“Finland’s Rottendawn hold doom metal in the highest regard. Boasting once and current members of Impaled Nazarene, Unholy and Sinisthra, the pedigree on debut album Occult is enviable. Unfortunately, good breeding doesn’t always precede a good album.”When does good breeding become inbreeding?
Sonata Arctica isn’t a yoga pose or a finishing move. No siree, they’re the subject of today’s AMG Primer! Prime the mover and get moving.
“Finland is not a country I identify with violent crime. High rates of alcoholism, maybe, and depression due to long Winter nights, maybe. But it’s regarded as one of the safest countries in the world otherwise, with high standards of education, healthcare and equality. This, apparently, does not translate to Lahti, the hometown of Sadokist.” Too much horror business.
“Today, our case involves a patient who came in contact with Amanita Virosa — a deadly, basiodiomycete fungus. No, Dr. X, it’s not the same thing we isolated from Dr. Druhm’s paw the other day. And it’s not contagious. No, Dr. Holdeneye, I would not feed it to your daughter, no matter how much it resembles those portobello mushrooms she so clearly likes. Its nickname is ‘The Destroying Angel’ and this baby is full of amatoxins and phallotoxins… Stop sniggering, Dr. Wvrm. We’re supposed to be professionals here.” Do mo harm.
“The genre goes by many names—war metal, bestial blackened death metal, Christblasting necroatomik nuclear goat metal—but it always comes across as punishing and masochistic, the musical equivalent of flagellating yourself with a barbed leather whip. AND I FUKKIN LOVE EVERY SECOND OF IT.” Brutalisto masochisto metallico.
“You’re here for a reason. You’re on a quest. A quest for music to bang your fukkin head to. Sometimes you find the music, sometimes the music finds you. There, buried in a particularly large online order a couple years ago, was a free copy of Excuse’s 2016 EP Goddess Injustice. I slid the vinyl from its sleeve and a spectral form descended from the heavens. “YOU!” It boomed. “Me?” I said. “YOU. You are the chosen one. Drop the needle. Turn up the stereo. And BANG. YOUR. FUKKIN. HEAD.”” Always obey the disembodied voice!
“It’s been a fair amount of time now since I first came across Death’s Threshold, the sophomore full-length for “J.H.’s” one-man funeral doom project, Shades of Deep Water, in the plentiful wastes that constitute the Promo Bin. I was astounded; funeral doom is a bit of a rarity, after all, and I would expect the vultures my coworkers to snatch up any errant scraps like, well, vultures. I hesitated only a moment before grabbing the album and absconding. After all, one does not simply listen to funeral doom.” Knee deep in doom.
“It’s only in the last stage of preparing my reviews that I investigate the social media and marketing bullshit vomited by a band going under the pen. My musical opinion is already formed but I may need some basic information to reference in the introduction. What I love most is when certain terms arise: ‘innovative/unique’ (a quality so few can truly espouse); ‘hotly anticipated’ (by their mums and no one else); but most of all, characterizing themselves as ‘modern metal.’ This hallowed descriptor demarcates a band either attempting to distance themselves from the entirety of ‘metalcore’ or who mistakenly believe that their ‘metalcore’ is different to other ‘metalcore.'” Modern problems.
“There are few things in this world as pleasant as raw black metal. The kind that barely registers as music to the ears of the unwashed. The kind that gives all of your family members doubts about your competency. The kind that elicits concerned glares from passers-by. You know what I’m talking about. So it was with great anticipation that I plucked Finland’s Celestial Grave from the AMG promo vault for a look-see.” When the void plucks you.
“Last year, no fewer than eight AMG staff members placed Queen of Time by Amorphis somewhere on their year end list. If you’re reading this and happen to be one of the eight people whose names are written in bolded burnt orange in support of that album on this page — especially if your name starts with Angry and ends in Guy — please stop reading now and go about your business elsewhere. I’ll be honest with you, I never once made it all the way through that album in one sitting despite trying in earnest six times. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot to love on Queen of Time, but that’s just it — there’s a lot of it. The sugary melodies are great, but the album and most of its songs are far too long and there is not enough heaviness to balance out the pop. I was content to remain silent in my dissent until I began spinning Godsend, the fourth record from a different Finnish band, Bloodred Hourglass.” Hourglass houses and stones.
