the first order of business is this Hank Von Hell record. Name ring a bell? It does if you were (or for some reason still are) a Turbonegro fan. Von Hell, then known as Hank Von Helvete, sang for those punky fellows for seventeen years and six records, then stepped away for a variety of reasons both sordid and domestic. His short-lived band, Doctor Midnight & the Mercy Cult, put out an album in 2011, and then he faded away again until now, where we are presented with Egomania.” Turbo ego.

Autograph – Get Off Your Ass Review

Autograph – Get Off Your Ass Review

“There’s no doubt that this is one fucked up world. And to add insult to injury, Autograph has a new album. I mean, I wouldn’t want to say glam metal is irrelevant these days, but it is. And one of its pioneers is unwilling to die—trying to hold on to what it has (“Turn Up the Radio”) and hasn’t (everything else) contributed to this world.” This IS your father’s metal.

Tygers of Pan Tang – Tygers of Pan Tang Review

Tygers of Pan Tang – Tygers of Pan Tang Review

“I love the 80s. And who wouldn’t? If you are an olde guy like me, the 80s were the peak of metal. The big bands were huge (Maiden, Priest) and new shit was cropping up everywhere (Metallica, Slayer). Luckily, as a teen back then I managed to hold down a job, so I was able to spend all my $6 hour wages on music at every opportunity.” Crouching Tyger, hidden Pan-Tang.

Iron Fire – Among the Dead Review

Iron Fire – Among the Dead Review

“Formed at the turn of the millennium and billed in their promo material as “Denmark’s best-selling power metal band,” Iron Fire have consistently put out strong records with distinctive characters. 2014’s Voyage of the Damned was perhaps their darkest album to date, sounding like a cross between Dark Tranquility and Kamelot, but with more balls. Since then the band has seen some personnel changes: original drummer Gunnar Olsen has returned to the fold, and they’re now operating as a three-piece. What does this mean for new record Among the Dead?” Big in Denmark!

Enforcer – Death By Fire Review

Enforcer – Death By Fire Review

Enforcer is an easy band to poke fun at. Though from Sweden, they play a retro style that seeks to hit the sweet spot between NWOBHM and early American speed metal acts like Abattoir, Jag Panzer and Attacker, with the occasional dose of hair metal/cock rock tossed in for shits and giggles. This style calls for a fair amount of skin-tight white jeans, hairspray, bullet belts and overall silliness pasted on a rickety frame of Iron Maiden and Saxon riffs. How that strikes you is a very personal matter and I’m not one to judge (that’s a lie. I’ve been silently judging you all for years).

Against the Flood – Against the Flood Review

Against the Flood – Against the Flood Review

So apparently the UK has a lively metalcore and deathcore scene that is being picked up and flown around the world right now. Against the Flood is one of those bands that sits right on the border between the two genres (which are basically just one genre if you look at their girl jeans and stupid hair cuts) and who have taken from me nearly 60 minutes of my life that I will never, ever, ever, ever get back. As a punishment, I will pee on them publicly, from my blog (and wait for their stupid oaf fans, and buddies, to come here and insult me).