“Back in May, my Twitter feed burped this out at me: “30 years ago today, Helloween released Keeper of the Seven Keys Part I.” The memories flooded back. For most of you, our loyal thralls readers, 1987 isn’t even a glint in your papa’s eye.” Still a keeper after all these years.
“There’s no doubt that this is one fucked up world. And to add insult to injury, Autograph has a new album. I mean, I wouldn’t want to say glam metal is irrelevant these days, but it is. And one of its pioneers is unwilling to die—trying to hold on to what it has (“Turn Up the Radio”) and hasn’t (everything else) contributed to this world.” This IS your father’s metal.
“This is a late review, but that’s what happens when you live in Canada and get eight days of summer per year: you spend all your time frolicking amongst the dandelions instead of in a darkened room blaring metal. Anyhow, this new release from Stallion grabbed my attention for only one reason: in 2013 they had a song called “Canadian Steele.”” Of Northern pride and metallurgy.
“Hysteria is hair metal reduced to a fine paste. It has the girls, the melodies, the vocal harmonies, the schmaltzy lyrics AND the chest hair. It’s produced with that pleasant 80s guitar tone which was popular, plenty of synthesized effects and is buffed to a gleaming shine. There’s crystal clear separation in the mix and it was evidently written and produced for maximum accessibility and groupy-acquisition.” Why is this happening? We aren’t sure.
“You know how Kurt Cobain killed Hair Metal? Of course you know; we’ve been through this already. He didn’t. Yes folks, it’s time for your second dose of hair metal in under a month! You see, while AMG has been distracted dealing with Steel Druhm’s incessant efforts to inject more Jorn onto the site by any means necessary, I’ve launched my own elaborately coiffured campaign to restyle Angry Metal Guy into the far more fabulous Hair Metal Guy.” Jorn in the U.S.A.!
“You know how Kurt Cobain killed Hair Metal? Apparently he didn’t manage to finish the job. It’s taken a couple of decades, but the recent surge of sleaze shows that the blow delivered by Kurt’s Fender Jaguar wasn’t, in fact, fatal.” If Cobain couldn’t kill sleazy cock rock, no one can!
Way back as a newbie first year reviewer for the world-renowned Angry Metal Guy, no release floored me quite like Stormzone’s Death Dealer. Although I’d never heard of these Belfast hooligans, their hardcore NWOBHM worship and excellent song writing really got my blood riled up. Accordingly, Death Dealer got Steel Druhm’s only perfect score for 2010 and ended up my album of the year as well. Fast forward to 2011 and it’s a grizzled, jaded, cynical Steel Druhm that greets their new release, Zero to Rage. So, do things look different now that my doe-eyed youth has been drained away by long hours, crappy releases, zero pay and spiteful hate mail? Not really! They still embody the very essence of the NWOBHM style that I love dearly and still traffic in the ways of Saxon, Grim Reaper, Iron Maiden and Judas Priest. When they hit their stride, they’re as metal as metal gets and no school sounds older. They also prove once again they’re capable of writing metal anthems that rock my metalverse. While this is a little less immediate than Death Dealer, it’s yet another mammoth dose of old style metal with enough hooks for a month-long fishing trip and enough muscle for an amateur bodybuilding contest. These guys have an infectious swagger and charm all their own and it’s still coming through loud and proud. So, don your high tops, skin-tight jeans and bullet belts and climb aboard the Way Back Machine as I set the dial to 1983!
There is an interesting irony to throwback bands like White Wizzard and a lot of the other thrash throwbacks that are coming out right now, which is that at one point in time what these guys were doing was forward thinking. I know it’s hard to believe, in a world where metal is used to support stupid ideologies, backwards thinking or just generally brutish and retarded behavior, it’s hard to think of metal as progressive, but in 1980, metal was outside of the box. Bands like Iron Maiden and Def Leppard were just cutting their teeth, Lars Ulrich was busy stealing their riffs and ideas and heavy metal was fresh, young, innovative and above all rebellious and really, really interesting.
